Category: Movies & TV

The Man With The Dubbing Taboo

| Ireland | Language & Words, Movies & TV

(A customer comes up holding up a copy of the Swedish version of ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’.)

Customer: “Is this in Swedish?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, however it comes provided with English subtitles or with English dubbing. The DVD will give you the option before the movie starts.”

Customer: “Hmmm, shame… I don’t speak Swedish.”

Me: “Well, ‘dubbing’ means you can listen to it entirely in the English language. You just have to select the English dubbed option at the start of the movie and you won’t have to listen to it in Swedish at all!”

Customer: “But the main actors are Swedish, yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And the entire cast is Swedish, yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hmmm…” *appears to think about this for a minute* “No, I think I’ll leave it. I don’t speak any Swedish at all. Thanks for your help!”

He’ll Be Back In The Future

| Ireland | Movies & TV, Time

(A regular customer comes up to me. He’s notorious for being rude, ignoring what we say to him and just generally wasting our time.)

Regular: “Can you look up a music DVD for me?”

Me: “Sure, what are you looking for?”

Regular: I’m wondering if [band] released a DVD of their 45th anniversary concert. I saw it on TV a while back.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I can see here that they don’t have a 45th anniversary concert DVD, but they do have a 35th anniversary concert DVD. Is that the one you’re looking for perhaps?”

Regular: “Of course it’s not. Do I look like I’m stupid? I know what one I’m looking for and I’m looking for their 45th anniversary not the 35th anniversary!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s just that it says here that their 35th anniversary only happened 6 years ago. It would be impossible for them to have released a 45th anniversary DVD yet.”

Regular: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, there’s 10 years between a 35th anniversary and a 45th anniversary.”

Regular: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “So if their 35th anniversary happened in 2006 and there’s 10 years between 35 and 45…”

Regular: *stares blankly*

Me: “…their 45th anniversary won’t be out until 2016.”

Regular: “But I saw it on TV!”

Me: “Are you sure it wasn’t their 35th anniversary?”

Regular: “Of course I’m bloody well sure!”

Me: “Well then, I’m sorry sir the DVD you’re looking for is not available and won’t be for some time.”

Regular: “Fine. Will you just give me a ring when you can get it for me?”

Me: “Well, no, sir. The DVD doesn’t come out for another four years. I can’t even promise I’ll be here in four years when this DVD comes out.”

Regular: “You insolent little b****! I’ll be back in next month and you better be able to get it for me by then! You’re useless!” *leaves the store in a huff*

Hammer Hammer, On The Wall

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

(I am the next customer in line at the theater and overhear this exchange. Note that Chris Hemsworth starred in both ‘Thor’ and ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’. At this particular theater, the board only had room for ‘Snow White And Th’ for show-times.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like 2 tickets to Snow White and Thor, please!”

Uncovering The Root Of The Problem

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV

(A member calls the library regarding his account.)

Caller: “It shows I still have a DVD on my account, and I was just wondering what that was. I could have sworn I turned them all in.”

Me: “I see you have on your card Roots, disc #3.”

Caller: “Hmm, that can’t be right. We only checked out discs #1 and #2, because we knew we wouldn’t have time to watch them all. There must me a mistake. We do not have Roots, disc #3.”

Me: “Okay, let me go over to the shelf and see if it’s there…” *I check the shelf* “I have on my shelf discs #1, #2, and #4, but not #3. Are you certain you didn’t check it out, possibly at a different time?”

Caller: “No! We do not have it! I already told you we only checked out the first two! If that’s all I took with me, how and why would I have disc #3?”

Me: “I am not sure. Would you like me to transfer you to my supervisor. Maybe she can help you figure out the situation?”

Caller: “No! I want you to fix it, because I don’t have that one!”

Me: “Sir, unless the DVD is on the shelf, there is little that I can do other than give you more time to look for it, or transfer you to my supervisor so she can handle the matter for you.”

Caller: “Well, aren’t you useless?!”

Me: “Okay, just a moment.”

(I transfer the caller to my supervisor. However, twenty minutes later, a man walks in. It’s clear from what he’s carrying he’s the same caller.)

Man: *hands me ‘Roots’ disc #3 and walks away*

Riding In On Blazing Saddles

| Marlborough, MA, USA | Money, Movies & TV

(A man comes into my store looking a bit irate. He pulls out an unwrapped DVD case of Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part I.”)

Customer: “I’d like to return this and get my money back!”

Me: “Was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I opened it up and there was no disc inside!”

(I open the DVD case to indeed find no disc inside.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund your money. This is something you’d need to take up with the manufacturer. This does happen rarely, but I can help get the contact info for the manufacturer if you’d like.”

Customer: “What!? Are you serious!? I want to talk to a manager!”

(My manager comes over and explains the same thing to him, how it’s outside of our policy to refund an item if there is no item to refund. The customer finally accepts this, but is livid.)

Customer: “Fine! Well, do you have History of the World, Part II then?”

Me: “Um… sir, that movie doesn’t exist.”

Customer: “Yes it does! I saw it once!”

Manager: “No, sir. There is a fake trailer at the end of History of the World, Part I. The one with Hitler ice skating.”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! Where is it!?”

Manager: “Sir, like we already told you, it was fake. There is no History of the World, Part II.”

Customer: *storms out*

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