Category: Movies & TV

Even Hills Have Bills

| Alderwood, WA, USA | Movies & TV

(I work as floor staff for a major theater company. This happened about two and a half years ago, just prior to a haircut. Two teenage girls walk up to the box office.)

Me: “How’s it goin’?”

Customer #1: “Two for… oh, what’s that called?”

Customer #2: *looks at me* “He should know. He was in it!”

Me: *baffled* “Um, I’m sorry?”

Customer #2: “You’re that guy, right? That Superbad guy, right?”

Me: “…Jonah Hill?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, that’s right!”

Customer #1: “Hey, yeah!”

Me: “I guarantee you I’m not Jonah Hill.”

Customer #2: “Are you sure?”

Me: “If I was Jonah Hill, why would I be working for minimum wage at a movie theater?”

Customer #2: “Maybe you need a second job?”

My Day’s About To Get Hairy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

(I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

Me: “Um, thanks.”

Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

Me: “Yes. I like them.”

Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*

Team Cougar, Part 2

| Memphis, TN, USA | Movies & TV

(I work ticketing at a movie theater. A middle-aged woman and her daughter approach me.)

Customer: “We’d like two tickets to…what are we going to see?”

Daughter: “It’s Breaking Dawn.”

Customer: “I’ve been calling it Sexy Vampires all day.”

Related:
Team Cougar

Monkey See, Monkey Please Don’t Do That Again

| Roswell, GA, USA | Movies & TV

(I am working box office when a father and his 13 year old son come up to my window. We are located in the same mall area as our competitors.)

Me: “Welcome to [theater], sir. How can I help you today?”

(The father gets a huge grin on his face. He begins to scratch his head and make monkey noises.)

Me: *speechless*

Father: “The monkey movie!”

Son: “Dad, it’s Planet of the Apes!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, you want [competition] down the street. We don’t have that here.

Father: “You mean I have to do my routine again?”

Son: *embarrassed* “No, dad!”

Father: “But I practiced it all the way down here!”

Son: *rolls eyes*

Never Coming Backflow To This Place

| Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

(I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

(The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

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