Category: Movies & TV

Life Is Stupider Than Fiction

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(In my time working at a movie theater, I’ve recognized one major, recurring issue for customers: theater satisfaction surveys. They are explicit and clear that the customers are supposed to be rating ONLY their experience with our theater and staff, our cleanliness, how courteous we were, etc. The forms clearly state that they are NOT for rating the movies customers saw. Yet, many customers are oblivious, and will give our theater and staff low ratings because they saw a film they didn’t end up liking. It’s a serious issue, as corporate assumes the low scores are due to staff and theater issues, and they will often cause employees to be denied raises, etc. They can even cause employees to be fired. One day, a customer has just approached me.)

Me: “Hi! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Can I get a customer satisfaction survey to take?”

Me: “Sure thing! Was something wrong with the theater or our staff?”

Customer: “No. The theater was lovely and the staff is great.”

Me: “Fantastic. One second, and I’ll get you a survey!”

(I hand him a satisfaction survey and a pen, and am shocked to see he is rating our staff, theater, cleanliness, etc. ‘Highly Unsatisfactory’ – the lowest rating.)

Me: “Sir. Why are you giving us bad grades on the survey? You said everything was good.”

Customer: “Oh. Everything was good. I just didn’t like the movie. It was confusing.”

Me: “Sir, the surveys are not for the film itself. They’re for the theater and our staff.”

Customer: “Oh, but I want the studios to know I didn’t like the movie.”

Me: “That’s not how these surveys work. We don’t make the films; we just show them. The surveys are for customers to give feedback on how we performed. It’s a common mistake people make, but I’m going to strongly encourage you not to submit that survey.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because corporate will take one look at a survey like that, and assume it was something wrong we did.”

Customer: “But you guys were great.”

Me: “I understand. But the forms clearly state that they are only for the theater and staff, not the movie. So, by filling out and signing it, you’re essentially telling our corporate HQ that we did a poor job. Sending that in could get people fired.”

Customer: “…but how else can I let the studios know I didn’t like the film? I don’t want people to get fired, but I want the studio to know I didn’t like the movie.”

Me: “Those forms don’t go to the studios. They go to our theater’s corporate HQ. As I said, we don’t make the movies. I could recommend you go to a movie website and write a negative review, instead of giving us poor ratings.”

Customer: “I’ll just take my chances with this, thanks. I think the studios will get the idea.”

Me: “Those forms don’t go to the studios, but I can’t stop you. I will just strongly advise you not to send it in.”

(He did send it in. And people were ALMOST fired, as it wasn’t the first time someone was oblivious and sent in terrible grades for not liking the film. Corporate HAS to process the grades, whether or not you note that it was just the film you didn’t like. Thankfully, nobody lost their jobs, but it caused some issues with a few employees who were supposed to get raises in the near future. PLEASE READ THE FORMS, PEOPLE!)

Playing (Hunger) Games With Your Orders

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

(I work at a coffee shop on my university campus. This happens way more often than it should, especially if my friends drop by when I’m working:)

Me: “All right, one regular soy mocha latte. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: “Primrose Everdeen.”

(A few minutes later:)

Coworker: “Okay, regular soy mocha latte for…” *he reads the name on the cup* “…aww, Christ. Primrose Everdeen?

Customer’s Friend: *at the top of her lungs* “I VOLUNTEER!”

Coworker: “You guys realise that stopped being funny last year, right?”

A Colorful Outburst

| Newport, KY, USA | Bigotry, Movies & TV

(At the box office, cashiers are required to repeat the name of the movie to the customer. This policy is now defunct because of the following exchange:)

Customer: “I want two for For Colored Girls.”

Me: *ringing it in* “All right, that’s two for For Colored Girls.”

(The customer then exploded into a twenty-minute tirade about how I, a white man, used the word ‘colored’ in front of her.)

Rated ‘R You Serious?’

| Ashland, KY, USA | Movies & TV, Underaged

Customer: “I want two tickets to [Movie].”

Me: “The movie is rated R. May I ask how old you are?”

Customer: “17.”

Me: “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Sure!”

(I was happy to get someone not fighting me for once, but then…)

Me: “Umm… no offense but your ID says you’re 15.”

Customer: “Oh, they just printed it wrong.”

Me: “I am sorry but I have to go by the year on the ID and according to this you are 14.”

Customer: “Just sell me the ticket.”

Me: “I am sorry; I can’t. You can pick out another—”

(The customer huffs off. Five minutes later:)

Customer #2: “I need THREE tickets for [R-rated Movie].”

(The customer is slightly older but I see the first person over behind a pole and peeking around.)

Me: “The move is rated R. May I ask how old everyone is?”

Customer #2: “Well I am 19 and she is 18. And I am not sure how old the other person is.”

Me: “May see all the IDs, please?”

(The customer gives me both his and other girl’s ID and they are the right age.)

Me: “May I see the last ID?”

Customer #2: “He didn’t give it to me, but he is right behind that pole. Let me get him really quick.”

(Customer #2 then tries to go over to Customer #1, who promptly runs off.)

Customer #2: “Weird… He gave the money and everything.”

Customer Service To Swear By

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

(My husband and I work at the same small store. This day he is helping a woman and her five- or six-year-old son while I am wiping down a counter nearby.)

Son: “[Name] watches adult movies.”

Husband: “Oh?!”

Customer: *quickly* “He means his cousin watches movies rated PG-13 or R.”

Husband: *laughs*

Son: “They have bad words in them.”

Husband: “Yeah, I don’t like bad words. They hurt my head and my heart, and make angels cry!”

(I had to bite the inside of my lip, and had to avoid looking at my husband to keep from laughing. My husband is a former member of the Navy, and still swears like a sailor!)

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