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    Category: Movies & TV

    Bambi: Unrated Version

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

    Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

    Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

    Girl: “Humper.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

    (I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

    Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

    Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

    (By this point, I am cracking up.)

    Girl: “What’s so funny?”

    Fight For Your Right

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

    Drunk: “I want a beer.”

    Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

    Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

    (The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

    Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

    Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

    My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

    Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

    My Friend: “Eat wood!”

    (My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

    Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

    Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

    What A Knut

    | Oxford, England, UK | Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m an IT tech, working on the computer in the tourist entrance to our college. As the college is rather old, and has featured in a certain series of wizard-based films, we have a lot of tour groups in the summer. I overhear this exchange between a tour guide and the tourist entrance manager.)

    Guide: “Hi, I have a group of eleven people who’d like to look around. Can you tell me where the [wizard-film] was shot?

    Manager: “Sure, it’s just around the corner, in the cloisters. Entry is £3 per person, unless they have university cards, or are seniors or students.”

    Guide: “WHAT?! SINCE WHEN DID YOU START CHARGING? WE ONLY WANT TO SEE THE FILM LOCATION! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE CHARGING NOW! YOU’RE JUST GOUGING TOURISTS NOW YOU’RE FAMOUS! YOU NEVER CHARGED ME LAST YEAR!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir; we have always made a charge for vis—”

    Guide: “THIS IS BULL-S***! I NEVER GOT CHARGED LAST YEAR! GET ME YOUR MANAGER, AND HE’LL TELL YOU THERE WAS NEVER A CHARGE!”

    Manager: “I am the manager, sir, and as far as I am aware, we have always made a charge. If you like, I can look up when that was introduced for you, and see what it was then.”

    Guide: “YOU DO THAT!”

    (The manager comes inside, and goes through a long list of old ledgers on a shelf behind me. He takes the last one out to the guide.)

    Manager: “Here we are sir. The earliest record of entry fees I have is for 1974. I can ring the archivist and see if she has any earlier records, if you wish.”

    Guide: “…that won’t be necessary. £3 per person was it?”

    Paying For Their Mistake

    | Albany, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (I work at a fairly well known 50s theme restaurant, where we offer a movie and a meal deal. If you buy an adult entree and drink, then you get a movie ticket for $8. A customer is ordering and asks about the offer.)

    Me: “Just so you know, you do have to order an adult entree for the offer to work.”

    Customer: “Jeez, I know. I want fries and a water, and two kids chocolate shakes, and chicken tenders for them.”

    (I place their order, and when it comes up, I bring it over. They eat it and seem very happy.)

    Customer: “Can I please get my check, and can you get me one of those movie tickets please?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but since you didn’t get an adult entree and drink, you can’t get a movie ticket for $8.”

    Customer: “I did get an adult drink, water. Kids don’t drink water, and french fries count as an entree in my case.”

    Me: “You have to buy a drink. Water is given out for free. And fries are not an entree. They are an appetizer or side.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager.”

    (The manager comes over. He has observed everything.)

    Customer: “Give me my d*** ticket. She’s stealing from me. She probably did charge me for my ticket, but is being a b**** and refusing to give it to me.”

    Manager: “I can assure you she has not charged you for the ticket because the cash register won’t even allow it to be added unless there is an adult entree and drink. Would you like to order food to go so you can get a ticket?”

    Customer: “What the f***! After such bad service, I am never coming here again!”

    (The customer grabs her two kids, and walks out without paying. A customer who has been watching from the counter area comes over.)

    Customer #2: “Here’s $30 to cover their bill so you don’t have to, and a tip because she didn’t. May I please have my check?”

    (Customer #2 leaves me a sizable tip, and even gives me a compliment. Thank you lady! That check would’ve had to come out my tips!)

    There Is A Meth To This Madness

    , | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in New Mexico, a state now made famous for ‘Breaking Bad.’ I receive a lot of calls from tourists wanting to see the places where ‘Breaking Bad’ was filmed.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business name]. My name is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Tourist: “Yes, I’d like to find out where Walter White lives.”

    Me: “Uh, who?”

    Tourist: “Gosh are all you people here stupid? Walter White, the guy who sells meth!”

    Me: “Oh, that Walter White. Well, sir, I don’t think you know this but, that’s actually just a TV show. He doesn’t live here.”

    Tourist: “NO, YOU’RE LYING! I HEARD FROM A FRIEND THAT IF I COULD MEET HIM, I COULD GET SOME GOOD METH!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, well I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Have a nice day.”

    (I hang up, but the tourist calls back within 10 seconds.)

    Tourist: “You can’t lie to me; I know you know where he lives! I know you want the good stuff all for yourself.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s a TV show; it’s not real. I’m sorry; I don’t know where you can find any drugs, but if you have a problem I can get you a phone number of a company that can help you out.”

    Tourist: “NO! I JUST WANT WALTER WHITE’S NUMBER OR ADDRESS! I WANT TO MEET AND TALK WITH HIM!”

    Me: “Sir, he’s not real!”

    Tourist: “WELL, WHERE DO YOU WORK?! BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT REAL, THEN YOU’RE NOT REAL! AND IF YOU’RE NOT REAL, THEN I GUESS NOTHING IS REAL IN THIS STATE!”

    (I go ahead and get my manager and ask him what I should do.)

    Tourist: “IS ANYBODY STILL THERE!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SERVICE HERE?!”

    Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; I can help you. Sir, you have proven to me that you deserve to come in contact with Mr. White. Here’s his phone number and address.”

    (My manager gives the tourist the police precinct phone number and address.)

    Manager: “Drive here, and wait outside before giving him a call. Make sure to give him a detailed description of what you want, and what you are driving and wearing.”


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