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    Category: Movies & TV

    The Blue Sky Is Falling

    | West Weber, UT, USA | Movies & TV, Technology

    (‘Skyfall’ has just come out on DVD. A female customer in her 40s is looking through a shelf. She seems confused, so I go to help.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for Skyfall on Blu-Ray.”

    Me: “This way.”

    (I show her the Blu-Ray.)

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (I ring the customer up, and she stares at the DVD when I hand it to her.)

    Customer: “That’s not the right one.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s Blu-Ray.”

    (I check and it definitely is Blu-Ray.)

    Me: “It is Blu-Ray.”

    Customer: “It’s not blue!”

    Time For A Tea-V

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I am manning the phones late on a Saturday afternoon.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [TV service]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “The TV’s gone wrong. There will be somebody in at six to fix it. The football’s on tonight.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we cannot get anybody out until Monday.”

    Caller: “You have gotta be f****** joking. You advertise 24-hour service.”

    Me: “We have a 24-hour answering service to take the details. Repairs are carried out from 8 am until 6 pm, Monday through to Saturday.”

    Caller: “Look, c***! Get somebody round my house now, or I’ll come round there and smash your f****** face in!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t help.”

    Caller: “Okay ‘boy’, put me through to your boss. I want to talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey.”

    (The boss is in the office with me, and has heard my half of the conversation. My boss picks up the phone, and puts it in speaker mode.)

    Boss: “Good evening, sir. How can I be of assistance?”

    Caller: “Your f****** ‘TEA BOY’ has told me I can’t get my TV fixed today!”

    Boss: “The f****** tea boy is absolutely correct.”

    (My boss puts the phone down on the caller, cutting him off in mid-flow of swear words. He looks over and smiles.)

    Boss: “That’s the way to handle them. Now, how about a cup of tea now that you have been promoted?”

    Bambi: Unrated Version

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

    Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

    Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

    Girl: “Humper.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

    (I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

    Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

    Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

    (By this point, I am cracking up.)

    Girl: “What’s so funny?”

    Fight For Your Right

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

    Drunk: “I want a beer.”

    Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

    Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

    (The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

    Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

    Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

    My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

    Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

    My Friend: “Eat wood!”

    (My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

    Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

    Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

    What A Knut

    | Oxford, England, UK | Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m an IT tech, working on the computer in the tourist entrance to our college. As the college is rather old, and has featured in a certain series of wizard-based films, we have a lot of tour groups in the summer. I overhear this exchange between a tour guide and the tourist entrance manager.)

    Guide: “Hi, I have a group of eleven people who’d like to look around. Can you tell me where the [wizard-film] was shot?

    Manager: “Sure, it’s just around the corner, in the cloisters. Entry is £3 per person, unless they have university cards, or are seniors or students.”

    Guide: “WHAT?! SINCE WHEN DID YOU START CHARGING? WE ONLY WANT TO SEE THE FILM LOCATION! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE CHARGING NOW! YOU’RE JUST GOUGING TOURISTS NOW YOU’RE FAMOUS! YOU NEVER CHARGED ME LAST YEAR!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir; we have always made a charge for vis—”

    Guide: “THIS IS BULL-S***! I NEVER GOT CHARGED LAST YEAR! GET ME YOUR MANAGER, AND HE’LL TELL YOU THERE WAS NEVER A CHARGE!”

    Manager: “I am the manager, sir, and as far as I am aware, we have always made a charge. If you like, I can look up when that was introduced for you, and see what it was then.”

    Guide: “YOU DO THAT!”

    (The manager comes inside, and goes through a long list of old ledgers on a shelf behind me. He takes the last one out to the guide.)

    Manager: “Here we are sir. The earliest record of entry fees I have is for 1974. I can ring the archivist and see if she has any earlier records, if you wish.”

    Guide: “…that won’t be necessary. £3 per person was it?”

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