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    Category: Movies & TV

    Channeling Good Customer Service

    | MI, USA | Movies & TV

    (I’m the bad guy in this one. I enjoy messing with telemarketers and wasting their time. Most telemarketers aren’t allowed to hang up on you. They’re required to give the whole spiel, regardless of what you say or don’t say, and wait for an answer.)

    Caller: “Good afternoon, Mr. [My Name]. My name is [Name], and I’m calling from [Telephone Company]. How are you today?”

    Me: “Please hold.”

    (I place the handset down in front of the television, which is turned to a 24-hour news station, and I walk away. Ten minutes later, I come back to hang up the handset, and notice that the line is still live. I can hear the telemarketer on the other end talking to a coworker.)

    Caller: “…apparently we still have troops in Afghanistan. And Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Hang on. I hear breathing! Mr. [My Name], are you there?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but Mr. [My Name] isn’t available. Can I take a message?”

    Caller: “Sure. Tell him to set the TV to Comedy Central next time I call. You have a nice day.”

    The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

    Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

    (Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

    Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

    Me: “Wha?”

    Patron: “Like this one, here!”

    (He holds up an old VHS.)

    Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

    Me: “‘Pennies,'” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

    Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

    Life Is Stranger Than Movie Fiction

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cinema attendant at a movie theatre. I am working at one of the registers when a customer storms up to my till.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are you the manager?”

    Me: “No, but I would be happy to fetch them for you. What is the issue, just in case I can help you out?”

    Customer: “The movie I just watched was absolutely ridiculous, and I couldn’t stand it. I want my money back for it!”

    Me: “Oh, which movie was it?”

    (The customer states the name of a movie which had just finished screening, after she had sat through the entire movie.)

    Customer: “I also want my money back for my combo as well. The popcorn was just FAR too salty!”

    (The customer has about a quarter of a large box of popcorn left in her hand, after having eaten all the rest.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t actually refund tickets for movies that you watched all the way through. If you had come out after about 15 to 20 minutes, we could have, but not after you’ve seen the entire thing. We also can’t give refunds on food that has already been eaten.”

    Customer: “That is so stupid. What kind of customer service is this? I paid for this food and that movie, but I didn’t enjoy it. Surely you are meant to keep the customer happy?!”

    Raising Sheldon Cooper

    | GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am the manager. We have a sweet customer who comes in once a week with her adorable toddler. The little girl is always very happy and people often comment on her. On this day, the customer is looking at detergent on an aisle we’re restocking.)

    Coworker: “Your daughter is absolutely adorable.”

    Customer: “Thank you.” *to daughter* “That nice man complimented you. Can you say ‘thank you’?”

    Toddler: “BAZINGA!”

    (Everyone in the nearby vicinity including the woman starts laughing.)

    Customer: “She can’t say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ that’s intelligible to anyone but me or my husband yet, but, somehow, that came out clear as day.”

    Coworker: “Oh, my god. That was so funny. You just made my crappy day so much better!”

    Customer: “Oh, well, I’m glad we could help! Say ‘bye bye,’ sweetie.”

    Toddler: *blows a raspberry*

    Customer: “Sorry, I’ve been trying to teach her that’s not nice. Can you wave ‘bye bye’?”

    Toddler: “YAY!”

    Customer: “Close enough. I hope she didn’t disrupt your work, guys, and I’m glad your day is getting better!”

    (The customer grabs her detergent and they head off towards the deli.)

    Coworker: “We should give her a gift card. She’s always awesome every time she comes in here.”

    Me: “You’re right.”

    (When the customer checked out, we had a $25 gift card waiting for her with BAZINGA written across the back. We could hear her laughing all the way out of the store. We love it when she comes in.)

    Related:
    Greeting Sheldon Cooper

    The Nation’s Reading Is A Blockbuster Problem

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the register at our store and getting ready to ring up a customer’s rentals. When I pull up her account I notice she has some late fees from her previous rentals.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. It looks like you have a balance of $8.54 from your previous rentals that we need to take care of.”

    Customer: “That’s not possible. I brought ALL of my movies back on time!”

    Me: “All right. Give me a moment to look at you account history to see what happened.”

    (This takes just a couple of seconds, but the customer has already started to complain about me wasting her time.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ve found the problem. You checked out three movies that had a five-day term, and two new releases that were one-day rentals. You kept the one-day rentals out an extra day which is where the late fee came from.”

    Customer: “Well, somebody should have explained that to me when I rented them! How was I supposed to know they were one-day rentals?!”

    Me: “While I concede that it is possible that one our staff forgot to mention it to you, ma’am, the rental terms are clearly marked on the price sticker on the movie, on the receipt, and on signs everywhere throughout the store.”

    Customer: “You actually expect your customers to read!? No wonder you’ve had to close so many stores!”

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