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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    TV Isn’t The Only Thing Un-tuned

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to tech support. How can I help?”

    (A very drunk man speaks, very slowly.)

    Man: “They were supposed to come fix it between 1 and 2 today, and never came.”

    (It’s nearly 4 pm, and while we don’t do those kind of time windows, sometimes someone gives incorrect information. So, I ask for his account information, during which I find out that he is having issues with his TV service, which is not with us.)

    Me: “Sir, who is your television service with?”

    Man: “I. Don’t. Know.”

    Me: “Do you have a bill from them?”

    Man: “I. Don’t. Know.”

    Me: “Well, who did you call for the service repair?”

    Man: “I. Don’t. Know.”

    (He then starts drunken rambling about his TV not working, and no one showing up between 1 and 2 pm. He then says the company name in the middle of the ramble!)

    Me: “Sir, your TV service, is it with [company]?”

    Man: “Yes, they were supposed to come fix my TV today between 1 and 2!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, but you called your phone and internet company, not your cable company.”

    Man: “Oh, can you transfer me to them?”

    Me: “No, you’ll need to call them.”

    Man: “I don’t know their number.”

    Me: “Sir, look in your phone book.”

    Man: “I. Can’t. Find. One.”

    Me: “Then call 411.”

    Man: “That costs money!”

    (We loop around this for a while. I can see he calls us all the time to make us look up phone numbers for him, which the company doesn’t like. Finally it ends with him accepting this.)

    Man: “In case I don’t talk to you again this season… Have a holly, jolly Christmas / It’s the best time of the year…

    (He proceeds to sing, in drunken off key slur, the entire song of ‘have a holly jolly Christmas’. My company doesn’t allow us to disconnect calls, for any reason, so I had to listen to the whole thing!)

    Putting The X Into Xmas

    | Australia | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a small town airport where, every year, we have a small talent contest. Although I do usually work at the flights desk, I am on talent duty, announcing all contestants. The prize for winning the contest is a flight to a destination of your choice within Australia.)

    Me: “Thank you to Waldo the Wizard for showing us his amazing magic tricks. Now, for our last act, we have The Anonymous Singer!”

    (Claps of applause.)

    Anonymous Singer: *pompous* “Thank you very much. I will be singing my own person version of Jingle Bells.”

    (The anonymous singer proceeds to sing a very crude and racist version of ‘Jingle Bells’, leaving the audience and I in stunned silence.)

    Anonymous Singer: “Well? I demand my prize!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I am disqualifying you for the use crude language.”

    Anonymous Singer: “I demand a flight to New York to show off my talent!”

    Me: “I cannot allow you to be in this airport. I must ask you to leave.”

    (He begins to sing the song again when an audience member stops him.)

    Audience Member: “Right, you’re coming with me!”

    (The audience member is about 6 foot, and looks like a body builder. He literally picks up the anonymous singer and carries her away.)

    Anonymous Singer: *screaming* “I’m never coming back! You will never hear my talented voice ever again!”

    Me: “Thank God for that!”

    Unloading More Than Just Shopping

    | AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (A customer is singing ‘Call Me Maybe’ really loud and obnoxiously while unloading items. I’m in line behind her. People behind me are complaining. The owner sneaks up behind her.)

    Customer: “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…”

    Owner: “…but you’re in my store, so SHUT UP MAYBE!”

    (I will shop there for the rest of my life!)

    Smells Like Teen Illiteracy

    | Medford, MA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Do you have anything from Nirvana?”

    Me: “Sure, right this way. Here is a book about Kurt Kobain, and over here is a copy of his diary.”

    Customer: “No, the music.”

    Me: “Oh, did you want the book about the band and the grunge scene?”

    Customer: “No, the music.”

    (The customer holds up his hands to his ears, miming headphones.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the music on CD?”

    Customer: “Yeah, a CD.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. We don’t sell that here. Maybe you could try the music store on the other side of the mall?”

    Customer: “What? You’re out of the CD?”

    Me: “No, we don’t sell CDs at all. Just the—”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Ah, because this is a bookstore?”

    Customer: *looks up and around for the first time* “Huh! What a stupid store!” *walks out*

    A Sound Driver Is Music To My Ears

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem, Top, Transportation

    (I am a passenger on the train heading home from a long day at school, keeping to myself as it is nearly midnight. A teenager is listening to very obnoxiously loud music. We come to our first stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to where the teenager is sitting* “Would you mind turning down your music? You’re disturbing everyone.”

    (The teenager laughs and ignores him. The driver glares at him, the teenager only turns it down until the train leaves again. We come to our second stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to the teenager* “Turn down your music. You’re disturbing everyone.”

    Teenager: “No, I’m not! Everyone likes music!”

    (The driver looks around to everyone on the train.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants to listen to this jacka**’s music.”

    (Silence.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants the jacka** to turn off his music so they can get home in peace.”

    (All hands go up.)

    Driver: “If I come back again, you’re off the train.”

    Teenager: *glares at everyone around the train and gets off on the next stop*

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