Featured Story:
  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
    (1,933 thumbs up)
  • Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Always The Same Old Song

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Money, Musical Mayhem

    (I am DJing an office Christmas party. A guy who had made tons of requests, most of which I’d played, approaches my workstation.)

    Guy: “Where’s my request?”

    Me: “I’ve been playing your requests where they fit.”

    Guy: “Well, play [Specific Song] next.”

    Me: “I’ll get it in soon, but I don’t think it’ll be next. I’ve got a lot of requests coming in, so I have to play them where they fit.”

    Guy: “Don’t worry about anyone else’s requests. I’m the boss. Just play my requests.”

    Me: “Oh, good. You’re the boss? Then where’s my cheque?”

    Guy: “What?”

    Me: “Well, since nobody’s bothered to come over and introduce themselves to me yet, I didn’t know who to come find to collect payment.”

    Guy: “So, just play my request whenever you can…”

    Waxing Lyrical On The Lyrics

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    Elderly Customer: “I’m trying to learn this song. Do you have music for ‘Your Mind Is On Vacation And Your Mouth Is Workin’ Overtime’?”

    Me: “No, but now I want to learn it, too!”

    Elderly Customer: “No s***, right?!”

    Way South Of Average Intelligence

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I am a light-skinned South African living in the United States. I occasionally get to perform my own music in a local hip-hop-oriented bar. I try to keep my lyrics clean of profanities, which is unusual for this audience.)

    Bar Patron #1: “It’s nice to hear some clean hip-hop here for a change.”

    Me: “Thanks. I just don’t see the need for me to swear, since most of my songs are about partying and that sort of light stuff.”

    Bar Patron #2: “Usually with the people who perform here, it’s ‘n-word this’, and ‘n-word that’.”

    Me: *laughing* “Can you imagine, a white South African using that word a whole bunch of times?”

    Bar Patron #2: “I know you could do that if you wanted to, since your country is run by African-Americans and all, but it’s nice that you don’t.”

    Me: “… Oh boy.”

    Mr. Tambourine Can

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a music store that sells musical instruments and sheet music. The phone rings.)

    Me: “[Music Store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Do you have a ten-inch tambourine?”

    Me: “We might. Just a minute, I’ll go check.”

    (I come back to the phone holding the requested item.)

    Me: “Hello. Yes, we do have one in stock.”

    Caller: “So can you tell me how big it is?”

    Me: “Um… It’s ten inches.”

    (There’s a moment of silence, and then I realize that it’s a somewhat valid question as the caller may not know how tambourines are measured: diameter, circumference or radius… although the latter two would be pretty strange, I think. Still, I give him the benefit of the doubt and add:)

    Me: “… in diameter.”

    Caller: “So, is that like, the size of the lid on a paint can?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Is it a ten-inch paint can?”

    Yaoi Got To Be Kidding, Part 2

    | Rapid City, SD, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at the local bookstore. I am trying to grow our small graphic novel and manga section so that it is worthwhile. A customer and his mom have stopped in to look around. He is about 16 years old.

    Customer: “Mom, can I please get a new comic book?”

    Customer’s Mom: “I don’t know. You just got one.”

    (The mom looks over at me working at the register.)

    Customer’s Mom: “Here’s the deal. Play your ringtone to her. If she can name the song or at least where it comes from, I will buy you a new comic book.”

    (The customer’s son looks at his phone shyly as he looks for his ringtone. The music starts to play the theme song to ‘Robot Chicken.’)

    Me: “Oh my god! That’s Robot Chicken!”

    (I proceed to bock like a chicken with it. The customer’s mom looks at me incredulously and shakes her head.)

    Customer’s Mom: “I made a deal.”

    (They bought the comic book and are leaving. The mom is moaning loudly to her son.)

    Customer’s Mom: “I can’t believe that the one person I point out knows exactly what it is! You’re everywhere! She doesn’t even look like she likes that kind of stuff!”

    Related:
    Yaoi Got To Be Kidding

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