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    Category: Movies & TV

    Your Brain’s The Smaller One

    | Attleboro, MA, USA | Movies & TV

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium popcorn, please.”

    Me: “Did you want to make that medium popcorn a large for seventy five cents more?” *I hold up both the medium and large bags*

    Customer: “Which one is the large one?”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “Is it the smaller bag?”

    Thorry Potter & The Norsely Hallows

    | Charlottesville, VA, USA | Movies & TV

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie and I was wondering if you are playing it.”

    Me: “Sure! Whats the name of the movie you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s that one about Thor. I don’t remember what it’s called.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean Thor?”

    Customer: “No, I really don’t think that was it…”

    You’ll Wanna Sit Down For This One

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV

    (A guest hands me a ticket for a movie that doesn’t start for another hour.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not ready to let people in for this show yet.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “There are still people in the auditorium watching the last showing of this movie.”

    Customer: *stare* “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “We need to wait for the people to leave. Then, we will clean the theater, and then you can go in.”

    Customer: “You mean I’ll be sitting in a seat someone just sat in!?”

    Me: “Most likely, yes.”

    Customer: “That’s unsanitary!”

    Me: “That’s how movie theaters work, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, if my seat is warm, I want a refund!”

    I Sense Toil And Trouble

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Religion

    (A customer hands me a ticket to a movie that we are not ready to let people into yet.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The auditorium for [movie] is just being cleaned right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

    Another customer: *comes running up to me* “What did you say about [movie]? What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Nothing is wrong. We’re just cleaning the seats and aisles before we let people in.”

    Another customer: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said it was being ‘cleansed’. I don’t want a movie theater that believes in that new-age spiritual witchcraft stuff!”

    Me: “Oh. Nothing like that happens here.”

    Another customer: “Good!”

    (The movie she was waiting to see? ‘Season Of The Witch’.)

    A Tourist Traveling To Terror Incognita

    | Ashburn, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I’m working as the ticket tearer when two young kids come up and ask me a question.)

    Kid #1: “Our parents were in a different movie. They said they would be out first, but they aren’t here. It’s been a long time.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know what movie they saw?”

    Kid #2: “It was the terrorist, they went to see the terrorists!”

    Me: “Oh! The Tourist with Johnny Depp. That won’t get out for another 10 minutes.”

    Kid #1: “No it was the Terrorist! They said there was bombs and gangsters so we had to see Tangled instead.”

    Me: “Well we don’t have that movie, so I’m sure it was the Tourist.”

    (Kids walk away to wait. I overhear them.)

    Kid #2: “What’s a tourist?”

    Kid #1: “It must be the terrorists’ friends!”

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