Category: Musical Mayhem

Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

Un-American Idiots

| Italy | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a pretty popular furniture store. A girl and her friend come in. After looking around for a bit and giggling to themselves, the girls come up to me.)

Girl #1: “Hi. Yeah… we… like… we wanted to know… do you guys sell band members here?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Girl #1: “Yeah! Band members! Like, you know, people who are in bands and play music?”

Me: “Oh! No, we don’t really sell band posters, sorry.”

Girl #1: “No! Not posters! We want band members!”

Me: “What? You mean you want me to sell you the actual band members? As in the actual people who play in the band?”

Both Girls: “Yeah!”

Me: “I’m sorry… I don’t think we have any in stock, and we’re probably not going to get some anytime soon. Actually, I think no store will have what you’re looking for, girls.”

Girl #1: “Aw, really?”

Girl #2: “Come on… Are you sure? Not even clones?”

Me: “Yeah, I think the most you will find will be posters and band merchandise. With pictures of them, maybe, but not the actual people. I’m very sorry.”

Both Girls: “Aw… it’s okay; sorry for bothering you.”

(As they walk away, I overhear them talking.)

Girl #2: “Aw, I really wanted a Billie Joe Armstrong.”

Girl #1: “Yeah… I guess our best bet is asking Adrienne if she’s willing to share.”

Girl #2: “Yep, we should do it. I mean, it’s like… It’s not like I want to marry him or something. I just want to be his friend. and cuddle with him, and pet his hair. Don’t forget about petting his hair.”

Girl #1: “Same here! Hmm, you know what this means, right?”

Girl #2: “Yeah. Let’s ask her on both Twitter and Instagram until she finally answers.”

(My manager has heard everything, and comes over to me laughing. We’re both huge Green Day fans.)

Manager: “Oh, God… Were they… really?

Me: “Yeah.”

(My manager starts singing to the tune of the chorus of the song “Stray Heart”.)

Manager: “Everything that they want, they want from him, but they just can’t have him. Everything that they need, they need from therapy, but they won’t realize it.”

Raising A Voodoo Child

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

(I have been a music instructor for over three decades. An angry mom confronts me before her son’s drum lesson.)

Angry Mom: “Why are you showing my son all of these heavy metal and rock songs to play drums to?”

Me: “Because he asked me to. He seems to like that type of music.”

Angry Mom: “He most certainly DOES NOT like that music. It’s overtly sexual, violent and demonic. Why can’t you show him good music? Instead of this Metallica and ACDC garbage.”

Me: “Good music?”

Angry Mom: “YES! Good music. The 60s. Jimi Hendrix. The Beatles. The Rolling Stones?”

Me: “Maybe ‘Hey Joe,’ by Jimi Hendrix?”

Angry Mom: “Exactly!”

Me: “‘I’m just going down to shoot my old lady, I caught her messing around with another man….’ That ‘Hey Joe?'”

Angry Mom: “Yes! The classics!”

Try Before You Psy

| USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a store that sells movies, games and music among other memorabilia. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I’d like to exchange this CD.”

Me: “I can offer you store credit, and you can use it to purchase anything in the store.”

Customer: “Well, I was looking for this same CD but in English.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “My daughter asked me for this CD, but it seems I made a mistake, as it’s all in Chinese! I want the CD in English.”

(She shows me the CD in question, and I see it’s a ‘Girls’ Generation’ album, a Korean girl group.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this album is of a Korean girl group. They sing in Korean.”

Customer: “Korean, Chinese, whatever, I just want the American version with the songs in English!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, they’re Korean singers. They sing in Korean. They have Japanese albums too, but we don’t have them, though.”

Customer: “So they’re not in English?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Then why the h*** do I want to listen to it if I can’t understand it?”

The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

(I beamed for the rest of the night.)

Changing His Tune

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a radio station. I answer a call.)

Caller: “Yeah, what’s this song you’re playing right now?”

Me: “Why, it’s [name and title of song].”

Caller: “Well, whatever it is, it’s bull-s***! I can’t believe you’d allow such a s*** song on the air. YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”

Caller: “Well, there’s only one way you can fix this. Play Kick Start My Heart by Motley Crue.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have that song.”

Caller: “WHY THE F*** NOT?”

Me: “We’re not a classic rock station, sir. As such, our selection of classic rock is rather limited.”

Caller: “Look, I’m the voice of the people! And the people have decided that you suck, and the music you play sucks. So PLAY MY SONG!”

Me: “As I said, sir, I can’t do that, because we don’t have it. The best I can do is pass that suggestion along to my boss, and if he agrees with you, we’ll get it. Perhaps you’d like to talk to my boss directly about this? I can transfer your call—”

Caller: “SO YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU? JUST PLAY MY F****** SONG!”

(He proceeds to call me and my station a variety of names until I get tired of him and hang up. This goes on twice a day for about a month. Every time one of the popular female artists of today comes on, he’ll call me up, cuss me out, and demand to hear ‘Kick Start My Heart.’ One day, the only Motley Crue song in our library, ‘Girls, Girls, Girls,’ comes up in the playlist. I play it, and he calls.)

Caller: “So you finally decided to f****** listing to me and get Motley Crue. NOW PLAY KICK START MY HEART!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have it.”

Caller: “I know you have Kick Start My Heart!”

Me: “What makes you think that?”

Caller: “Because you’re playing Girls, Girls, Girls! It’s on the same album! So if you have Girls, Girls, Girls, you’ve got to have Kick Start My Heart!”

Me: “Sir, I took your concerns to my boss. I told him that the people were demanding that we add Kick Start My Heart to our library. After a lengthy exchange, he decided the only Motley Crue song I could have is the radio single of Girls, Girls, Girls.”

(There is a lengthy silence from the other end of the line. Finally, he speaks, but instead of cussing me out, he has turned into an incredibly polite person.)

Caller: “Oh, I didn’t know that. In all that time, you were actually listening to me, and taking my concerns. Hey, you did your best and thanks for that. By the way, love your station and love your show. Keep up the good work!”

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