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    Category: Movies & TV

    The Rains Of Custamere

    | Bern, Switzerland | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I am discussing with a coworker the Red Wedding episode of ‘Game Of Thrones.’ We go all detailed and compare every action with the books. Suddenly, we hear a sobbing noise behind us. Turning around, we see that a young customer is standing behind us. She’s close to tears.)

    Customer: “Godd*** spoilers!”

    (The customer runs out of the store.)

    Coworker: “Well, you ruined her life. That’s the curse of being a bookstore employee.”

    18 And Blunder, Part 3

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a satellite call center and help customers with billing as well as tech support. A customer calls in upset about her last bill.)

    Customer: “My bill is only supposed to be $67.99 a month and this month it was over $700!! I had to come home early to have time to call you about this. What are you people trying to pull on me!?”

    Me: “I will me more than happy to look at this for you as I can definitely see why this would make you upset.

    (I can immediately see the issue: two to three adult pay-per-view movies at $17.99 each have been ordered several times a day for the last two weeks.)

    Me: Looking at the bill, I think I see exactly where the problem is. Do you or your husband watch any um… mature themed movies?”

    Customer: “What!? I don’t watch that smut and besides, it’s just my son and I who live here! I don’t like what you’re insinuating! I demand you remove these charges!!”

    Me: *catching on almost immediately as I have two older sons myself* “Ahh, I think I might see the problem ma’am. Let me ask you this if I may… How old is your son?”

    Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s 13.”

    Me: “Uh huh. And if I might ask, what time does he get out of school?”

    Customer: “He gets out of school at about two, and then gets rights to studying in his room. He’s going to go to college when he’s older. He’s absolutely brilliant. He studies all day long in there.”

    Me: “Right. Well, the reason I ask is because I can see the time these movies are ordered AND the receiver that they are ordered on. Ma’am, it looks like ALL of them are ordered on the receiver in one of the bedrooms, and ALL between the times of around 2:15 pm and about 4:30 pm. About what time do you normally get home from work, if you don’t mind me asking?”

    Customer: *getting livid about now* “Now look here, missy! I don’t like the idea that you think my son is watching that smut on TV and I most certainly don’t like the idea that you think that I would tolerate that in a Christian house like mine. I demand that you both remove this… this… filth from my bill and apologize to me for even thinking that my boy would even know what some of this… this… stuff even is!!”

    (As she’s ranting on about her beautiful, pure, Christian son I see yet another expensive adult PPV being ordered so I interrupt her tirade.)

    Me: “Ma’am! I don’t want to be rude, but is your son home right now?”

    Customer: “Yes, he is!”

    Me: “Good! Because, I see another of these movies is being ordered right now. So do this: just go in and tell me what you see, and if it’s not porn, I’ll be more than happy to remove every one of these charges.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll show you that my son is a good boy and—” *I hear a door open*

    Son: “MOM!” *call drops*

    (I laugh my a** off for five minutes. And no, I didn’t credit even one PPV charge.)

    Related:
    18 And Blunder, Part 2
    18 And Blunder

    Logo Loco

    | USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

    Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

    Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

    Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

    Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.’”

    Customer: *storms out*

    EBT For HBO

    | CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money, Movies & TV

    (A customer has called to make a payment with a credit card.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, your bill total is [amount]. What credit card will you be using today?”

    Caller: “My credit card number is…”

    (The caller starts reading off a credit card number that starts with the number 5, which is a Mastercard, but I notice that what she is reading is over 16 digits long.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but the credit card number you gave me is too long. Is it a Master Card?”

    Customer: “No, it’s EBT.”

    Dethroning Assumptions

    | NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (During a quiet moment at work, I overhear a college-aged guy snickering as he watches a woman in her mid-twenties at the next table. She’s reading ‘A Game of Thrones.’)

    Woman: *finally sets down the book and smiles politely at him* “Can I help you?”

    Guy: *still snickering a little, gesturing to her book* “Let me guess. You’re reading those because of the show, right? And the hot guys on it?”

    (This is so out of line that I consider intervening, but before I can, the woman the guy the most condescending smile I’ve ever seen in my life.)

    Woman: “I’m sorry. How old are you?”

    Guy: “What? Why?”

    Woman: “This book came out in 1996. I’m curious to see if you were even alive when it was first published.”

    (The guy gapes at her, then scowls, mutters a sexist slur, and gets up to storm out. The woman notices me watching and grins.)

    Woman: “This is my fourth time through these books, and I bet you anything I was reading the first one before he even knew how to read. Plus I’m gay, so I actually watch the show for the hot ladies!”

    (Faced with this, I do the only thing I possibly can and bow deeply to her.)

    Me: “Khaleesi!”

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