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    Category: Movies & TV

    H 2 Oh No You Didn’t

    | Arroyo Grande, CA, USA | Movies & TV

    (Two older customers walk up to the concession line and order popcorn.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get any drinks started for you today?”

    Customer: “A water please.”

    Me: “Would you like a complimentary cup or a bottle?”

    Customer: “Can you not f***ing listen? I want a water!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we have both a free cup of water and a water bottle for purchase. Which would you like?”

    Customer: “Of course I want a f***ing water bottle!”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like a large or small bottle?”

    (The customer looks to his friend like I’m an idiot and goes on about how I cannot listen.)

    Customer: “Can you not hear? I want a f***ing bottle, not a cup!”

    Me: “I understand this, sir, but we have both a large and a small water bottle. What size of water bottle would you like?”

    (The customer looks to his friend and throws up his hands. His friend explains to him that there are two sizes.)

    Customer: “Just get me the large!”

    (I hand him his large water.)

    Customer: “Oh, and one more thing…learn to listen!”

    Not Your Dad’s Cowboy Movie

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Movies & TV

    (I’m working in the box office and it’s the opening night of “Brokeback Mountain”. An elderly gentleman and his ten year old grandson walk up to my window.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get you?”

    Customer: “One child and one senior for Brokeback Mountain.”

    Me: “Sir, just so you know, there’s some scenes that may not be appropriate for children.”

    (He pauses and stares blankly.)

    Customer: “Oh, it’s nothing that he won’t see in real life!”

    (After he leaves, I inform the manager on duty of the situation. About 30 minutes into the movie, we watch as the grandfather and child literally run out of the theater and out of the building.)

    Your Brain’s The Smaller One

    | Attleboro, MA, USA | Movies & TV

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium popcorn, please.”

    Me: “Did you want to make that medium popcorn a large for seventy five cents more?” *I hold up both the medium and large bags*

    Customer: “Which one is the large one?”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “Is it the smaller bag?”

    Thorry Potter & The Norsely Hallows

    | Charlottesville, VA, USA | Movies & TV

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie and I was wondering if you are playing it.”

    Me: “Sure! Whats the name of the movie you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s that one about Thor. I don’t remember what it’s called.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean Thor?”

    Customer: “No, I really don’t think that was it…”

    You’ll Wanna Sit Down For This One

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV

    (A guest hands me a ticket for a movie that doesn’t start for another hour.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not ready to let people in for this show yet.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “There are still people in the auditorium watching the last showing of this movie.”

    Customer: *stare* “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “We need to wait for the people to leave. Then, we will clean the theater, and then you can go in.”

    Customer: “You mean I’ll be sitting in a seat someone just sat in!?”

    Me: “Most likely, yes.”

    Customer: “That’s unsanitary!”

    Me: “That’s how movie theaters work, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, if my seat is warm, I want a refund!”

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