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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    A Cold Replay Post Coldplay

    | TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (We’re at a party during a large music festival. Drinks are free, and there are a number of other activities at the event. We’re standing in line for the video photo booth. The employee operating the booth overhears our conversation.)

    Me: “I pity whoever has to review all of these drunken videos.”

    Employee: “That would be me.”

    Me: “Oh… they make you look through every one of them?”

    Employee: “Yeah, I’ve seen so many bare breasts.”

    Me: “They flash the camera? Don’t they have to sign away their rights to the footage?”

    Employee: “Yeah, but here’s the thing you have to know about drunk girls at a music festival: They aren’t very smart.”

    Either Way, Their Works Are Ear-Splitting

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the till when a teenage male customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any albums by Vincent Van Gogh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Vincent Van Gogh.”

    Me: “Umm, you do know this is a music store, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Do you have anything by Vincent Van Gogh or not?”

    Me: “No. Vincent Van Gogh was a painter, not a musician.”

    Customer: “What?! But didn’t he do that song, Starry Night?”

    Me: “Sir, Starry Night is the name of one of Van Gogh’s paintings.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Ah, geez. I asked my girlfriend who her favorite artist was. She must’ve misunderstood the question. Hang on, let me go talk to her.”

    (He leaves. A few minutes later, he comes back.)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Do you have anything by Michael Bolton?”

    Me: “Yes we do. Would you like me to show you?”

    Customer:“Yes! Thank God, I thought he’d be another painter!”

    It’s Gonna Be Them, This I Promise You

    | Portsmouth, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (A customer comes into the music store where I work and asks me and my coworker if we can identify a song for him.  He sings a little bit and I immediately recognize it as being by NSYNC.)

    Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s not them. A woman sings it.”

    Me: “I’m sure the song you were singing is by NSYNC. I’ll show you the CD.”

    Coworker: “She’s right, sir. The song you want is definitely by NSYNC.”

    Customer: “It’s by a WOMAN! I’ll find it myself!”

    (A little while later, the customer comes up to the register with a CD by Alicia Keys.)

    Customer: “This has to be it! It sounds just like her!”

    Me: “Okay, but I have to warn you that we do not give refunds on open CDs, so if you find out this isn’t the right one you won’t be able to return it.”

    Customer: “I’m sure it’s the right one!”

    Me: “You’re sure you don’t want to give the NSYNC one a try?”

    Customer: “It’s not by them! I told you already!”

    (I sell the man the CD and watch as he walks across the parking lot to his car. He sits in his car for a few minutes, gets out, and starts to head back to the store with the CD and wrapper in his hand.)

    Customer: “This isn’t the song I wanted! I need to return this!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, as I said a few minutes ago, we cannot give refunds for CDs that have been opened.”

    Customer: “But I just bought it!”

    Me: “I understand that, but I told you before you bought it that it was not right one. You didn’t want to listen to me.”

    (The customer and I go back and forth for a few minutes.)

    Me: “Look, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one.”

    Customer: “It’s not them! It’s a woman!”

    Me: “Humor me. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one and if it turns out that I’m wrong, I’ll give you a refund. What have you got to lose?”

    Customer: “This is a waste of my time! Fine!”

    Me: *gets the CD for him and does the exchange*

    Customer: “I’ll be back for my refund!”

    (Again, I watch the man walk to his car. Not surprisingly, after listening to the CD for a few minutes, he starts his car and then drives off.)

    For Every CD, Turn, Turn, Turn

    | Portsmouth, NH, USA | Money, Musical Mayhem, Top

    Customer: “Can I put some CDs on hold?”

    Me: “Sure, just pick out what you want and we can put them behind the counter.  However, we will only hold items for 24 hours.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

    (The customer then spends about an hour picking out approximately 20 CDs.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me how much they will be?”

    (I add up the prices using a calculator.)

    Me: “The total for the CDs is $280, but with sales tax it will be around $295.”

    Customer: “Okay, that’s fine.”

    Me: “They’ll be here behind the counter until tomorrow when we close. After that time, we’ll put them back.”

    (The customer does not come back the next day. I leave the CDs behind the counter for a few more days, just in case. About two weeks later, I’m eating my lunch in the back when a coworker interrupts me.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s a customer out here who says you put some CDs on hold for him. I can’t seem to find them and he’s getting really mad.”

    (I go up to the register and recognize the customer. His arms are crossed and he’s tapping his foot impatiently.)

    Customer: “Yes! You were the one! Where are my CDs?”

    Me: “Sir, I told you that we could only hold them for 24 hours. That was almost two weeks ago. I even waited a few extra days before putting them back.”

    Customer: “You didn’t tell me I only had 24 hours!”

    Me: “Yes, I’m sure that I did. I tell everybody.”

    Customer: “Do you know how long it took me to find those? Now I’m going to have to do it all over again and you’re going to help me since this is your fault!”

    (We spend about 45 minutes going around the store together. The whole time, he continues to yell at me and complain that he was never told about the 24 hour rule and I’ve made him waste his time. When he says he’s done, we bring the CDs up to the counter and I ring up everything while my coworker puts them in bags.)

    Me: “Okay, the total is $293.79.”

    Customer: “What?! How the h*** could it be that much?!”

    Me: “Well, you have about 20 CDs here. That’s why it is so much. I told you the price the last time you came in.”

    Customer: “You did not! Liar! LIAR!”

    Me: “Yes, I did. I added them up on a calculator. I told you that with sales tax the total amount would be around $295.”

    Customer: “YOU DID NOT!”

    Me: “Okay… fine, but regardless the total is $293.79.”

    Customer: “I want a discount for your lousy service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there will be no discount.”

    Customer: “Well, I need these CDs immediately or else I’d just walk out, but be warned that I’m going to make a complaint about you!”

    (He gives me a credit card, which is declined. He gives me another credit card, which is also declined. He wants to write a check, but our store does not accept checks for purchases over $100.)

    Customer: “I don’t have much cash! What am I going to do? Can I just write you an IOU? I’ll be back tomorrow morning with the money.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that is not possible. My only suggestions would be to put some of the CDs back—”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “—or perhaps we can try to spread out the total amount over the credit cards, a check, and cash.”

    Customer: “Do that!”

    (We spend quite awhile trying smaller and smaller amounts on his credit cards, but they’re all declined. He only has $6 cash, which only leaves a check.)

    Customer: “You can take a check for the whole amount, can’t you?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry.  Even if I wanted to, the register won’t accept check amounts over $100.”

    Customer: “Just put the whole thing in as cash!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “How about YOU pay for them and I’ll pay you back? You OWE me at least that much!”

    Me: “That is not going happen, sir.”

    (He spends a few minutes pacing and mumbling that he needs the CDs and he doesn’t understand why I won’t work with him. Eventually, he dumps the CDs out of the bags and begins to go through them.)

    Customer: “I can’t choose! Just put them all on hold for me and I’ll be back tomorrow morning!”

    Me: “Okay, but you do understand that if you do not come back by close tomorrow, that the CDs will be put back, right?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “24 hours… tomorrow… right?”

    Customer: “YES! I’M NOT STUPID!”

    (He never came back.)

    Goodnight Loon

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m at work when a teenage customer sees a bracelet I’m wearing.)

    Teenage Customer: *looking at my bracelet* “What’s that say?”

    Me:Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

    Teenage Customer: “That’s nice. What’s it from?”

    Me: “A song by Go Radio.”

    Teenage Customer: “Can I have your bracelet?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Teenage Customer: “Your bracelet. Can I have it?”

    Me: “Sorry, but this was given to me by the band when I saw them last October.”

    Teenage Customer: “But I WANT it!”

    Me: “Sorry, but if you want one like this, you either have to see them on tour or go on their webstore. I’m sure they’ll have them in either place.”

    (Suddenly, the teenage customer freaks and GRABS at my wrist, slapping the counter when I pull it back.)

    Teenage Customer: “I WANT THAT ONE! Why are YOU so special that they gave it to you?!”

    Me: “Some little teenage brat mashed gum into my hair because I wouldn’t give her my spot at the barrier. All of the bands found out and Go Radio gave me this.”

    Teenage Customer: *suddenly calm* “Oh… can I have it, then?”

    Me: “What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”

    Teenage Customer: “I guess I should look up the webstore then…”

    (She walks off, leaving my manager and the next customer confused.)

    Next Customer: “What in the h*** was THAT about?!”

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