Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • The Offer Is Sub-Standard
    (1,818 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Mr. Tambourine Can

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a music store that sells musical instruments and sheet music. The phone rings.)

    Me: “[Music Store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Do you have a ten-inch tambourine?”

    Me: “We might. Just a minute, I’ll go check.”

    (I come back to the phone holding the requested item.)

    Me: “Hello. Yes, we do have one in stock.”

    Caller: “So can you tell me how big it is?”

    Me: “Um… It’s ten inches.”

    (There’s a moment of silence, and then I realize that it’s a somewhat valid question as the caller may not know how tambourines are measured: diameter, circumference or radius… although the latter two would be pretty strange, I think. Still, I give him the benefit of the doubt and add:)

    Me: “… in diameter.”

    Caller: “So, is that like, the size of the lid on a paint can?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Is it a ten-inch paint can?”

    Yaoi Got To Be Kidding, Part 2

    | Rapid City, SD, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at the local bookstore. I am trying to grow our small graphic novel and manga section so that it is worthwhile. A customer and his mom have stopped in to look around. He is about 16 years old.

    Customer: “Mom, can I please get a new comic book?”

    Customer’s Mom: “I don’t know. You just got one.”

    (The mom looks over at me working at the register.)

    Customer’s Mom: “Here’s the deal. Play your ringtone to her. If she can name the song or at least where it comes from, I will buy you a new comic book.”

    (The customer’s son looks at his phone shyly as he looks for his ringtone. The music starts to play the theme song to ‘Robot Chicken.’)

    Me: “Oh my god! That’s Robot Chicken!”

    (I proceed to bock like a chicken with it. The customer’s mom looks at me incredulously and shakes her head.)

    Customer’s Mom: “I made a deal.”

    (They bought the comic book and are leaving. The mom is moaning loudly to her son.)

    Customer’s Mom: “I can’t believe that the one person I point out knows exactly what it is! You’re everywhere! She doesn’t even look like she likes that kind of stuff!”

    Related:
    Yaoi Got To Be Kidding

    Now Hold Up A Minute

    | Vernon, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Hi, Mike speaking.”

    Caller: “Hellooo?!”

    Me: “Hi, Mike speaking.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank goodness. Please tell your other associate he was incredibly rude and he needs better listening skills.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but who were you speaking with?”

    Caller: “I’m not even sure. I was talking with some lady and she put me on hold. Then next thing I know, some guy picked up and wouldn’t stop talking about the mayor.”

    Me: “…The mayor?”

    Caller: “Yes. I kept telling him that I wasn’t interested and yet he kept talking about the bloody mayor. Then after that he just kept telling about the weather. He was very frustrating.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was our hold music. You were just listening to the news on the radio station that we use.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Finally Singing To The Same Tune

    | NM, USA | Geography, Home Improvement, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’m a piano tuner in a sparsely populated area in the rural west. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, [Name] piano service.”

    Caller: “Do you tune pianos?”

    Me: “Yes I do. I also do all kinds of repairs, as well as complete restorations. The only thing I don’t do is moving.”

    Caller: “Great! What’s the total cost for a tuning?”

    Me: “I need some more information to give you a price. Do you know how long since it’s been tuned?”

    Caller: “Well, we live on a ranch on long way from nowhere, and it’s been here since before 1900, so for sure at least that long. Our family has never spoken to a piano tuner before.”

    Me: “Wow! That’s a really long time! I’m honored! So, do all the keys go up and down, and does each key make a sound?”

    Caller: “Yes, we checked, and it actually doesn’t sound that bad. Out of tune of course but everything works.”

    Me: “Great! You mentioned being on a ranch. How far from [city I'm in] are you?”

    Caller: “We’re 25 miles outside of [town of 500 people, 200 miles away] on a gravel road that goes through a mountain pass. Well, actually, you have to cross the entire mountain range to get here. We own an entire valley.”

    (I look up their location on Google maps, calculate the driving fee, and give them a price for a service package.)

    Caller: “That’s a very fair price! Sold! But you don’t do the moving? Is there a mover you usually recommend?”

    Me: “Yes, I have a favorite mover. Wait. ‘The’ moving? I’m not sure I follow. Oh, you’re moving it somewhere else before I tune it? I could contact my mover, tell them your location, and get a price, and get back to you.”

    Caller: “Wait, what? Now I’m confused. We like your price on the tuning, but now we need to add the costs of the moves to know the total price?”

    Me: “Moves? You’re moving it more than once? Am I tuning it, then it gets moved, and I tune it again? Is this all at once, or separate jobs? Now I’m lost!”

    Caller: “Do you actually do this very often? We’d think you’d have the procedures and costs all worked out by now.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but I’m not following you at all. Let’s start over. Where is it getting moved TO?”

    Caller: “How would we know that? Are you being a smart-a**?”

    Me: “What?”

    Caller: “Where do you live?”

    Me: “Why would you need to know that? Are you threatening me?”

    Caller: “We DON’T need to know! And of COURSE we’re not threatening you! But YOU asked where it was getting moved to. For Christ’s sake!”

    Me: *lightbulb goes off* “You want to move the piano to where I am?”

    Caller: “Of course! How else are you going to tune it?”

    (I am in stunned silence. In my entire career, no one has ever thought they had to deliver the piano to ME to have it tuned, and then have it moved back to their house.)

    Caller: “Hello? Are you there?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m here. I see the misunderstanding now. Piano tuners always drive to where the piano is, no matter how far away, and tune the piano where it’s at. The piano does not have to be brought to me. Pianos are NEVER brought TO the tuner. Tuners always go TO the piano. The price I gave you includes me driving all the way out there to your ranch and back home, staying at a motel if I have to, gas, tax, the work I’ll do, everything is included. There’s no need for a mover at all.”

    (There is a prolonged silence before they continue.)

    Caller: “We’re really not as stupid as you probably think we are right now. Really. No one here has the slightest idea what a piano tuner does, or how they do it, or what it costs. We’ve just been raising cattle for five generations out here, see, and… oh Christ.”

    (I hear several people in the background start to laugh. I can’t help it and start laughing too. We’re all choking on laughter over the phone for at least a minute.)

    Caller: “That’s a h*** of a long drive, so how about we get the guesthouse ready so you can stay overnight? Is cash okay? Do you like steak? What would you like for breakfast? If you like fishing we have miles of private streams. Bring a friend if you want; nothing but room up here!”

    (I end up with more value in free-range gourmet steaks and wild trout packed in a huge ice chest, than my entire tuning package fee!)

    Nothing Like A Spoon To Stir Things Up

    | Manchester, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Top

    (An older gentleman enters the store with a young woman who might be his granddaughter. She pauses at a display near the door, while he approaches me. I’m standing next to one of our speaker displays, which is blasting a hit country-pop song.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]!”

    Customer: “Hello there!”

    Me: *noticing he’s studying the speakers* “Are you interested in—”

    Customer: *deadpan* “This would be great spooning music.”

    (I’m completely shocked by this, and I don’t know how to respond. Before I can say anything, he pulls a pair of table spoons out of his shirt pocket and begins to play along with the music!)

    Customer: “Yeah! See? This is great!”

    (He calls over his granddaughter, and she pulls out a pair of spoons and starts to play, too! They have a five-minute jam session at the front of the store, and then spend 20 minutes happily chatting with my coworkers and me before making their purchases and leaving. It makes my day!)

    Page 3/1812345...Last