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  • Category: Movies & TV

    Logo Loco

    | USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

    Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

    Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

    Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

    Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.’”

    Customer: *storms out*

    EBT For HBO

    | CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money, Movies & TV

    (A customer has called to make a payment with a credit card.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, your bill total is [amount]. What credit card will you be using today?”

    Caller: “My credit card number is…”

    (The caller starts reading off a credit card number that starts with the number 5, which is a Mastercard, but I notice that what she is reading is over 16 digits long.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but the credit card number you gave me is too long. Is it a Master Card?”

    Customer: “No, it’s EBT.”

    Dethroning Assumptions

    | NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (During a quiet moment at work, I overhear a college-aged guy snickering as he watches a woman in her mid-twenties at the next table. She’s reading ‘A Game of Thrones.’)

    Woman: *finally sets down the book and smiles politely at him* “Can I help you?”

    Guy: *still snickering a little, gesturing to her book* “Let me guess. You’re reading those because of the show, right? And the hot guys on it?”

    (This is so out of line that I consider intervening, but before I can, the woman the guy the most condescending smile I’ve ever seen in my life.)

    Woman: “I’m sorry. How old are you?”

    Guy: “What? Why?”

    Woman: “This book came out in 1996. I’m curious to see if you were even alive when it was first published.”

    (The guy gapes at her, then scowls, mutters a sexist slur, and gets up to storm out. The woman notices me watching and grins.)

    Woman: “This is my fourth time through these books, and I bet you anything I was reading the first one before he even knew how to read. Plus I’m gay, so I actually watch the show for the hot ladies!”

    (Faced with this, I do the only thing I possibly can and bow deeply to her.)

    Me: “Khaleesi!”

    Probably Also Watched The Simple Life

    | Sanford, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Religion

    Me: “Hi. This is [My Name] calling with [Company] regarding savings on the electric bill. May I please speak with [Customer]?”

    Customer: “WE’RE AMISH! WE DON’T HAVE ELECTRICITY!”

    Me: “But you have a phone?”

    Customer: “We sometimes have phones at the end of our properties for emergencies! You’d know that if you watched Amish Mafia!”

    Me: “So, you also have a TV?”

    (*click*)

    Contains Refunds Not Suitable For A Younger Audience

    | Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV

    (My colleague has kicked out a pair of boys from a 15-rated film. Managers have stated to us in the past that screen jumpers do not get refunds.)

    Boy: “We want our money back!”

    Colleague: “I’ll talk to the manager.”

    (My colleague goes behind the concession stand for a couple of minutes and comes out.)

    Colleague: “My manager says he will not be issuing you a refund.”

    Boy: “Then let us back into our film!”

    Colleague: “No.”

    (My colleague leaves me standing on gate with these boys.)

    Boy: “Why can’t you let us back in?”

    Me: “You’ve broken the contract you signed by buying a ticket, which states that refunds are not issued, that you will go to the film on your ticket and not into one you’ve been refused entry to, and you’ve broken the trust in our staff that you will keep your deal.”

    Boy: “Well, we’re not leaving until we get our money back.”

    Me: “You’ve broken your side of the bargain. We have a zero tolerance policy against people who run between screens for any reason and thus we will not be issuing you a refund. Your threat can be seen as harassment, and at this point your only options are to leave this building, or go home escorted by the police. I really don’t mind which.”

    (The boys hesitate, and then run off!)

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