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    Category: Movies & TV

    Gotta Catch All The Compliments

    | NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (A mother and her twelve-year-old son are preparing to leave. While she goes to hit the bathroom really quickly, her son is standing by the hostess stand and I notice his Pokémon hat. He starts walking towards the door.)

    Me: “Goodbye! Have a nice day!”

    Boy: “Thank you. You, too!”

    Me: “Oh, and by the way, nice Charizard hat!”

    (The boy stops in the doorway and slowly turns, staring at me incredulously.)

    Boy: “How did you know?!”

    (I lean over the stand, and stare at him will all the intensity I can muster.)

    Me: “Dude. I LOVE Pokémon. I’ve been playing it since I was in elementary school!”

    (The boy gets all giddy. At this point, the mother leaves the bathroom and the two head outside. But just before they get out of earshot, I hear the little guy say this:)

    Boy: “Mom, mom! She liked my hat! I told you I would find somebody!”

    Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

    | Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

    Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

    Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

    Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

    Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

    Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

    Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

    Causing Bay-hem

    | Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (Unfortunately, customers often receive gift cards from another popular chain of movie theaters as gifts, as they are sold in retail stores as preloaded gift cards. So we often get this sort of thing.)

    Customer: “Two for [Movie], please!”

    (The customer places a gift card for our competitor on the register.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are [Theater], not [Competitor], so I cannot accept this card.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? My grandma got this for me! It says right on it ‘cinemas.’ See?”

    (Shoves gift card in my face.)

    Customer: “CIN-E-MAAAAS. Right there. And it’s all going to the movie company anyway, so you should take it.”

    Me: “I can’t accept gift cards for another theater. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because your grandma paid money to our competitor for this gift card, and you’d be getting tickets from us for free.”

    Customer: “But the movie company will pay you back.”

    Me: “That’s not how this works, sir.”

    Customer: “Give me the number for the movie company.”

    Me: “I don’t have that, sir.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do! They pay you to work here. Give me the number of the movie company!”

    Me: “[Theater] pays me to work here. I can give you their corporate number if you wish.”

    Customer: “Yes! GOD!”

    (I give him the number to corporate and proceed to hear him yelling into the phone that he wanted to speak to ‘Steven Spielberg or Michael Bay or one of those guys.’ The worst part? Just to shut him up, they authorized a free replacement gift card for him, which I was forced to honor at that time, and the whole time the man was mumbling about how he was right and ‘at least the directors understood him.’)

    Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly

    | Tabernacle, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (The year is 1998. The South Park movie just came out and tons of kids attempting to sneak in to see it. I’m now seeing a mother and son.)

    Mother: “Hey, I’d like two tickets for South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut please.”

    (I look at the son, who appears to be no older than five years old.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am. I’d hate to inform you, but this movie is not suitable for your child as it’s rated-R.”

    Mother: “Why not?”

    Me: “First off, even though it’s a cartoon, it’s NOT made for kids as it’s filled with swearing, offensive humor, and general themes not appropriate for kids. Second, South Park is well known by many parents throughout the state for its controversy.”

    Mother: “I don’t care. It’s a cartoon, so it’s for kids.”

    Kid: “Yeah! Adults are too old for cartoons.”

    Me: *sigh* “Enjoy the show…”

    (20 minutes later, the parent shows up again with her kid, visibly angry.)

    Mother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS WASN’T A KIDS’ MOVIE?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you explicitly that this wasn’t for kids, but you ignored me as ‘cartoons are only for kids.’”

    Kid: “MOM! TAKE ME BACK TO THE F****** MOVIE, YOU UNCLE F********!”

    Mother: “You do not use that language with me, [Kid]! GET ME THE MANAGER NOW!”

    Me: “Okay!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem here, [My Name]?”

    Me: “This woman is rather mad here?”

    Manager: “Okay, what’s up?”

    Mother: “This movie was not suitable for my child!”

    Manager: “Which one?”

    Son: “TAKE ME BACK TO WATCH THE F****** SOUTH PARK F****** MOVIE, MOMMY!”

    Manager: “I think that answers my question. Ma’am, I believe [My Name] did tell you that this movie is not suitable for your child.”

    Mother: “It’s a d*** cartoon. It should be for kids only. That’s made to corrupt the youth!” *she then hits the manager with her purse*

    Manager: “Ma’am, please refrain from unruly behavior.”

    (She then punches me in the face, and starts to harass me verbally.)

    Manager: “I’ve had enough. GET OUT!”

    Mother: “Why the h*** should I?! Give me back my f****** money, b****!”

    Manager: “You’re harassing us and you’ve hurt my employee. Now get out or else I’ll call the police and you will be banned from the theater!”

    Mother: “I think you’re mistaken.”

    (She then attacked other customers. We called the police and she was arrested. She was sentenced to a month in jail.)

    Doesn’t Have The Magic Touch

    | LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Religion

    (My coworker and I are discussing Harry Potter: which book was our favorite, which movie, what we would have liked to have seen in the movies, etc. when a customer walks in.)

    Customer: *scowling at us* “You shouldn’t read those books. They teach the devil’s work!”

    (My coworker and I reply at the same time.)

    Coworker: “Not really.”

    Me: “Not in the slightest.”

    Customer: “YES, THEY ARE! They have magic in them so they teach the devil’s work!”

    Me: *smiling* “Humor me here, okay?”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Your little girl watches Disney, right? And she really loves the Disney Princesses, right?”

    Customer: *proudly* “Yes! She’s growing up on good, wholesome family movies like I did!”

    Me: “Okay, so she loves the Princess movies. Who is her favorite?”

    Customer: “Right now it’s Rapunzel.”

    Me: “You mean the Disney Princess who has magical hair because her mother ate a magical plant to save her when she was pregnant with Rapunzel? The same Rapunzel who was kidnapped by a witch and kept in a tower?”

    Customer: “Yes! The witch was evil! She wanted to use Rapunzel’s magical hair all for herself.”

    Me: “Right. Rapunzel’s magical hair that healed people when she sang.”

    Customer: *snottily* “What’s your point?”

    Me: “My point is that you let your child watch Disney movies that are full of talking animals, magical hair, enchanted furniture, etcetera, etcetera, but you don’t think my coworker and I should read Harry Potter because it has magic in it, making it the devil’s work.”

    Customer: “That’s right!”

    Me: “You see the flaw in your logic, right?”

    Customer: *loudly* “There is no flaw! Magic is evil and that’s that!”

    Me: *rubbing my temples* “Right. Did you actually need anything tonight?”

    Customer: “No! I think I’ll go to the dollar store down the street instead!”

    Me: “You do that, ma’am.”

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