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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Try Before You Psy

    | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a store that sells movies, games and music among other memorabilia. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this CD.”

    Me: “I can offer you store credit, and you can use it to purchase anything in the store.”

    Customer: “Well, I was looking for this same CD but in English.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “My daughter asked me for this CD, but it seems I made a mistake, as it’s all in Chinese! I want the CD in English.”

    (She shows me the CD in question, and I see it’s a ‘Girls’ Generation’ album, a Korean girl group.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this album is of a Korean girl group. They sing in Korean.”

    Customer: “Korean, Chinese, whatever, I just want the American version with the songs in English!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, they’re Korean singers. They sing in Korean. They have Japanese albums too, but we don’t have them, though.”

    Customer: “So they’re not in English?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Then why the h*** do I want to listen to it if I can’t understand it?”

    The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

    Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

    Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

    Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

    Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

    Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

    Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

    Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

    (I beamed for the rest of the night.)

    Changing His Tune

    | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a radio station. I answer a call.)

    Caller: “Yeah, what’s this song you’re playing right now?”

    Me: “Why, it’s [name and title of song].”

    Caller: “Well, whatever it is, it’s bull-s***! I can’t believe you’d allow such a s*** song on the air. YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s only one way you can fix this. Play Kick Start My Heart by Motley Crue.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have that song.”

    Caller: “WHY THE F*** NOT?”

    Me: “We’re not a classic rock station, sir. As such, our selection of classic rock is rather limited.”

    Caller: “Look, I’m the voice of the people! And the people have decided that you suck, and the music you play sucks. So PLAY MY SONG!”

    Me: “As I said, sir, I can’t do that, because we don’t have it. The best I can do is pass that suggestion along to my boss, and if he agrees with you, we’ll get it. Perhaps you’d like to talk to my boss directly about this? I can transfer your call—”

    Caller: “SO YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU? JUST PLAY MY F****** SONG!”

    (He proceeds to call me and my station a variety of names until I get tired of him and hang up. This goes on twice a day for about a month. Every time one of the popular female artists of today comes on, he’ll call me up, cuss me out, and demand to hear ‘Kick Start My Heart.’ One day, the only Motley Crue song in our library, ‘Girls, Girls, Girls,’ comes up in the playlist. I play it, and he calls.)

    Caller: “So you finally decided to f****** listing to me and get Motley Crue. NOW PLAY KICK START MY HEART!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have it.”

    Caller: “I know you have Kick Start My Heart!”

    Me: “What makes you think that?”

    Caller: “Because you’re playing Girls, Girls, Girls! It’s on the same album! So if you have Girls, Girls, Girls, you’ve got to have Kick Start My Heart!”

    Me: “Sir, I took your concerns to my boss. I told him that the people were demanding that we add Kick Start My Heart to our library. After a lengthy exchange, he decided the only Motley Crue song I could have is the radio single of Girls, Girls, Girls.”

    (There is a lengthy silence from the other end of the line. Finally, he speaks, but instead of cussing me out, he has turned into an incredibly polite person.)

    Caller: “Oh, I didn’t know that. In all that time, you were actually listening to me, and taking my concerns. Hey, you did your best and thanks for that. By the way, love your station and love your show. Keep up the good work!”

    Losing His Hold On Reality

    | Midlands, England, UK | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

    Customer: “The hold music!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

    Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

    Me: “Hear what?”

    Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

    (The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)

    Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

    Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

    Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

    Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

    Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”

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