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    Category: Movies & TV

    Meeting The Evil Stepmother

    | USA | Family & Kids, Holidays, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am visiting my grandparents for the holidays. It’s the day after Christmas. My family all go to the movies. Because I am the only kid, I go to go see Tangled. My parents and grandparents go to see an R-rated movie. Even though I am sixteen at the time, I love Disney. I am sitting in the middle row waiting for the movie to start, when an older customer and her grandchildren come in.)

    Customer: *snorts* “You should be ashamed of yourself! Someone your age seeing a Disney movie by yourself!”

    Me: “You are never too old to see a Disney movie. Besides, it’s not any of your business what I watch.”

    (The customer stomps off, taking her grandkids to the front row. I roll my eyes. Then another customer walks up to me.)

    Other Customer: “She was rude, huh? Just so you know, I am 38 years old and I love Disney. I came here by myself because my sons would not come with me. Do you mind if I sit by you?”

    Me: “Of course!”

    (The other customer and I talk about all our favorite Disney movies. We both very much enjoyed the movie, even if the grandmother was turning around to glare at us during the whole movie!)

    Got Her Cables Crossed

    , | New York, NY, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am an assistant manager in the box office of an exhibition space in Times Square. This exhibition space has many investors. One is a popular cable television network from which the space took its name. A relatively normal-looking customer approaches my window.)

    Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

    (The customer pauses, looking nervous.)

    Me: “Did you have any questions about the exhibit?”

    Customer: “Um, yes.”

    Me: “Okay… go ahead.”

    Customer: “YES! I was wondering why you took away my [aforementioned cable network] channel. I can’t understand why you would do that. My children and I really enjoyed learning about the things that we saw. It was good!”

    Me: “Ah, I see. Well, even though [cable network] is our namesake, we’re not at all affiliated with their programming. I’m sorry. I would recommend calling your cable provider to see if there were any changes in your service.”

    Customer: “No, but yes, but NO. I can’t understand why you would do this! Because you see it’s my CHILDREN. It was something that we enjoyed TOGETHER.”

    Me: “Yeah. I hear ya. Unfortunately, that’s not us. We’re a museum space.”

    Customer: “Is this because of Oprah?”

    Me: “So, I… what?”

    Customer: “OPRAH. I know she was changing some things around.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you took this away from my children just because Oprah told you to.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that we have nothing whatsoever to do with Oprah.”

    Customer: *turning to leave* “I just can’t believe Oprah would do this to her black brothers and sisters. They were LEARNING.”

    Me: “Um, right. You have a great night.”

    Customer: *turning and yelling from across the lobby* “So this wasn’t the place?”

    Me: “This was not the place.”

    Handled The Change Well

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a local theater in the box office. I pride myself on quick service and being polite. I see some guys watching the line and specifically picking me to get their tickets.)

    Customer #1: “Hi! Can I get two tickets to see [Movie] please?”

    Me: “Certainly!”

    (I ring in their movie choices and show their total, reading it off to them.)

    Customer #1: “Perfect! Here.”

    (Customer #1 then hands me a roll of electrical tape. I look at him and then unroll it and realize that he has taped exact change for two tickets in quarters, dimes, and nickels. Flabbergasted, I give him a look to see if he’s attempting to play me.)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but do you realize the amount of work this requires for me?”

    Customer #2: “But you have to accept it, right? Can’t you just count it out? I mean, it’s exactly how much our tickets are.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can count it up. But in order to process this order and put it in my till, I’ll need to take each coin off the strip of tape, count them, and then put them in the till.”

    Customer #1: “But… then we’ll be late for the movie!”

    (I’m still not convinced that they aren’t attempting to play me. I count out almost 20 dollars of exact change, putting it into stacks on the counter. Then I do a quick count to make sure I didn’t miss any coins.)

    Me: “Alright, sir. Everything seems to be in order. Here are your tickets.”

    Customer #2: “I’d like to file a complaint with your manager! That was one of the longest transactions I’ve ever experienced at this theater.”

    (A manager actually works the box at all times. My manager has seen my dilemma and had given me a sympathetic shrug as I counted, and apparently has heard the customer complain.)

    Manager: “I’d like you to have a look at this sign.”

    (My manager points to the sign behind the counter that informs customers of our right to refuse service.)

    Manager: “At any point [My Name] could’ve chosen not to admit you into this theater. I think that he didn’t makes up for the fact that you are going to miss the first few previews from your movie.”

    (Customer #2 glares at me. Suddenly, Customer #1, who has been silent since handing me his quarters, grabs his friend by the ear and drags him into the theater before Customer #2 can speak again.)

    This Movie Is The Bee’s Knees

    | IL, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (Our library has a new program where we showcase an artist’s work in our park next door. The first choice of art was a giant head made of discarded wood. After it was replaced, I have this conversation with a maintenance page.)

    Page: “I like the new sculpture much better. The giant head was a bit weird.”

    Me: “Yeah, it reminded me of The Wicker Man.”

    Page: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a horror movie. The newer one has Nicolas Cage—”

    (Suddenly, a library patron nearby begins shouting.)

    Patron: “Not the bees! NOT THE BEES!”

    Page: “I have got to see this movie.”

    To Term A Contradiction

    | Nashville, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    (My coworker and I are discussing our avid distaste for the ‘Twilight’ books.)

    Me: “I mean… even if you look past the story line, the syntax is poor, and the vocabulary redundant. I don’t understand how it even qualifies as literature.”

    Coworker: “I know. What’s to gain from even reading it?”

    (A customer approaches, and I take her order. As I’m loading a box of plain glazed donuts for her, I suddenly notice a teenage girl standing at the other end of the counter. She looks quite shy as she waits for assistance. She’s wearing a shirt that I can’t help but admire aloud.)

    Me: “‘…and then Buffy staked Edward. The end.’ I love your shirt!”

    Teenage Girl: *shyly* “…thank you!”

    Me: “My coworker and I were just making fun of that series… what a coincidence!”

    Teenage Girl: *nodding enthusiastically* “I know! I like, totally love Buffy! But I like, totally love Twilight, too!”

    (I feel my smile freeze in place, and politely refrain from commenting further. The girl continues to chatter on about the vastly different vampire series.)

    Teenage Girl: “And I like, totally have this Cullen jacket and some jewelry… and I wore them with this shirt last week and I was, like… all… opposite-y…”

    Me: *smile still frozen in place* “I see…”

    (I finish the other customer’s donut order and ring her up. The teenager doesn’t take the hint and continues to wax poetic about her conflicting interests, trying to hold my attention. My coworker, who has been present for the whole exchange, assists the teenage girl with her order for cookies. After both customers leave, I turn to my coworker.)

    Coworker: “‘Opposite-y?’”

    Me: “I think the word she was looking for was ‘contradiction.’”

    Coworker: “Let’s blame Meyers for that.”

    Me: “Case in point. Not much of a lexicon.”

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