(A mom, dad, and their son walk out of a 3D movie and are throwing their 3D glasses into the recycling bin.)
 
Son: “Can I keep my glasses?”
 
Mother: “No, we have to recycle them.”
 
Son: “What if I don’t?”
 
Mother: “Uh, well…then you go to purgatory!”

 (I’m helping a middle aged man carry the items he bought from the concession stand to his theater.)
 
Me: “So, who are you here with?”
 
Customer: “My son.”
 
(We walk into the theater, and the man sees his son.)
 
Customer: “Son, look what I brought you! A girl!”

(I’m hosting and whenever I seat a table, I put an ‘X’ next to the server who got the table so that all the servers get the same amount of tables. Two women walk in.)

Me: “Hello, how many for you today?”

Woman 1: “Just the two.”

Me: *marking the next server* “Well, if you just want to follow me.”

Woman 2: “That wasn’t our name!”

Me: “What?”

Woman 2: “We didn’t have a reservation. That wasn’t us!”

Me: “Oh, I was just marking the server you’ll be having today.”

Woman 1: “Sorry, we just saw Date Night and they took someone’s reservation and almost died!”

(I’m working the outside ticket counter and an elderly woman comes up to buy a ticket.)

Customer: “I want a ticket to see [movie].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That movie’s not showing here.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I’d like a ticket, please.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we’re not showing that. Did you see it listed in the paper? Sometimes some of the titles get switched around.”

Customer: “No. I saw the commercial for it and it said it was ‘showing at a theater near you’, and this is the closest theater to my house!”

(At the cinema the water is really expensive, the bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)

Me: “Hi what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll just grab a water thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”

Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”

Customer: “But it’s water. You know that s*** comes from the sky right?”