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    Category: Money

    Selective Comprehension

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work for a large, upscale retailer. One night, I’m assisting a lady with several items.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is [price].”

    Customer: “I believe those are all supposed to be 40% off.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, these are all regular price.”

    Customer: “No, I believe everything is 40% off.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, there may be a sale like that upstairs in the Ladies’ area, but we don’t have any discounts like that here in Men’s.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s a sign in your front windows that says everything’s 40% off!”

    Me: “Well, perhaps I’m mistaken. Would you mind showing me where you saw that?”

    (She leads me out the front door of our store and points to a large sign in the window.)

    Customer: “See? 40% off!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it says 40% off ‘Selected Items.’”

    Customer: “Right! And these are the items I’ve selected!”

    Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Money

    (I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

    Customer #1: “Oi!”

    (I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “These shoes are a size 8 and they’re marked as a size 10!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

    (The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

    Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

    (The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

    Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

    Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

    Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”

    Not Paying At-Ten-tion

    | Canberra, Australia | Money

    (I work in a bookshop and we are having a sale. Everything is $10, and there are signs and tags everywhere.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, how much is this?”

    Me: “Everything in store is $10.”

    Customer: “So, how much is this?”

    Me: “$10.”

    Customer: (picks up another book) “…and this?”

    Me: “$10.”

    Customer: “That can’t be right. It’s too cheap!”

    Me: “I assure you it is. We’re having a sale. Everything is $10.”

    Customer: “Oh, great!”

    (The customer picks up another book with a big $10 sticker on the front.)

    Customer: “So, how much is this one?”

    Non-Sufficient Dunce

    | Canada | Money

    (A customer calls in to find out why his loan has been returned “NSF”, which is short for “Non-Sufficient Funds.”)

    Me: “I see that the loan was returned on Monday as there was not enough money in the account.

    Customer: “Yeah, but it was supposed to be taken out of my account the previous Friday.”

    (I check, and he indeed did not have enough money to cover the loan on Friday.)

    Me: “That is the correct date, but it looks like the computer gave you a grace period. It gave you a few days to put the funds in the account before it tried to take it.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy! I agreed to have my payments taken every Friday. I want the loan to bounce on the Friday, not on the Monday, okay? Make my loan payment bounce on Fridays!”

    Aisle Never Make Cents

    , | New Brunswick, Canada | Money

    (I am working the cash one busy day. A customer is disputing the price of some items.)

    Customer: “Well, the sign said these were 3 for $1. That’s why I was buying them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but these are $1.25 a piece…they always have been. Would you still like to purchase them?”

    Customer: “Well, the sign on the display has them at 3 for $1. I want them, but at that price.”

    Me: “Madam, I can see the display from here and I don’t see the sign you are referring to. In fact, I set up that display myself last night. I can assure you there are no such signs on the display. Would you still like to purchase the items?”

    Customer: “Look, it’s right there! Can you not see? It says everything on that shelf is 3 for $1!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still don’t see the sign to which you are referring madam.”

    Customer: “IT’S RIGHT THERE ON THE TOP! The green and yellow sign with number 3 on it!”

    Me: “You mean the sign that says aisle 3?”

    Customer: “Exactly! Now…oh…”

    (The customer turns beet red and remains silent for the rest of the transaction. When the next customer in line comes up, she speaks.)

    Next Customer: *joking* “If that’s what the signs on each aisle mean, I think I’ll do all my shopping in aisle 7!”

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