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    Category: Movies & TV

    Projecting Stupidity On To Others

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m standing outside an auditorium waiting for the last customers to leave so I can begin cleaning. A man holding a child comes out, irate.)

    Customer: “If I didn’t have my kid with me right now, I’d be kicking somebody’s a**!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Tell your guy up in the booth to stop shining f****** lights in people’s faces! My wife was looking for something! I don’t care if we were standing in front of people! The movie was over!”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about. We only have one story to the building and no one was manning the projectors at the time.)

    Me: “Sir, I—”

    (At this point my manager cuts me off.)

    Manager: “Yes, sir. I’ll have a talk with him. We’re sorry.”

    Customer: “Good! Next time I’m kicking somebody’s a** if he shines a light in my face!” *walks away*

    Me: “What in the world was he talking about?!”

    (The manager gestures to follow him to where the guy was sitting and points back toward the window near the ceiling where the movie was projected. The customer had stood while the credits were playing and having stood, was in the glow of the light. He had looked back and blinded himself by looking at it.)

    Parental Misguidance, Part 2

    | WA, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the ticket counter. One of the movies playing is a PG-13 war movie. A customer walks in with two young girls and an infant in her arms.)

    Customer: “We want three tickets for [movie].”

    Me: “Okay. You are aware that this is a PG-13 movie, correct? It will be somewhat loud and scary for young children.”

    Customer: “You have no right to tell me how to raise my children! I am working very hard to raise them, and I don’t need criticism from someone like you, who never even graduated from school!”

    (I had.)

    Me: “Okay. I’m sorry. Here are your tickets.”

    (She storms off in a huff. Fifteen minutes after the movie has started, she comes barreling out of the theater, all three of her children sobbing. My manager steps forward to ask if she is okay, but the woman brushes past her and out of the building.)

    Related:
    Parental Misguidance

    Channeling Good Customer Service

    | MI, USA | Movies & TV

    (I’m the bad guy in this one. I enjoy messing with telemarketers and wasting their time. Most telemarketers aren’t allowed to hang up on you. They’re required to give the whole spiel, regardless of what you say or don’t say, and wait for an answer.)

    Caller: “Good afternoon, Mr. [My Name]. My name is [Name], and I’m calling from [Telephone Company]. How are you today?”

    Me: “Please hold.”

    (I place the handset down in front of the television, which is turned to a 24-hour news station, and I walk away. Ten minutes later, I come back to hang up the handset, and notice that the line is still live. I can hear the telemarketer on the other end talking to a coworker.)

    Caller: “…apparently we still have troops in Afghanistan. And Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Hang on. I hear breathing! Mr. [My Name], are you there?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but Mr. [My Name] isn’t available. Can I take a message?”

    Caller: “Sure. Tell him to set the TV to Comedy Central next time I call. You have a nice day.”

    The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

    Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

    (Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

    Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

    Me: “Wha?”

    Patron: “Like this one, here!”

    (He holds up an old VHS.)

    Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

    Me: “‘Pennies,’” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

    Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

    Life Is Stranger Than Movie Fiction

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cinema attendant at a movie theatre. I am working at one of the registers when a customer storms up to my till.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are you the manager?”

    Me: “No, but I would be happy to fetch them for you. What is the issue, just in case I can help you out?”

    Customer: “The movie I just watched was absolutely ridiculous, and I couldn’t stand it. I want my money back for it!”

    Me: “Oh, which movie was it?”

    (The customer states the name of a movie which had just finished screening, after she had sat through the entire movie.)

    Customer: “I also want my money back for my combo as well. The popcorn was just FAR too salty!”

    (The customer has about a quarter of a large box of popcorn left in her hand, after having eaten all the rest.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t actually refund tickets for movies that you watched all the way through. If you had come out after about 15 to 20 minutes, we could have, but not after you’ve seen the entire thing. We also can’t give refunds on food that has already been eaten.”

    Customer: “That is so stupid. What kind of customer service is this? I paid for this food and that movie, but I didn’t enjoy it. Surely you are meant to keep the customer happy?!”


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