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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Nothing Like A Spoon To Stir Things Up

    | Manchester, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Top

    (An older gentleman enters the store with a young woman who might be his granddaughter. She pauses at a display near the door, while he approaches me. I’m standing next to one of our speaker displays, which is blasting a hit country-pop song.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]!”

    Customer: “Hello there!”

    Me: *noticing he’s studying the speakers* “Are you interested in—”

    Customer: *deadpan* “This would be great spooning music.”

    (I’m completely shocked by this, and I don’t know how to respond. Before I can say anything, he pulls a pair of table spoons out of his shirt pocket and begins to play along with the music!)

    Customer: “Yeah! See? This is great!”

    (He calls over his granddaughter, and she pulls out a pair of spoons and starts to play, too! They have a five-minute jam session at the front of the store, and then spend 20 minutes happily chatting with my coworkers and me before making their purchases and leaving. It makes my day!)

    Singing To A Different Scripted Tune

    | UK | Musical Mayhem

    (I ring up my phone network provider to get my mobile phone contract renegotiated. Thanks to regulations in the UK, call center staff are told they must repeat themselves over and over again so the consumer understands what they’re signing up to. I get a little bored after hearing the same script for the fifth time.)

    Employee: “So, you understand that you’ll be getting 600 minutes—”

    Me: “DAAAAHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAHHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

    Employee: “1 gig of data—”

    Me: “DAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

    Employee: “You have the right to—”

    Me: “DUUUH DUUUUH DUUUH DUUUUH!”

    Employee: “Contact us at any time if—”

    Me: “Do you ever feel like you’re repeating yourself? I’m sure I’ve heard this 12 times already.”

    Employee: “You have no idea.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll just keep singing then.”

    Bird Brained, Part 8

    | Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a small natural remedies shop. A customer comes in just as we are opening. We open early in the morning; birds are literally still singing outside. The customer browses around for a while, looking increasingly more irritated until stalking up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?! Aren’t you going to do anything about those d*** birds? They won’t shut up.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t really do much about the birds; they’re out there singing every morning. Maybe you could come back a little later?”

    Customer: “I can’t come back later; I’ve got s*** to do today! Can’t you put on some music or something?”

    Me: *bemused* “Okay, I’ll see what’s behind the counter.”

    (I go to look through the store’s CDs, and try not to laugh.)

    Customer: *stomps foot* “Well?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; it’s all sounds of nature type stuff.”

    Customer: “So put it on!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s bird noises.”

    Customer: *stares intently* “Put it on.”

    (She continues her shopping in peace and condescendingly asks me ‘isn’t that much better now?’ to the twin cacophony of singing birds in the background. Since then she’s come back every week at the same time, and I make sure I have the sounds of nature on hand when she does.)

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 7

    You Can’t Stop The Music

    | USA | Musical Mayhem, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am 12 years old. A few years ago, my dad died. He was the main breadwinner of the house, so my mom is now supporting the family. As money is tight, I occasionally take my violin out and perform for tips to get a bit more. I have arrangements with a local convenience store, so they allow me to play right out front. I am playing, when a customer from the store storms up to me.)

    Customer: “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?”

    Me: “Um… I’m busking, sir.”

    Customer: “Cut that s*** out! There are people who need that money out there, unlike you!”

    Me: “Dude, I do need thi—”

    (The customer then grabs my violin, and smashes it repeatedly against the ground, the wood splintering until it’s a pile of demolished wood. I am on the verge of tears, before the employee who works in the store comes outside.)

    Employee: “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?”

    Customer: “This little s*** is stealing from people who really need money! He should be punished!”

    (The employee calls back into the store.)

    Employee: “Hey, call the cops!”

    (The customer shoves the employee to the ground, and kicks him in the ribs. A small crowd has gathered around us, when a tall man wearing a long black trench coat walks up.)

    Tall Man: “Hey, a**-hat! Pick on someone your own size!”

    (The two began to fight, throwing some punches around. Unfortunately, the customer who broke my violin knocks the wind out of the tall man. I have had enough, and I snap. I have been sitting, cradling the stem of my violin, but now I stand up.)

    Me: “Hey f***-face!”

    (The customer turns around, just in time to get a violin neck to the crotch. He collapses, not even making a sound. The cops arrive and arrest him. Later on, he is forced to pay a fine, and damages. I get a brand spanking new violin, and keep on busking. My family’s income is now stable, and everything’s fine, but I still cherish the memory of the tall man who came to my rescue. I never got his name, but thank you.)

    Putting The Day Into A High Note

    , | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant, and we have been having a rough night. It has been non-stop busy, and several customers have been very rude. A car pulls up, and I greet them.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: *singing in mock-opera style* “Just a momeeeennnt!”

    (Laughter erupts from the backseat, as a coworker and I exchange a look, stifling laughter.)

    Me: “Just let me know when you’re ready!”

    Customer: *still singing* “Can I get twwooooo large chocolate shaaaakes!?”

    (My headset is off, because I am laughing loudly as I enter their order.)

    Customer: “And one laaarge strawberry shaaaake?”

    Me: “Okay, I will have your total at the second window!”

    (They get to the window, and it’s a woman and two young girls in the back, all of them with big grins, and giggling.)

    Me: “That was absolutely fantastic! My coworker and I couldn’t stop laughing!”

    Customer: “Did we make your night?”

    Me: “Oh, yes!”

    (After the customer leaves, we spend another 10 minutes just laughing until our sides hurt. Thank you so much for the laugh! It’s people like you who make it all worth it!)


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