Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

Me: “Well, what did he do?”

Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

(The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

(A few of us employees had just made a cup of ‘heart-stopper’, popcorn with way too much butter and salt, between shows. A mother and her son walk up to the counter.)

Son: “What’s that?”

Me: “We call it the heart-stopper.”

Son: “Can I try some?”

Me: “That’s up to your mom.”

(She gives consent and the kid really likes it and starts eating several pieces.)

Me: “Hey, slow down or you’ll wake up fat tomorrow morning!”

Son: “Woah! Is that what happened to you?”

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

(I work at a certain attraction where you run, jump and dance at the video capture station, then that video is put into a video game and the avatar is yourself. A little girl approaches.)

Me: “Hello sweetheart, have you played before?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Well, basically you run jump and dance in here. Then, our computers put you into the video game!”

Girl: “But…how do we get out of the video game?”

(I am the first person to arrive at work in the morning, and I answer a call literally as soon as I walk into the door.)

Caller: “Finally! I have been calling since 5 am! You people should be ashamed, I have an emergency!”

Me: “I’m sorry, no one gets here until 10 am most days. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I have a serious problem! My daughter has planned to have a date sometime today at your theater, and I told her she was not allowed to go! I need you to cancel her ticket!”

(I see no pre-sales for the day at all.)

Me: “Well no one has bought a ticket so far for today, so I can’t really help. Maybe you should just make her stay home?”

Caller: “Well I can’t do that, she lives in her own place and I can’t get over there in time to stop her.”

Me: “So just how old is your daughter anyway?”

Caller: “She’s 28.”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s an adult and I cannot refuse her a ticket because you do not approve of her date.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! He’s a Democrat!”

(I have a caller named Victor Krumm in the computer system. I’m a Harry Potter fan.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re Victor Krumm?”

Caller: “Yep, that’s me.”

Me: “Sorry, this might sound funny, but did you know that there’s a book series called Harry Potter with a character with that name?”

(There’s a pause, as if he’s thinking, and suddenly he yells.)

Caller: “THE MUGGLES KNOW!”

(He hangs up. His wife calls a little while later to actually schedule.)