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    Category: Money

    The Oldest Chick In The Book

    | Deland, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Caller: “I don’t understand why I have a late fee on my account. I always pay on time.”

    Me: “Okay, I would be happy to look into that for you today. I see the late fee and I think I see the problem. However, I would like a brief minute to continue looking through your account to verify why you are receiving late fees. May I please place you on hold?”

    Caller: “Okay, then.”

    (I check her statements for the last 6 months and see that she missed two consecutive payments. She recently started paying only $5 a month.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I apologize for the wait. I think I see what happened. I see that we have been receiving your $5 payments by the due date. However, they do not cover your $127 minimum payment, so you are being charged late fees.”

    Caller: “But I’m making my payment on time.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, however the payment that we are receiving does not cover your minimum due.”

    Caller: “But you’re getting my payment before the due date.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but $5 does not cover your minimum due.”

    Caller: “Well, what is my minimum due?”

    Me: “Your minimum due on your last statement was $127.”

    Caller: “So that pays off my account. I’ll pay you $127 and you can’t charge me any more fees, right? That will pay off my account.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but $127 was the amount that you owed us for the month of January. You will still owe us another minimum payment by February 28th.”

    Caller: “Okay, so how many months do I have to pay to pay off my account?”

    Me: “Well, as stated on your last statement, you would have to pay the minimum due for 5 years on time each month to pay off your balance.”

    Caller: “Well, how much is that?”

    Me: “$6,200.”

    Caller: “So, how will it take me to pay off my balance if I pay $5 a month?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but since $5 does not cover your minimum payment and our late fees are $35, you would be unable to pay off your balance.”

    Caller: “Well, why would you do that? You just want everyone to give you $5 every month for the rest of their lives! Let me talk to your supervisor! You people can’t do that! It’s ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “Okay, may I please place you on a brief 1 to 2 minute hold while I get my supervisor on the line for you?”

    Caller: *whispering* “She’s getting a supervisor, but it’s going to take another 15 minutes.”

    Grumpy Old Man: *in the background* “I told you they wouldn’t fall for that you stupid woman. Just pay them their d*** money so we can order Chinese!”

    Caller: *click*

    Needlessly Needy

    | New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Money

    (I work for a private school which caters mostly to academically talented urban youth. Years ago, the school was not as diverse as the school is now; many of our students received substantial scholarships due to coming from low income households.)

    Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you today?”

    Parent: “I’m here to see the Director! You people have been overcharging me for years! *slams a thick folder on my desk* “These are all my statements and checks proving you’ve been cheating me!”

    Me: “Can you give me your name and the student’s name so I can look up your account, please?”

    (The parent gives me the information and I look up the account.)

    Me: “Ms. [parent's name], your son graduated in June 2002. That was almost 10 years ago.”

    Parent: “And? You took my money! I hear students are only charged $500 a year to go here, but I was charged thousands! THOUSANDS!”

    Me: “Please calm down. Let me explain: we have always given need-based scholarships to low income students, and—”

    Parent: “We are low income, but you charged me the full tuition anyway! I want my money back TODAY!”

    Me: “Ms. [parent's name], according to our notations your average total gross household income during your son’s tenure with us averaged around $170,000 a year.”

    Parent: “…AND?”

    Me: “Well, students who receive low tuitions through need-based and academic scholarships tend to come from extremely low income backgrounds. Off the top of my head, I believe some of the students who fall under need based-scholarships average gross household incomes of only $20,000 a year.”

    Parent: “You f***ing liar! Nobody makes so little money! I want to see the f***ing director, right f***ing now!”

    (She ended up seeing the director, who did not give her money back but offered her a lower tuition rate for when her youngest child is old enough to attend our school. When that day comes, I plan to work elsewhere.)

    Making A Difference

    | Ontario, Canada | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (We have a big display of used books just outside our doors that we sell to raise money for a local charity. Paperbacks are $1 and hardcovers are $3, but we sometimes let them give less money if the books aren’t in great condition. An older lady comes to the counter with a brand new-looking hardcover that I had originally thought she bought at the bookstore in the mall.)

    Me: “That’s just from [the used books outside the mall]?”

    Customer: “Ya.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3, please.”

    (The customer puts a single loonie on the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry. It’s $3.”

    Customer: “WHAT!? But I got some paperbacks the other day and they were only $1!”

    Me: “That’s because the paperbacks are $1, but the hardcovers are $3.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I don’t want it, then!”

    Me: “Well, I can take it for the $1 because it’s just a donation, but they’re supposed to the $3.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “The money for the books goes to a charity, so since it’s just a donation, I can give it to you for a dollar. But, just so you know, the hardcovers are $3.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! $3 for a book!” *leaves the loonie on the counter and takes her book*

    (About 20 minutes later, a teenage girl and her boyfriend come into the store with a hardcover book.)

    Me: “That’ll be $3, please.”

    (The teenage girl hands me a $5 bill. I open the donation jar to get her change.)

    Teenage Girl: “Oh, it’s a donation?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Teenage Girl: “Well, you can just take the whole $5, then.”

    Me: “Thank you very much!”

    Teenage Girl: “No problem!”

    (Funny, the differences between some people!)

    Sometimes, More Really Is More

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Money

    (A customer comes in asking for a quote.)

    Customer: “Hi, how much will it cost for 600 single-sided flyers?”

    Me: “That’d be [price].”

    Customer: “Okay, and how much for 600 single-sided flyers plus 100 double-sided ones?”

    Me: “That’d be [higher price].”

    Customer: “What?! How’d you come up with [higher price]?!”

    Me: “You have more copies than [lower price], so it costs more.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand! I want 600 of these AND 100 of these!”

    Me: “It’s still [higher price]. You’re adding more printing to your order. That’s going to make the price higher.”

    Customer: “No! Never mind. I’ll come back later and ask someone else!”

    Only If It Grows On Trees

    | Nottingham, UK | Money

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to the loans department. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to check how much I could get on a loan, please.”

    (I get the persons details and check the account.)

    Me: “Thank you, Mrs. [caller]. You can have a loan of up to £900.”

    Caller: “Do I have to pay that back?”

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