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    Category: Movies & TV

    Not A Sound Argument

    | Exeter, England, UK | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working on retail in the cinema. It’s quiet because all the films have started. A lady comes down from a screen.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help?”

    Customer: “Yes. My daughter and I are watching a film in screen one, and the sound is AWFUL! You can hardly hear anything. It’s terrible! Can’t you get it fixed? I’ve had my hearing tested by professionals and I’ve got the hearing of a 14-year-old, so I know I’m not just imagining it. Get it fixed. It’s ruining our film. My daughter’s been looking forward to seeing it for ages, and it’s ruined!”

    (When she finally leaves, I radio the technician to check it out. Afterwards, he comes to the counter.)

    Technician: “You know the problem in screen one?”

    Me: “Yeah, what exactly was the problem?”

    Technician: “Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with it. I didn’t do anything to fix it, because it’s fine. She must be nuts.”

    (After the film, the customer approaches me at the counter again.)

    Customer: “Thank you SO much for getting that problem checked out. It was SO much better afterwards!”

    Not Quite On The Money

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (The grocery store I work at also sells DVDs for a pretty cheap price. A customer comes up to me, irate.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need to return this movie!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure we’ll be able to refund you, since it’s been opened. Was the disc scratched or something?”

    Customer: “No! The movie was terrible! I can’t believe you would sell me such a horrible movie!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry to hear you didn’t like the movie, but we can’t refund you just because you didn’t like it.”

    Customer: “Yes, you can! You’ve seen the movie; you know how bad it is! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Sir, I’ve never seen this movie.”

    Customer: “Yes, you have!”

    Me: *confused, and 100 percent sure I’ve never seen it* “I’m sorry, but I’ve never seen this movie. I’m not a fan of this genre.”

    Customer: “YES. YOU. HAVE. You can’t sell movies you haven’t seen, without knowing if they’re any good. It’s the law!”

    (At this point my manager has heard the yelling and comes over.)

    Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes. This movie was terrible and this girl sold it to me knowing it would be bad, and now she’s claiming she never saw it. You should fire her.”

    Manager: “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, sir. We can refund you this time, but in the future, please be aware that you buy movies at your own risk.”

    Customer: “Good. You should take more care hiring your employees. SOME of them like to break the law!”

    (She refunds the movie, and hands the man the $3 he paid for it.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Manager: “It’s your refund.”

    Customer: “No way! I paid way more than this. I paid $20!”

    (It clearly says ‘$3 movies!’ on the rack behind him, which I point out.)

    Customer: “This is bulls***! I demand my full refund! Look, it even says $20 here on my receipt!”

    (I take the receipt, find the movie listed, and point out that it clearly says $3. The customer continues trying to argue his case and my manager takes over again.)

    Manager: “Okay, sir. I see the problem here. May I have that money back?”

    (She proceeds to count the money back into the drawer, and then count it back out again, so it still adds up to $3. Then she hands it back to the customer.)

    Manager: “Here you go, sir. I’m very sorry about that. I’ll be sure to have a talk with [My Name] about counting out money correctly. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you! It’s about time someone knew what they were doing!”

    (The customer stalks off, mumbling about how incompetent I am, without noticing that he still only had $3. My manager and I had a pretty good laugh once he was gone!)

    No Plaice For A Jedi

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I have just placed an order at a fish ‘n’ chips restaurant.)

    Cashier: “Okay, here’s your receipt, sir. Your order number is 66.”

    Me: “Huh. How many Order 66′s do you get through every day?”

    Cashier: “Two, sometimes three.”

    Me: “Wow, all those poor Jedi…”

    This Time, It’s Personal

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work for a business management firm that deals primarily with people in the entertainment industry. My employer has decided to give out my personal cell phone number, without telling me, to one particular client who is incredibly needy. I receive a phone call on a weekend at about three am.)

    Me: *groggily answering the phone* “Hello?”

    Client: “There’s something wrong with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “I… I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

    Client: “This is [My Name], right?”

    Me: “Um, yes? Who is this?”

    Client: “What? You mean you don’t recognize my voice? Seriously, how many times have I spoken to you on the phone? You should KNOW who this is.”

    Me: *I instantly figure out who it is* “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was you. I also didn’t realize you had my personal number.”

    Client: “Yeah, [Boss] gave it to me and told me that you were on call for me whenever I needed something. I’m having a problem with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s three am on Sunday. I’m not in the office and don’t have access to your information right now. What seems to be the problem, though? Have you tried calling them directly?”

    Client: “No, I haven’t called them! That’s what I pay you for! Look, I’m trying to order a movie and it’s not going through. I keep getting an error message and it tells me to call this number on the screen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to suggest you call the number provided and see if they can help. I don’t see how I will be of much use in the middle of the night on the weekend and out of the office.”

    Client: “Listen. I NEED to get this movie. I left my laptop in the studio and I need to watch porn, okay? Do you get it now? I NEED MY F****** PORN!”

    Me: “Look. I’m sorry, but as I mentioned before there isn’t anything I can do. Either call the cable company and have them try and help or it will have to wait until I’m in the office Monday morning.”

    Client: “Well, f*** you then! Just you wait until I call [Boss] and tell him about the HORRIBLE service you are providing. This is not what I pay you for!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

    (Sure enough, the client did call my boss. When I came in on Monday he tried to tear me a new one for not helping out the client. I, in turn, went off on him about how unprofessional and not okay it was to give out my personal contact information without my consent and he shut up. No apology. I resigned that week.)

    Projecting Stupidity On To Others

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m standing outside an auditorium waiting for the last customers to leave so I can begin cleaning. A man holding a child comes out, irate.)

    Customer: “If I didn’t have my kid with me right now, I’d be kicking somebody’s a**!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Tell your guy up in the booth to stop shining f****** lights in people’s faces! My wife was looking for something! I don’t care if we were standing in front of people! The movie was over!”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about. We only have one story to the building and no one was manning the projectors at the time.)

    Me: “Sir, I—”

    (At this point my manager cuts me off.)

    Manager: “Yes, sir. I’ll have a talk with him. We’re sorry.”

    Customer: “Good! Next time I’m kicking somebody’s a** if he shines a light in my face!” *walks away*

    Me: “What in the world was he talking about?!”

    (The manager gestures to follow him to where the guy was sitting and points back toward the window near the ceiling where the movie was projected. The customer had stood while the credits were playing and having stood, was in the glow of the light. He had looked back and blinded himself by looking at it.)

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