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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    You Wouldn’t Beliebe It

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (We have pre-teen Justin Bieber cut outs in our store, along with party accessories.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if you have any ‘Justine Bieber’ stuff.”

    Me: *thinking nothing of how she said the name* “Right this way! We have the pre-teen Bieber, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “No, I was wanting the cut out stand. You know, the cardboard ones you can buy.”

    Me: “OH! Yes, I don’t think we have any set up in the store, but we have some in the back. They’re $34.97 for one.”

    Customer: “That’s really high!”

    Me: “I agree. It’s a bit much for some cardboard, but girls seem to love owning them.”

    Customer: “That’s true. My granddaughter keeps asking for one.”

    Me: “Well, let me just look in the back to see if we have one.” *goes to back and brings out a still-packaged cut out*

    Customer: “Oh, this one is pre-teen, too.”

    Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we don’t have any new Bieber items.”

    Customer: *frowning at the cut out* “Just as well. I don’t really like my granddaughter having this Bieber stuff. Have you see how she looks?”

    Me: “Sorry? Your granddaughter?”

    Customer: “No, ‘Justine Bieber.’ She’d be so much prettier if she’d grow her hair out, is what I mean. With her hair all spiked up how it is, she looks like a lesbian!”

    Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

    Customer: “I need your system!”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

    Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

    Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

    Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

    Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

    Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

    Always The Same Old Song

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Money, Musical Mayhem

    (I am DJing an office Christmas party. A guy who had made tons of requests, most of which I’d played, approaches my workstation.)

    Guy: “Where’s my request?”

    Me: “I’ve been playing your requests where they fit.”

    Guy: “Well, play [Specific Song] next.”

    Me: “I’ll get it in soon, but I don’t think it’ll be next. I’ve got a lot of requests coming in, so I have to play them where they fit.”

    Guy: “Don’t worry about anyone else’s requests. I’m the boss. Just play my requests.”

    Me: “Oh, good. You’re the boss? Then where’s my cheque?”

    Guy: “What?”

    Me: “Well, since nobody’s bothered to come over and introduce themselves to me yet, I didn’t know who to come find to collect payment.”

    Guy: “So, just play my request whenever you can…”

    Waxing Lyrical On The Lyrics

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    Elderly Customer: “I’m trying to learn this song. Do you have music for ‘Your Mind Is On Vacation And Your Mouth Is Workin’ Overtime’?”

    Me: “No, but now I want to learn it, too!”

    Elderly Customer: “No s***, right?!”

    Way South Of Average Intelligence

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I am a light-skinned South African living in the United States. I occasionally get to perform my own music in a local hip-hop-oriented bar. I try to keep my lyrics clean of profanities, which is unusual for this audience.)

    Bar Patron #1: “It’s nice to hear some clean hip-hop here for a change.”

    Me: “Thanks. I just don’t see the need for me to swear, since most of my songs are about partying and that sort of light stuff.”

    Bar Patron #2: “Usually with the people who perform here, it’s ‘n-word this’, and ‘n-word that’.”

    Me: *laughing* “Can you imagine, a white South African using that word a whole bunch of times?”

    Bar Patron #2: “I know you could do that if you wanted to, since your country is run by African-Americans and all, but it’s nice that you don’t.”

    Me: “… Oh boy.”


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