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    Category: Movies & TV

    Hollywood, M.D.

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

    Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

    (I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

    Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

    Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

    Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

    Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

    Me: “Where did you see it?”

    Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

    Jane Austen-tacious

    | Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    Customer: “Hi. Maybe you can help me. I saw a movie last night on TV. It was about those things that Oprah does? Do you know what it was?”

    Me: “What happened in the movie?”

    Customer: “Well, they read books, but only by this one person who writes books.”

    Me: “Like a book club?”

    Customer: “Yes! A book club! But the movie came from a book. What was the title?”

    Me: “Was it The Jane Austin Book Club?”

    Customer: “Yes! Would you have any books by Jane Austen?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (I take her to our Jane Austen books. She is very excited and starts flipping through them.)

    Customer: “Hey, wait! There’s no photo of her! I want to see what she looks like!”

    Me: “I’m afraid there aren’t any photos of her.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “She lived two hundred years ago.”

    Customer: “Oh! So do all of her books take place in her time?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So…she didn’t write The Jane Austen Book Club?”

    Some Films Are Just Sick

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Wow, I haven’t been to this theater since that movie Sex in the Time of Gonorrhea!”

    Me: “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Oops! I mean Love! Love in the Time of Gonorrhea“.

    Customer’s Friend: “I think you mean Love in the Time of Cholera.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that what I said?”

    Twilight Vs Holy Light

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Religion, Top

    (A young woman, about 20 years old, comes up to the counter holding a copy of The Bible.)

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hey, can you tell me what this is about?”

    Me: “The Bible?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what’s it about?”

    Me: “The Bible has two parts, the Old Testament which is scriptures and the New Testament, which contains the story of Jesus’ life and works as told through the gospels, written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.”

    Customer: “Huh. Is it any good?”

    Me: “It’s pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just get this one instead.” *puts a copy of Twilight on the counter*

    Free Cop Holder With Drink

    | Durham, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Top

    (A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

    Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

    Customer: “What! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

    Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

    Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

    Me: “So you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

    Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

    Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”

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