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    Category: Movies & TV

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    Related:
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

    Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

    Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

    Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

    (I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

    Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

    (She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

    Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

    Related:
    So Slow It Hertz

    Time And Relative Dimensions In Cyberspace

    | London, England, UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (Part of my job involves managing the helpdesk for an online research panel. Because the panel is made of just two daily surveys, panelists receive a survey reminder every morning. I take a call from a panelist.)

    Panelist: “You’re sending me too many emails! I’m getting two every morning!”

    Me: “Alright, it sounds like you may have registered with us twice. Could I take your email address?”

    (I look the panelist up by his email, and find that he has indeed registered again. This isn’t normally possible, because the system checks against name, email and address. I do notice one thing, though…)

    Me: “Alright, looking at our system, I can see two accounts to your name. The reason you were able to register again is because your address doesn’t quite match between both accounts.”

    Panelist: “Well how’s that possible? I haven’t moved anywhere!”

    Me: “Well, on one account you put your address down as THE TARDIS.”

    Look Into Your Heart You Know It To Be True

    | Lexington, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m checking out my items at the front of a store, when a couple bursts in. The girlfriend is clearly upset at her boyfriend.)

    Girlfriend: “You really expect me to be all right with you hanging out with your friends on our one-year anniversary?!”

    Boyfriend: “It’s been a tradition of my friends to do this for over six years! I can take you out any weekend, but [name of his friend] only gets his brother’s VHS copy of the original Star Wars movies once a year, and so we have a marathon! Come on! It has all the original scenes and characters before Lucas screwed it up!”

    Girlfriend: “You all are such nerds! Who cares about the changes! If anything, it made the movies better!”

    Boyfriend: “You haven’t even seen the movies!”

    Girlfriend: “No real girl has! I haven’t, and…” *points at me* “…she hasn’t! Fine! Go ahead with your stupid marathon! I don’t care anymore! Do whatever the h*** you want!”

    (The girlfriend storms down an aisle.)

    Me: *imitating Admiral Ackbar* “It’s a trap!” *imitating C-3PO* “Let the girlfriend win.”

    (Not only did the boyfriend crack up, but the check-out guy gave me his number!)

    Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

    Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

    My Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

    Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing, only pretend ones do.”

    My Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

    (At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

    Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

    My Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

    Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

    Employee: “Is that so?”

    (The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

    Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

    My Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

    (I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

    Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

    My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

    Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

    (The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

    Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

    Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

    (She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

    Me: “I think so, babygirl.”

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