Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • The Offer Is Sub-Standard
    (1,863 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Changing His Tune

    | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a radio station. I answer a call.)

    Caller: “Yeah, what’s this song you’re playing right now?”

    Me: “Why, it’s [name and title of song].”

    Caller: “Well, whatever it is, it’s bull-s***! I can’t believe you’d allow such a s*** song on the air. YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s only one way you can fix this. Play Kick Start My Heart by Motley Crue.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have that song.”

    Caller: “WHY THE F*** NOT?”

    Me: “We’re not a classic rock station, sir. As such, our selection of classic rock is rather limited.”

    Caller: “Look, I’m the voice of the people! And the people have decided that you suck, and the music you play sucks. So PLAY MY SONG!”

    Me: “As I said, sir, I can’t do that, because we don’t have it. The best I can do is pass that suggestion along to my boss, and if he agrees with you, we’ll get it. Perhaps you’d like to talk to my boss directly about this? I can transfer your call—”

    Caller: “SO YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU? JUST PLAY MY F****** SONG!”

    (He proceeds to call me and my station a variety of names until I get tired of him and hang up. This goes on twice a day for about a month. Every time one of the popular female artists of today comes on, he’ll call me up, cuss me out, and demand to hear ‘Kick Start My Heart.’ One day, the only Motley Crue song in our library, ‘Girls, Girls, Girls,’ comes up in the playlist. I play it, and he calls.)

    Caller: “So you finally decided to f****** listing to me and get Motley Crue. NOW PLAY KICK START MY HEART!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have it.”

    Caller: “I know you have Kick Start My Heart!”

    Me: “What makes you think that?”

    Caller: “Because you’re playing Girls, Girls, Girls! It’s on the same album! So if you have Girls, Girls, Girls, you’ve got to have Kick Start My Heart!”

    Me: “Sir, I took your concerns to my boss. I told him that the people were demanding that we add Kick Start My Heart to our library. After a lengthy exchange, he decided the only Motley Crue song I could have is the radio single of Girls, Girls, Girls.”

    (There is a lengthy silence from the other end of the line. Finally, he speaks, but instead of cussing me out, he has turned into an incredibly polite person.)

    Caller: “Oh, I didn’t know that. In all that time, you were actually listening to me, and taking my concerns. Hey, you did your best and thanks for that. By the way, love your station and love your show. Keep up the good work!”

    Losing His Hold On Reality

    | Midlands, England, UK | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

    Customer: “The hold music!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

    Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

    Me: “Hear what?”

    Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

    (The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)

    Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

    Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

    Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

    Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

    Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”

    Hey Mr DJ, Put My Record On

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a DJ in a club. Although I do take requests, I play them where they will fit into the set so that it isn’t weird and everything flows together. On this particular night, it is kind of slow. I start a new set with some slower rap songs; there is a dance floor with 20 to 30 people on it.)

    Me: “Hey, what can I do for you?”

    Customer #1: “Can I hear You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC? Everyone loves that song, and everyone is going to dance. They will love it!”

    (The music currently playing is ‘Swimming Pools’ by Kendrick Lamar. It is 68 beats per minute, and hard rap. The song the customer is requesting is in the 130 bpm range.)

    Me: “Sure, I will play it as soon as I can.”

    Customer #1: “Can you play it next?”

    Me: “Probably not, but I try to get it in as soon as I can.”

    (She walks away. Approximately two songs go by; the customer returns.)

    Customer #1: “Well, are you going to play my song? Do you even REMEMBER WHAT SONG I TOLD YOU?!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, AC/DC’s You Shook Me. I have to think of the dance floor right now, but I will play it as soon as I can fit it in with other music.”

    Customer #1: *cheerfully* “THANKS!”

    (It should also be noted that I have her song, and the other songs that I am going to play with it, in the song-queue and ready to be played soon. I’m at around 120 bpms, but the dance floor is now around 40-50 people. I get rated by the owners of the Bar/Club by how well I am at getting—and keeping—a dance floor. I get either a nightly bonus or a raise based on the dance floor.)

    Customer #1: *startling me* “ARE YOU F****** STUPID! I SAID I WANT THE GOD D*** SONG PLAYED NOW, YOU C***!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m getting to it. It’s going to be played in the next five minutes. When I feel that I can reasonably put it in and keep the dance floor, I will play it. I will even buy you a drink for your wait. Okay?”

    Customer #1: “No! You’re going to play it now! I am a paying customer! I am f****** rich, so I don’t need your handouts!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.”

    Customer #1: “F*** you, and this place! You were never going to play it! And stop grinning like you’re so great! I make more money than God, and I could buy this place and fire your piece-of-s*** a**! How f****** hard is your job? PLAY MY DAMN SONG NOW, YOU SON OF A B****!”

    Me: “Firstly, I’m sorry you feel this way, and won’t wait patiently like everyone else. Secondly, God doesn’t make money, so therefore a child finding a penny on the street makes more money than God. Thirdly, my job is keeping a dance floor, it’s how I get paid, raises and bonuses. Fourthly, I was going to play your song, but now I’m not so sure.”

    (Suddenly, Customer #1 tries to punch me, and then smashes her glass and another customers drink on the floor and storms out. Then I see another customer, Customer #2, come walking inside followed by the very irate Customer #1. Customer #1 is visibly yelling, being held back by security as they try to haul her outside. I turn down the music. I do this, because everyone on the dance floor is watching her and no longer dancing. I turn it down so I and everyone else can hear the screaming better.)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “How f****** dare you call me white trash! I’m so much better than you! I own the mall down the street! I work for the state finding people like you places in [trailer park] because you’re f****** poor!”

    Customer #2: *laughing hysterically* “No, you work down at the mall. You own the 5th trailer in [trailer park], on [street address], and your name is [Customer #1].”

    Customer #1: “I’LL F****** KILL YOU!”

    (Customer #1 pulls out a small blade. The security guard throws her to the ground. They take the knife away, and hold her there until the cops come. As they are arresting her, I stop all music to dead silence, and speak over the microphone.)

    Me: “To the woman getting arrested, here is your requested parting gift!”

    (I crank the chorus of ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ by AC/DC all the way up as she’s being hauled off. I can see her trying to break free and get to me while she mouths ‘YOU SON OF A B****!’. Everyone starts cheering.)

    It Only Goes Downhill From Here, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (The venue I am working is on top of a big hill. It has a driveway that leads to a small parking lot which is being used for the choir that is performing. An elderly customer and her daughter pull up.)

    Elderly Customer: “Hi, we’re here for the event.”

    Me: “Great, are you with the choir or a guest?”

    Daughter: “We’re guests, so can we just go up now?”

    Me: “Oh, the parking lot up there is being used for the choir that’s performing tonight. You’ll have to park down here. But if you don’t want to walk, there is a golf cart that can take you up there. He just went up, but he will be back down momentarily.”

    Elderly Customer: “BUT WE CAME TO SEE THE PERFORMANCE! WHY CAN’T WE PARK UP THERE IN THE PARKING LOT? I KNOW IT’S THERE! I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE! YOU CAN’T TELL ME IT’S NOT THERE! IM OLD, AND CAN’T WALK UP THIS HILL!”

    Me: “Miss, the parking lot up there is being used for the choir that you will be seeing tonight. They all had to drive here so we let them use the parking lot. If you park down here on the road, the golf cart will take you right up to the event. If you were to park in that parking lot, you would have to walk up stairs. The cart will drop you off right at the event and you won’t have to walk up those stairs.”

    Daughter: “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU WANT? WE CAN PARK OUR OWN D*** SELVES!”

    (They drive up to the parking lot. I think I am done with them, and hoping they will get towed. After about five minutes, they come speeding back down the drive way, almost hitting a man and his wife who decided to walk up. They stop to yell at me, and the daughter throws a full, sealed, 32 oz. drink bottle at me. It hits me in the face, causing my nose to bleed. They speed off, never to be seen again.)

    Related:
    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    Page 6/18First...45678...Last