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    Category: Movies & TV

    Anatomy Of An Idiot

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

    (I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

    Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

    Me: “No idea, sir.”

    Hold The Garlic Bread

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top

    (I work the late shift at a pizza parlor, and am taking over delivery for a sick coworker instead of working the register as I usually do. I cycle up to the apartment that’s listed on the bill and knock on their door. The customer doesn’t answer so I knock harder.)

    Me: “Your pizza’s here!”

    (The door slowly creaks open. The lights are all off, almost like a horror movie, and I take a step back in surprise.)

    Me: “Uhm… hello?”

    (Unnerved, I turn to get the heck out of there, when I hear something moving. I look back in the house, and some guy is standing there, nearly invisible in the dark.)

    Me: “Oh, haha, I didn’t see you there. Here’s your pizza, sir. You ordered online, so you’re good to go!”

    Customer: “Who darez to tahlk to ze Count in zees mannehr?!”

    (I realize that he’s wearing a full Dracula costume, complete with bloody fangs and a cape. He’s staring at me with Bela Lugosi’s signature death glare.)

    Me: “Uh… Frank, the pizza delivery guy?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Dihd you breeng extra ov zee leetle sauce packeets for ze breedsteecks?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah, yeah, they should be in the box.”

    Customer: “Exceeleent! Have a vunderful night, my child!”

    (The customer slams the door closed.)

    Me: “What just happened?”

    The Song Broke Loose And Then Vamoose And Now You Know The Plot

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I am working in the largest gift shop in the theme park. I am walking around straightening and folding the when I hear a middle-aged guests whistling. After a few moments, I recognize it as the theme tune to ‘The Animaniacs’.)

    Me: *singing* “Pinky and the Brain, they want rule the universe…”

    Guest: “…Slappy slaps them with her purse…”

    Me: “…Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse!”

    Together: “Why write a script? We have no script! Why bother to rehearse? We are the Animaniacs! We have pay-for-play contracts! We are zany to the max, there’s baloney in our slacks! We’re Animany, totally insany—”

    Guest: *Wakko voice* “Where’s Lon Chaney?”

    Together: “Animaniacs! Those are the facts!”

    Guest: *high-fives me* “It was nice jammin’ with you, Dot.”

    (I beamed for the rest of the night.)

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    Related:
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

    Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

    Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

    Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

    (I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

    Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

    (She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

    Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

    Related:
    So Slow It Hertz


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