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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Out Of Print, Out Of Mind

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (It is 1992. I am working cash register.)

    Customer: “Can you guys order a disc if I don’t see it out here?”

    Me: “Sure, I can make you a special order.”

    Customer: “Great, what do I do?”

    (We go through a form with the customer’s name, phone number, the band name and the album name.)

    Customer: “They’re called Split Enz, and the album is See You Around.”

    Me: “Oh, cool, I’ve heard of that band, but not that album. One minute…”

    (I look up the album in our distributor’s catalog.)

    Me: “Hmm, they don’t list that album here.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “So, I can’t place the order without the distributor’s catalog number. Hang on a second.”

    (I phone the distributor and find out that the album is out of print.)

    Me: “They say it’s actually called See Ya Round, but I’m sorry, I can’t order this for you. The album is out of print.”

    Customer: “Of course it is! That’s why I need you to order it for me!”

    Me: “If there aren’t any copies out in the bins, I can’t order you something that’s not being made anymore.”

    Customer: “No, it’s out of print! Order me a new one!”

    Me: “Sorry, it doesn’t actually work that way. If it’s out of print, the record company isn’t making it anymore. They aren’t sending us any more copies. It’s out of print.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know it’s out of print. That’s why I have to order it, duh! Why can’t you get it?”

    Me: “Because it’s out of print?”

    Customer: “I just said that! Order one!”

    Me: “Um, have you tried any of the used record stores in town?”

    Customer: “Jeez! If it’s out of print, why can’t you just order me one?!” *storms out*

    When Your Day Hits A High Note

    | Canada | Awesome Customers, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I have just calmly resolved the issue with an order.)

    Caller: “Can I sing for you?”

    Me: *not knowing what to expect* “Sure, why not?”

    (Surprisingly, the caller proceeded to sing the most beautiful rendition of ‘Smile’ by Nat King Cole. It was so beautiful, I even asked a coworker to come over and listen with me. When the customer was done crooning, I had goosebumps. This definitely made my week and made me SMILE!)

    A Cold Replay Post Coldplay

    | TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (We’re at a party during a large music festival. Drinks are free, and there are a number of other activities at the event. We’re standing in line for the video photo booth. The employee operating the booth overhears our conversation.)

    Me: “I pity whoever has to review all of these drunken videos.”

    Employee: “That would be me.”

    Me: “Oh… they make you look through every one of them?”

    Employee: “Yeah, I’ve seen so many bare breasts.”

    Me: “They flash the camera? Don’t they have to sign away their rights to the footage?”

    Employee: “Yeah, but here’s the thing you have to know about drunk girls at a music festival: They aren’t very smart.”

    Either Way, Their Works Are Ear-Splitting

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the till when a teenage male customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any albums by Vincent Van Gogh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Vincent Van Gogh.”

    Me: “Umm, you do know this is a music store, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Do you have anything by Vincent Van Gogh or not?”

    Me: “No. Vincent Van Gogh was a painter, not a musician.”

    Customer: “What?! But didn’t he do that song, Starry Night?”

    Me: “Sir, Starry Night is the name of one of Van Gogh’s paintings.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Ah, geez. I asked my girlfriend who her favorite artist was. She must’ve misunderstood the question. Hang on, let me go talk to her.”

    (He leaves. A few minutes later, he comes back.)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Do you have anything by Michael Bolton?”

    Me: “Yes we do. Would you like me to show you?”

    Customer:“Yes! Thank God, I thought he’d be another painter!”

    It’s Gonna Be Them, This I Promise You

    | Portsmouth, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (A customer comes into the music store where I work and asks me and my coworker if we can identify a song for him.  He sings a little bit and I immediately recognize it as being by NSYNC.)

    Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s not them. A woman sings it.”

    Me: “I’m sure the song you were singing is by NSYNC. I’ll show you the CD.”

    Coworker: “She’s right, sir. The song you want is definitely by NSYNC.”

    Customer: “It’s by a WOMAN! I’ll find it myself!”

    (A little while later, the customer comes up to the register with a CD by Alicia Keys.)

    Customer: “This has to be it! It sounds just like her!”

    Me: “Okay, but I have to warn you that we do not give refunds on open CDs, so if you find out this isn’t the right one you won’t be able to return it.”

    Customer: “I’m sure it’s the right one!”

    Me: “You’re sure you don’t want to give the NSYNC one a try?”

    Customer: “It’s not by them! I told you already!”

    (I sell the man the CD and watch as he walks across the parking lot to his car. He sits in his car for a few minutes, gets out, and starts to head back to the store with the CD and wrapper in his hand.)

    Customer: “This isn’t the song I wanted! I need to return this!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, as I said a few minutes ago, we cannot give refunds for CDs that have been opened.”

    Customer: “But I just bought it!”

    Me: “I understand that, but I told you before you bought it that it was not right one. You didn’t want to listen to me.”

    (The customer and I go back and forth for a few minutes.)

    Me: “Look, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one.”

    Customer: “It’s not them! It’s a woman!”

    Me: “Humor me. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one and if it turns out that I’m wrong, I’ll give you a refund. What have you got to lose?”

    Customer: “This is a waste of my time! Fine!”

    Me: *gets the CD for him and does the exchange*

    Customer: “I’ll be back for my refund!”

    (Again, I watch the man walk to his car. Not surprisingly, after listening to the CD for a few minutes, he starts his car and then drives off.)

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