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    Category: Movies & TV

    A Theatrical Reaction

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am a greeter at the movie theater, so I rip the tickets. There are two of the same movies playing up the stairs. The movie that started is in theater four, and the movie that is about to start is in theater five. I greet a couple.)

    Me: “Are you here to see [movie title]? Previews should just be going on.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I heard that it is great.”

    Me: “Your movie will be in theater five up the stairs.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Note: theater five should now be in previews. Shortly after the couple leaves, I hear someone running down the stairs. It is the same customer from the couple as before.)

    Customer: “What is this bull-s***?! I want to see a manager NOW!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You told me [movie] was in previews! When I got into the theater, the previews didn’t even go on, and it went straight into the movie! This is an outrage!”

    Me: “How can that be? The movie should just be getting into previews!”

    Customer: “I want a f****** refund, and I want your manager now!”

    (Her husband jumps into the conversation.)

    Customer’s Husband: “This is an outrage! I can’t stand people who lie! I want a refund for this horrible service.”

    Me: “Well, what theater did you go into?”

    Customer’s Husband: “We went into theater four.”

    (I just look at them at this point. They went into the wrong theater.)

    Customer: “Yeah, someone told us when we got up to the second floor that the movie was in four!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no one up stairs that works for the theater. What your ticket stub says, is what your movie is in.”

    Customer: “Oh, I am so sorry honey! I thought that we were going to the right theater.”

    Me: “It is fine, ma’am. Previews should just be ending so I would hurry.”

    (They both go up the stairs. I look at my coworker.)

    Coworker: “I wanted to jump in, but I didn’t know how to.”

    Me: “It’s fine; I don’t really mind. I just let them yell at me and then use a calm voice to confuse them.”

    Coworker: “Note taken.”

    The Blue Sky Is Falling

    | West Weber, UT, USA | Movies & TV, Technology

    (‘Skyfall’ has just come out on DVD. A female customer in her 40s is looking through a shelf. She seems confused, so I go to help.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for Skyfall on Blu-Ray.”

    Me: “This way.”

    (I show her the Blu-Ray.)

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (I ring the customer up, and she stares at the DVD when I hand it to her.)

    Customer: “That’s not the right one.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s Blu-Ray.”

    (I check and it definitely is Blu-Ray.)

    Me: “It is Blu-Ray.”

    Customer: “It’s not blue!”

    Time For A Tea-V

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I am manning the phones late on a Saturday afternoon.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [TV service]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “The TV’s gone wrong. There will be somebody in at six to fix it. The football’s on tonight.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we cannot get anybody out until Monday.”

    Caller: “You have gotta be f****** joking. You advertise 24-hour service.”

    Me: “We have a 24-hour answering service to take the details. Repairs are carried out from 8 am until 6 pm, Monday through to Saturday.”

    Caller: “Look, c***! Get somebody round my house now, or I’ll come round there and smash your f****** face in!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t help.”

    Caller: “Okay ‘boy’, put me through to your boss. I want to talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey.”

    (The boss is in the office with me, and has heard my half of the conversation. My boss picks up the phone, and puts it in speaker mode.)

    Boss: “Good evening, sir. How can I be of assistance?”

    Caller: “Your f****** ‘TEA BOY’ has told me I can’t get my TV fixed today!”

    Boss: “The f****** tea boy is absolutely correct.”

    (My boss puts the phone down on the caller, cutting him off in mid-flow of swear words. He looks over and smiles.)

    Boss: “That’s the way to handle them. Now, how about a cup of tea now that you have been promoted?”

    Bambi: Unrated Version

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

    Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

    Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

    Girl: “Humper.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

    (I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

    Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

    Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

    (By this point, I am cracking up.)

    Girl: “What’s so funny?”

    Fight For Your Right

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

    Drunk: “I want a beer.”

    Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

    Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

    (The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

    Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

    Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

    My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

    Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

    My Friend: “Eat wood!”

    (My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

    Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

    Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

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