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    Category: Movies & TV

    Customer Service To Swear By

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (My husband and I work at the same small store. This day he is helping a woman and her five- or six-year-old son while I am wiping down a counter nearby.)

    Son: “[Name] watches adult movies.”

    Husband: “Oh?!”

    Customer: *quickly* “He means his cousin watches movies rated PG-13 or R.”

    Husband: *laughs*

    Son: “They have bad words in them.”

    Husband: “Yeah, I don’t like bad words. They hurt my head and my heart, and make angels cry!”

    (I had to bite the inside of my lip, and had to avoid looking at my husband to keep from laughing. My husband is a former member of the Navy, and still swears like a sailor!)

    The Day Just Got A Whole Lot More Crappy

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (A very popular family film has just opened, and a lot of parents are bringing in young children and babies. It’s causing a lot of problems, as the parents and children are leaving enormous messes in the theaters, including popcorn all over the floors, spilled drinks everywhere and even dirty diapers on the seats, which means the entire surrounding area must be sanitized for health reasons. As a result, most theaters aren’t clean enough to let other customers in until less than five minutes before the next scheduled show time. I’m working as an usher, tearing tickets and letting people into the theaters. I’m still waiting on the theater showing the family film to be clean enough to let people in. A huge family with about six young children, including a baby, is among the group waiting to be let in. Finally, I’m given the go-ahead to let people in. The father of the family confronts me as I tear his ticket.)

    Father: “That took too long! I’m half-tempted to demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there have been a lot of young families leaving messes that need to be cleaned up. They just had to thoroughly sanitize half the theater, because several people left dirty diapers sitting on the seats.”

    Father: “Wait… so you’ll clean up if I leave my son’s diaper in the theater?”

    Me: *furious but trying to retain composure* “Please… don’t. I swear to god, don’t do it.”

    Acting Completely Out Of Line

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV

    (I am the cinema manager for a nonprofit theatre. We are tiny (less than 50 seats), and we usually allow guests to congregate in the lounge. However, we have just opened a controversial film that was pulled due to threats right before its release, so we are handling massive demand on the opening weekend. I’m working at the front desk when this happens, about 30 minutes before show-time, and about five to eight minutes before opening the theatre for seating. A customer comes to the desk.)

    Customer #1: “Can we go in now?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. The previous show is still running. We’ll open up the auditorium about 20 to 25 minutes before show-time. In the meantime, you can join the ticket holders line.”

    (I gesture outside; it’s winter in south California and a sunny 65 degrees.)

    Customer #1: *looking around* “Where is the line?”

    Me: “Right outside.”

    (I gesture again; our lobby windows are glass, and you can clearly see the line stretching along the sidewalk.)

    Customer #1: “It’s outside? I’m not going to wait outside.”

    Me: “Well, you are free to wait in the lounge, but we will be seating from the line. If you’d like to wait inside, you can join the end of the line as it goes in.”

    Customer #1: “So if I wait inside I’ll lose my place in line? That’s unacceptable. I’m waiting right here.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you are free to wait inside, but the line will seat first. We’ve had other guests waiting there for an hour or more.”

    (The customer’s husband walks up and offers to wait in the line for them, but she cuts him off.)

    Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! It’s the middle of winter! It’s too cold to wait outside!”

    Me: “I understand your frustration, and we would absolutely accommodate our patrons in case of severe weather. However, again, many guests have stood outside for a very long time, and it wouldn’t be fair to allow you to skip the line. It looks like we’ll be ready for seating in a few minutes. You won’t be outside long at all.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I’m going to wait right here, and I’m going in first.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but if you wait inside, you won’t be allowed into the theatre until we have let the guests in line enter. Again, it’s only a few minutes.”

    Customer #1: “You should move the line inside! You know what? I’m going to move the line inside.”

    (I watch, stunned, as she steps outside and makes an announcement. The line starts moving through the door. I jump up.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, everyone, but we aren’t quite ready to seat yet. It should be less than five minutes.”

    Customer #2: “But SHE told us to move inside!”

    Me: “I apologize, but she doesn’t work here. If you guys will be patient for a few more minutes, we are almost ready to seat. It should be less than five minutes. Thanks for your patience.”

    (I gave a brief summary to those patient guests waiting for an hour at the front of the line that had come in at her urging, and I guess that it spread, because there were quite a few guests offering sympathies from at least the first part of the queue.)

    The Paint Is In Aisle Five; Prepare To Die

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (My 20-year-old son goes to a craft store with me. He has long hair, pulled back in a ponytail, slightly ratty jeans, and an oversized t-shirt with a small name-tag which says ‘hello my name is Inigo Montoya.’)

    Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where are the buttons?”

    (My son turns at looks at me, with a ‘help me’ expression. I walk over.)

    Me: “The buttons are over that way.”

    (My son and I look at each other and laugh. We then go to a second craft store.)

    Other Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where is the paint?”

    (Again I was able to point the woman in the right direction. My son vowed never again to shop while wearing that shirt.)

    Rated Immature

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (The video store I work at has a ‘back room’ installed and most people call to double check that, yes, we do rent adult videos.)

    Caller: “Hey, I’ve got a list of titles and I wanted to know if you have them for rent.”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Caller: “All right. Deep Throat?” *background giggling*

    Me: *checks* “Nope, we don’t carry that one.”

    Caller: “Darn, my niece will be so disappointed.” *more giggling*

    (I’m not fazed by this stuff by this point, so I keep going since it isn’t busy.)

    Me: “Any others?”

    Caller: “Ha ha, yeah… Debbie Does Dallas?”

    Me: *checks* “Well the first one is rented out, but the second and fifth ones are in stock.”

    Caller: “Wait, really?”

    Me: *confused* “Yeah, really.”

    Caller: “You guys ACTUALLY rent porn?”

    Me: “Yeah… We have a whole section in the back of the store.”

    Caller: “Wow, REALLY? All right, I’ll be in later then. Wait, wait… Do you have newer stuff?”

    Me: “Yeah, the older titles are mostly just the really famous ones.”

    Caller: “Awesome. That call went a lot better than I thought it would.”

    (He turned out to be a repeat customer.)

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