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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Money

    Monsters Of The ID

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Underaged

    (A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

    Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    (I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

    Customer: “I know that’s there.”

    Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

    Caught Red Carded

    | New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in to get replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards the fee is waived.)

    Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

    Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

    Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

    (I explain about replacement card fee.)

    Customer: “Yeah, it think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

    Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash and gets a drivers license
    out.)

    Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

    Customer: “How come?”

    Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

    Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So I’m going to charge the Replacement Card Fee?”

    Me:“Yeah.”

    Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

    | Sicklerville, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

    Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

    Customer: “Sure do.”

    (He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

    Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

    Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

    Try Telling That To The Banks

    | Garland, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I am working the returns counter when a couple walks in with a set of weights.)

    Me: “How can we help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we need to return this. It’s the wrong color.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes. But we’re going to do an exchange for something cheaper. Is it alright if we get what’s left over on a gift card?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The couple go shopping and come back. We go through the transaction.)

    Me: “Alright, so $60.00 will be credited back. Do you have the credit card you used?”

    Customer: “But we wanted the extra on a gift card.”

    Me: “Yes, but since theft is a common problem, it’s store policy to check your ID first.  I just need to verify that you have the original card.”

    Customer: “But we want the extra on a gift card.  Do you understand? What’s left over, on a gift card!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand, but I need to see the original card first.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it. I don’t own that card!”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t do this transaction.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want what’s left over on a gift card, so that my wife can use it!”

    Me: “Yes, but sir, it’s illegal for us to take somebody else’s money without their permission.”

    Customer: “God D*****! Since when do you need permission to get somebody else’s money?”

    Turn The Tables

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (We have a coupon for a free entrée. A new waitress comes up and asks me a question.)

    Co-Worker: “How do I handle two coupons?”

    Me: “What?”

    Co-Worker: “My table of three by the window. They got the entrées and waters. They want to use two coupons.”

    Me: “They can’t use two coupons. It says ‘one per group’. Tell her to save it for next week.”

    Co-Worker: “She says they are two groups. So they want to use two coupons.”

    Me: “They can’t use two coupons because it’s only one check.”

    (She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)

    Co-Worker: “She says she wants separate checks.”

    Me: “Tell her she can’t have separate checks just because she wants to use two coupons.”

    (She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)

    Co-Worker: “They want to talk to a manager.”

    (A third co-worker and I argue over what to do, as the manager isn’t here tonight. Reluctantly, I go out to the table, posing as the manager. I tell them the same thing that the waitress told them.)

    Me: “Ma’am our policy is that coupons can only be used one per group. You are all obviously one group, as you are sitting at the same table.”

    (Irately, the woman grabs the table; which happens to be two separate tables placed together, and moves them about six inches apart.)

    Customer: “There. Now we are two separate tables.”

    Me: *trying to remain courteous* “I’ll see what I can do.”

    (I go back, separate the checks, apply the discounts, and take both checks to the table.)

    Me: “I can take that when you are ready.”

    (She fishes in her purse, and hands me her credit card.)

    Customer: “Use my card to pay for both!”


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