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    Category: Movies & TV

    Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

    Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

    My Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

    Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing, only pretend ones do.”

    My Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

    (At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

    Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

    My Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

    Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

    Employee: “Is that so?”

    (The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

    Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

    My Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

    (I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

    Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

    My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

    Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

    (The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

    Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

    Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

    (She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

    Me: “I think so, babygirl.”

    Worst Sequel Ever

    | Kitchener, ON, Canada | Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (A customer rushes in, looking flustered.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! I need that new movie!”

    Me: “Which movie is that?”

    Customer: “Fury Avengers!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry? What’s the name?”

    Customer: “Fury Avengers! Fury Avengers! It just came out!”

    Me: “Who’s in the movie? I don’t seem to have anything called ‘Fury Avengers’ in our system.”

    Customer: “I don’t know who’s in it! It’s called Fury Avengers! Brendan Fury Avengers!”

    Me: *light bulb* “OH! Do you mean Furry Vengeance, with Brendan Fraser?”

    Customer: “Yes! Whatever it’s called!”

    Me: *sigh* “Right this way, sir.”

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am at the ticket counter in the lobby, when a customer leaves her movie, and wanders outside to take a call. A few moments later she pokes her head back in to SHOUT at us.)

    Customer: “When is it over?”

    Coworker: “When is what over?”

    Customer: *disgusted sigh* “THE MOVIE!”

    (The theaters are not visible from the ticket counter.)

    Coworker: “Which movie?”

    Customer: “Ugh! THE ONE I CAME FROM!”

    Coworker: “Which was?”

    Customer: “Um… DiGiorno…”

    Me:Django Unchained?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (The customer gets her information, and goes back outside to take her phone calls again.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Because it’s not delivery, it’s Django?”

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

    Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

    Guest: “Put them on where?”

    Me: “…on your face.”

    Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

    Related:
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

    They Don’t Know Jack

    | London, England UK | Extra Stupid, History, Movies & TV

    (While working at an artefact exhibit for the RMS Titanic, I am standing by a list of all passengers and crew on board. The list is broken down by class and survived or lost. )

    Customer: “This list is wrong. I can’t seem to find Rose’s or Jack’s name.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Rose DeWitt-Bukater, and Jack Dawson. I looked everywhere in the list, and they’re not there.”

    Me: “No, they wouldn’t be.”

    Customer: “Well that’s stupid. Rose should be in the first class list, and Jack should be in the third class. This is wrong.”

    Me: “Because they’re not real.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure they were.”

    Me: “And I’m definitely sure they were not.”

    Customer: “Well in the movie—”

    Me: “In the MOVIE, Rose gives them a fake name and tells them she’s in third class. She would be listed as Rose Dawson if she existed. And Jack won his ticket in the first ten minutes of the movie, so his name would have not been on a record anywhere, which the movie pointed out in the first five minutes. And it’s a movie.”

    Customer: “Next you’re going to tell me the Heart Of The Ocean is fake too!”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: “Then what did I spend £20 on? What a waste of money!”


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