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    Category: Movies & TV

    Putting You In The Hot Seat

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working selling tickets at a movie theater, when an older gentleman and his teenage granddaughter come in.)

    Customer: “I need two tickets for [Popular Movie].”

    Me: “Of course. If you could please select your seats on the screen below?”

    (I indicate the screen facing him showing the remaining seats for the movie. There are hardly any, because the movie is very popular.)

    Customer: “No, no, no. These are not good seats. Give us two tickets for the next showing.”

    Me: “Absolutely. We have the movie running in multiple theaters, because it is so popular, and the next showing is in a theater about half the size of the previous one, but lots of good seats still available.”

    Customer: “What? No. No, no, no. This is too small. How do you have a theater this small? No. I will not watch a movie on a screen that small. Seat me in the IMAX.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re not an IMAX theater.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How are you not IMAX?”

    Me: “I suppose we don’t have the room.”

    Customer: “What is your biggest theater?”

    Me: “Um, that’d be about 300 seats.”

    Customer: “That. Seat me in that.”

    Me: “That’s our next showing, the first one you tried to get. It’s almost sold out.”

    Customer: “No, no, no. That’s no good. There are no good seats there! What is your second biggest? Seat me there!”

    Me: *checking* “Our next biggest theater is currently showing [Children’s Movie].”

    Customer: “That’s not what I want to see! Why are you playing that in the big theater?”

    Me: “Many people want to see that movie; it’s been doing quite well.”

    Customer: “Ridiculous. What’s the next biggest? Seat me there!”

    Me: “That theater is showing [Horror Movie].”

    Customer: “Tch! No! I want to see [Popular Movie]! [Popular Movie]!”

    Me: “What if we got you tickets for the next showing of [Popular Movie] in our largest theater?”

    Customer: “Yes. Finally, some help! Do that!”

    Me: *pulling up the seating chart for that movie, which is still mostly empty at this point* “All right. This showing is three hours from now, though.”

    Customer: “What?! No! That’s too long to wait! This is ridiculous. Ridiculous! Give us two tickets to the next showing in the big theater!”

    Me: “All right, but, again, you did not seem to like the available seats for that show time.”

    Customer: “I don’t care; I won’t watch anything on a small screen!”

    (I pull up the original seat selection screen. While he has been arguing, a number of seats have sold, and now, there are only single seats available.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have single seats available.”

    Customer’s Granddaughter: *suddenly jumping in* “That’s fine! That’s fine. We don’t have to sit together. It’s fine!”

    Customer: *smug look, as if he’s won something* “Yes, we will take these seats. In the big theater.”

    (They ended up with two single seats near the very front of the theater. I don’t blame the granddaughter for not wanting to sit with him, though!)

    Parental-Misguidance-13

    | Barnstaple, England, UK | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Underaged

    (It is 1989, when Tim Burton’s first Batman movie hit the cinemas. The British Board of Film Classification (the UK version of the Motion Picture Association of America) has decided to create a new picture certificate, the 12-certificate, meaning only those over the age of 12 may be admitted. Batman is the very first movie in the UK to be given this certificate. The cinema where this occurs is a single screen, rural cinema that has only one film a week, showing once a day. Cinema-goers queue outside and must do so past two posters advertising that week’s presentation. Because of the newness of the 12-certificate the management have put bright yellow notices with the posters advising patrons of the film’s rating and what it means. Also at opening time cinema staff are policing the queue ensuring no one under 12 gains entry. Behind me are two grandparents and their eight year old grandchild. A cinema employee comes up to them.)

    Employee: “Excuse me, sir, madam, how old is the child?”

    Grandmother: “Eight.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, but this presentation has been rated ’12’ by the BBFC and as such, is unsuitable for the child.”

    Grandmother: “But it’s Batman!”

    Employee: “Yes, but the film has been rated certificate ’12’ due to its content.”

    Grandfather: “’12’ certificate?”

    Employee: “Yes, sir, it’s a new certificate, restricting the presentation to those to aged 12 or over. The newspaper did warn about this in our advert this week and there are signs outside the cinema saying the same thing.”

    Grandfather: “But it’s his birthday and we promised him we’d take him to see Batman.”

    Employee: “I understand but it is against the law for us to admit him.”

    Grandmother: “But it’s Batman!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, madam you’ll have to leave. There’s nothing we can do.”

    Grandmother: “But it’s Batman!”

    Employee:Batman it may be; suitable for an eight year old, no, it isn’t. Now please leave. You’re holding up the queue.”

    (The grandparents and grandchild leave the queue. Halfway up the street she turns and shouts to the queue.)

    Grandmother: “This is so unfair! It’s Batman; it should be for kids!”

    Martin Luther King Of Hollywood

    | New Zealand | History, Movies & TV

    (We have just begun screening before our movies the trailer to Selma, a movie based on the voting rights marches from Selma to Montgomery in 1965. Most people associate it as a Martin Luther King Junior movie. A young woman approaches me at the ticket counter inquiring about the movie.)

    Woman: “Excuse, but I just watched this trailer before on my movie… I wondered if you could tell me more about it? It looks interesting.”

    Me: “Sure! Which trailer was it?”

    Woman: “I think it was a woman’s name… There were a lot of black guys and they were marching with a king?”

    Me: “Oh… I think you must be talking about Selma. It’s based on the marches for voting rights back in the 60’s. One of the leading influences was Martin Luther King Jr.”

    Woman: “Martin Luther King? I’ve never heard of him… What else does he star in?”

    Me: “Um, he wasn’t an actor in the movie. He was involved in African-American rights movements before his assassination?”

    Woman: *looking blank*

    Me: “I have a dream?”

    Woman: “Oh! That guy!”

    Dora Hasn’t Explored That Yet

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (I’m bagging a customer’s purchases when a woman and a little girl in a Dora the Explorer shirt walk by.)

    Me: “Do you know how Dora the Explorer got her name?”

    Customer: *suddenly horrified* “Uh… no…”

    Me: “Because the Spanish word for ‘explorer’ is ‘exploradora.'”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to say she was named after a porn star or something.”

    Me: “…”

    Not Quite The Threat Of A Lifetime

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I’m a bouncer at a sports bar. Since we’re a franchise, we are only allowed to play certain channels on our TVs [mostly sports channels]. A woman calls me over to her table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but can you change the channel on this TV to Lifetime?”

    (The television she is referring to is one of the largest ones we own, and there is a college basketball game playing.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re only allowed to display certain channels, and Lifetime isn’t one of them.”

    Customer: “Why not? Other restaurants can play any channel they want to.”

    Me: “This is a sports bar; we only play sports channels specifically for that reason.”

    Customer: “So you CAN’T change the channel or you WON’T?”

    (I am silent, almost dumbfounded by her ignorance of the situation.)

    Customer: “Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m not speaking another word to you. Get me the manager.”

    (The manager comes over and offers her a compromise: he will move her to a different table near one of our smaller television sets, where he was willing to make an exception and play Lifetime just for her.)

    Customer: “No! I want to watch it on the big TV!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we simply can’t do that. This is a sports bar and we have other customers wanting to watch the game.”

    Customer: “Well, then make THEM watch it on the smaller screen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do for you. You can watch your program on the TV over there or not watch it at all.”

    (She rudely picks up her drink and storms over to the table near the smaller TV. After her program finishes she begins to leave (after leaving no tip) and makes a point to come up to me:)

    Customer: “Tell your manager that I will not be returning, and I will also be writing a horrible review on Yelp!”

    Me: “Oh, no! People will find out we don’t play Lifetime at a sports bar! We’re going to lose so much business…”

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