Category: Musical Mayhem

Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

The Son Of Mondegreen

, | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.'”

Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

Unharmonious Harmonica

| CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a musical instrument store. On our counters we have small grab-and-go items, including mini harmonicas that some people purchase as pendants for jewelry but also work as an instrument. I have just rung up Customer #1 and am in the middle of ringing Customer #2 when Customer #1 takes one of the harmonicas and starts blowing through it.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir.Were you planning on purchasing that today?”

Customer #1: “Of course not. I don’t play harmonica.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but now that you have used that one I have to ask you to buy it.”

Customer #1: “That’s ridiculous. I was just testing it out.”

Me: “I’m sorry but it’s for sanitary reasons. I cannot sell that now that you have used it. These are not a demo product.”

Customer #1: “There’s no sign. Why shouldn’t I try it? I’m not buying that. I don’t need it.”

Me: “Again, sir, I’m sorry, but now that you’ve put your mouth on it I can’t sell it to anyone else. Would you buy something that required you to put your mouth on it knowing someone else had as well?

Customer #1: “I don’t have a problem with that.”

Customer #2: “Well, I do. What if I bought that for my daughter and you had some kind of herpes or something?”

Customer #1: “Whatever. I’m leaving and never coming back to this f****** store again. No one has ever told me before I couldn’t try them.”

(Just before he walked away he threw the harmonica he had tried back in the bowl and shook it so I wouldn’t be able to tell which one he had his mouth on. I then had to damage out the whole lot.)

Going Into A Song And Dance Over It

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(A customer is buying over $200 worth of used CDs, most of which are missing barcodes and have to be manually entered. To boot, they are mostly classical, which means they’re covered in text, often in different languages, etc., and it’s hard to pick out the information I need.)

Customer: “Is there any way this can go any faster? I’m in quite a hurry.”

(Yes, I’m sure he picked out all 50 friggin’ CDs in QUITE a hurry.)

Sends You A Kiss By Wire

| Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Musical Mayhem

(No way around it, no way to glamour it up: I am a telemarketer. I have to call a customer about an insurance offer. It takes a few seconds for us to be able to hear them when they answer.)

Me: “He—”

Customer:HELLO, MY BABY! HELLO, MY HONEY! HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL!

(I am stunned as she sings the whole song!)

Customer: “Sorry about that. Been getting calls all day. Told myself and my mother that the next caller is being sung to.”

(I was stunned for a few more seconds, then I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard it hurt! I had to end the call and then take a 10-minute break to calm down.)

You Wouldn’t Beliebe It

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

(We have pre-teen Justin Bieber cut outs in our store, along with party accessories.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any ‘Justine Bieber’ stuff.”

Me: *thinking nothing of how she said the name* “Right this way! We have the pre-teen Bieber, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “No, I was wanting the cut out stand. You know, the cardboard ones you can buy.”

Me: “OH! Yes, I don’t think we have any set up in the store, but we have some in the back. They’re $34.97 for one.”

Customer: “That’s really high!”

Me: “I agree. It’s a bit much for some cardboard, but girls seem to love owning them.”

Customer: “That’s true. My granddaughter keeps asking for one.”

Me: “Well, let me just look in the back to see if we have one.” *goes to back and brings out a still-packaged cut out*

Customer: “Oh, this one is pre-teen, too.”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we don’t have any new Bieber items.”

Customer: *frowning at the cut out* “Just as well. I don’t really like my granddaughter having this Bieber stuff. Have you see how she looks?”

Me: “Sorry? Your granddaughter?”

Customer: “No, ‘Justine Bieber.’ She’d be so much prettier if she’d grow her hair out, is what I mean. With her hair all spiked up how it is, she looks like a lesbian!”

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