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    Category: Movies & TV

    Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    (As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Is it alive?”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

    Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

    Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

    Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

    Customer: “And they’re not?”

    Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

    Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

    Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

    Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

    Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

    Customer: “Yeah….”

    Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

    Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

    Me: “There you go.”

    One Of The Bugbears Of The Service Industry

    | Joplin, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at a chain movie store. A young couple come in with two large cardboard boxes full of DVDs to sell back to us. I start the buy-back. I check about 10 DVDs for disk quality with no problem but when I open the next one, cockroaches literally explode out of it and all over me. Naturally, I scream, hurl the DVD away, and proceed to shake and twitch for five minutes. Once I get myself together I put the DVDs back in the box and call the customers back up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot complete your buy-back at this time. I found some cockroaches in one of the cases and don’t feel comfortable working with them. If you’d like to check over them yourselves I’d be glad to look at them when you bring them back.”

    Young Woman: “You found what?”

    Me: “Cockroaches.”

    Young Woman: “Well, they’ve been sitting in a garage for months.”

    Me: “If you go through them at home and bring them back I’ll be glad to help you then. But not today.”

    Young Woman: “Okay. So, are you going to do the buy-back now?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Odds Of Finding A Seat Are Not In Their Favor

    | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (It is the day before Thanksgiving at the movie theater where I work and ‘The Hunger Games’ has just premiered. Obviously, we are completely swamped. All four open tills have had an unending line of customers for the past hour. Despite this, my coworkers and I are all in sync and nothing has gone wrong the whole night. Suddenly, a family I don’t recognize walks up to me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me. You need to do something about this right away.”

    Me: “What is the problem, ma’am?”

    Father: “You oversold this theater! There’re more people in there then there are seats! People are sitting in the aisles!”

    (Our computer system that alerts us when a theater is about to sell out has malfunctioned, so we stopped selling tickets to “The Hunger Games” when there were only five seats remaining, as opposed to the fifteen we would normally. My guess is that they can’t find seats together.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry that the theater is crowded. I’ve called my manager down to see what he wants us to do. In any case you will definitely get a full refund.”

    Father: “We don’t want a refund. We want to see the movie! WE can’t do that because YOU sold us tickets to a movie with no seats.”

    Me: “You see, there must be at least five open seats in the theater because we can’t sell more tickets than there are seats.”

    (I tilt my register forward so they can see it and try to sell the last five tickets, showing them that it physically won’t let me.)

    Mother: “Well you DID sell more!”

    (At this point my manager arrives. They yell at him, and he instructs me to refund the total of their tickets and concessions purchases.)

    Daughter: “Thanks for nothing. We’ll go to a theater that knows what they’re doing.”

    Me: *to my manager* “Says the people who came ten minutes late to the most popular movie of the year and expected to find three seats together.”

    (My manager later went into the theater to find nobody ‘sitting in the aisles,’ and a total of five unoccupied seats. Not together, of course.)

    In Desperate Need Of A Guide

    , | Kalix, Sweden | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I’m working at a small fast food restaurant where we also have some assorted snacks, magazines, and newspapers. An elderly customer walks in.)

    Customer: “Oh, this TV-guide is old!”

    Me: “It is? Can I take a look? No, it’s the current one, till the fourth of December.”

    Customer: “But it came yesterday!”

    Me: “Yes, it did.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to pay for the day I missed! Remove that day from the price!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *angrily* “But it’s old! I shouldn’t pay for a day I can’t use!”

    Me: “I don’t control what day you buy your TV-guide on…”

    (She eventually bought the TV-guide and left in a snit, slamming the door behind her.)

    Look Before You Dive

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (At the dive shop I work at, we do all sorts of courses, but mostly learn-to-dive courses called ‘open water course.’ Just before closing, a customer walks in.)

    Customer: “Hi, I did this course with you… um… learning… an open course?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the beginners course?”

    Customer: “I don’t know/ It was the… the… open course or something like that.”

    Me: “Was it the ‘learn to dive’ course? The first dive course you have done?”

    Customer: “No! Maybe… I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Yeah, if it was the beginner’s course, then it is called the ‘open water course.’”

    Customer: “That’s the one! So, I did that with you guys. You gave me a DVD and said when I bring it back you give me $50.”

    (I had never heard of such a thing, but I haven’t been working there for more than a couple of months so I ask my coworker about it.)

    Coworker: “Nah, mate, we don’t give out DVDs. It’s all online. Maybe you did the course with someone else?”

    Customer: “No, I did it here! You said you give me $50! I have the DVD. You know, it is a CD but with videos on it!”

    Coworker: “I know what a DVD is, but we still don’t do that trade-in you are talking about.”

    Manager: *poking head around corner* “When did you do your course?”

    Customer: “About… three, four years ago?”

    Manager: “Hm. So, about five years ago we gave out DVDs for customers to watch before their course rather than watching the videos here. They had to pay $40 deposit which they got back when they returned the DVD.”

    Customer: “Yes, that was it! I found the DVD now. Can I give it back and you give me $50?”

    Manager: “No. First of all you would’ve only paid $40 deposit, and we haven’t use the DVDs for at least four years.”

    Customer: “But… I found it again! Can I bring it in and I get money back?”

    Manager: “No! They are useless to us now and you are about five years late in returning it!”

    (The customer just turns and walks out the store.)

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