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    Category: Money

    America The Buttonful

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Money

    (I work for an insurance company that offers several different auto-pay options. Many people choose to use their routing and account numbers, which means a break on installment fees. We can stop or postpone extractions, but, we need three to five business days notice.)

    Customer: “Hi, my payment’s coming out tomorrow and the money’s not in the account. I need it to be postponed.”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but it looks like the debit tape has been sent to the bank. Once that happens, it’s an automated transaction that I cannot cancel or postpone.

    Customer: ”What do you mean, you can’t postpone it? This is America! You CAN and WILL postpone it!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’d recommend checking with your bank. They may be able to stop the transaction. A non-sufficient funds fee may be applied to your account on our end, though. Generally, we need three to five days notice to postpone these transactions.”

    Customer: “NO, THIS IS AMERICA! All you have to do is press a button or flip a switch or something!”

    Selective Comprehension

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work for a large, upscale retailer. One night, I’m assisting a lady with several items.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is [price].”

    Customer: “I believe those are all supposed to be 40% off.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, these are all regular price.”

    Customer: “No, I believe everything is 40% off.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, there may be a sale like that upstairs in the Ladies’ area, but we don’t have any discounts like that here in Men’s.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s a sign in your front windows that says everything’s 40% off!”

    Me: “Well, perhaps I’m mistaken. Would you mind showing me where you saw that?”

    (She leads me out the front door of our store and points to a large sign in the window.)

    Customer: “See? 40% off!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it says 40% off ‘Selected Items.’”

    Customer: “Right! And these are the items I’ve selected!”

    Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Money

    (I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

    Customer #1: “Oi!”

    (I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “These shoes are a size 8 and they’re marked as a size 10!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

    (The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

    Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

    (The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

    Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

    Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

    Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”

    Not Paying At-Ten-tion

    | Canberra, Australia | Money

    (I work in a bookshop and we are having a sale. Everything is $10, and there are signs and tags everywhere.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, how much is this?”

    Me: “Everything in store is $10.”

    Customer: “So, how much is this?”

    Me: “$10.”

    Customer: (picks up another book) “…and this?”

    Me: “$10.”

    Customer: “That can’t be right. It’s too cheap!”

    Me: “I assure you it is. We’re having a sale. Everything is $10.”

    Customer: “Oh, great!”

    (The customer picks up another book with a big $10 sticker on the front.)

    Customer: “So, how much is this one?”

    Non-Sufficient Dunce

    | Canada | Money

    (A customer calls in to find out why his loan has been returned “NSF”, which is short for “Non-Sufficient Funds.”)

    Me: “I see that the loan was returned on Monday as there was not enough money in the account.

    Customer: “Yeah, but it was supposed to be taken out of my account the previous Friday.”

    (I check, and he indeed did not have enough money to cover the loan on Friday.)

    Me: “That is the correct date, but it looks like the computer gave you a grace period. It gave you a few days to put the funds in the account before it tried to take it.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy! I agreed to have my payments taken every Friday. I want the loan to bounce on the Friday, not on the Monday, okay? Make my loan payment bounce on Fridays!”

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