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    Category: Money

    Financially Bankrupt, Circumstantially Bereft, And Substantially Boneheaded

    | South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, School

    (I work for the financial aid department at a local tech school. A student comes in and asks about his student loans.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check my student loans request.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”

    Student: “I ain’t got one.”

    Me: “Can I have your last and first name?”

    Student: “Yeah.”

    (There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)

    Me: “Sir, may I get your last and first name?”

    Student: *gives name*

    (I search for the student, but can’t find him.)

    Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”

    Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”

    Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”

    Student: *shocked* “Oh, s***, really?”

    Be Thankful You Have A Job At All

    | USA | Money

    (I work for a utilities company in collections, meaning I get people who are being shut off, or have been shut off. Our policy is to send several notices, and then shut off an account if no satisfactory arrangements are made. Where we give them a date, we can shut off the account with no one there, provided the meter is outside.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [utility company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m holding a shut off notice here dated for November 10th. When will my services be shut off for non-payment?”

    Me: “As of November 10th, it is subject to termination.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do I have to be there? I’m going on vacation.”

    Me: “No, you don’t need to be there.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I get a hold on the account? I don’t have any money.”

    Me: “Well, is there a medical condition pertaining to the services?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “How about an infant or an elderly person?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, how about a financial hardship?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, are you unemployed, or was there a loss of income?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, nothing like that! I spent all my money on my vacation!”

    The Bank Appreciates Your Donation, Part 2

    | Shoreview, MN, USA | Money

    (I work in the personnel assistance phone queue. Basically, it means I take escalated calls from angry customers.)

    Customer: “My deposit is missing.”

    Me: “Okay, was it a branch deposit or an ATM deposit?”

    Customer: “I went through the drive-through at your bank branch and made my deposit. It’s not in my flipping account yet and I need it now!”

    Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to take a look at it. What’s your account number?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t have an account with your bank…”

    Related:
    The Bank Appreciates Your Donation

    All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

    | United Kingdom | Money

    (I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

    Customer: “How much it this?”

    Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

    Customer: “How much is this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

    Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

    Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

    Customer: “What about this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

    2 Good 2 Be True, Part 2

    | Florida, USA | Money

    (I work at a check cashing store and one of our biggest products is money orders. We advertise on TV and in huge signs all over the store that we sell free money orders. An old lady comes up to the counter one day and reads off a list of eleven money orders for various amounts totaling almost $2,500. After reading back and confirming, I go to get payment from her.)

    Me: “All right, your total comes to $2,498.”

    Customer: “Right.”

    (She doesn’t do anything.)

    Me: “Ma’am? It’s going to be $2,498 for those money orders.”

    Customer: “Right.”

    (She just stares at me.)

    Me: “Okay, I need $2,498 from you.”

    Customer: “But your sign says free money orders!”

    Me: “Well, yes, we don’t charge for them, but–”

    Customer: “They are supposed to be free!”

    (I haven’t been at this job very long, so my manager hears the customer yelling and comes to see what’s going on.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “He wants me to pay for my money orders!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, money orders are always free, but–”

    Customer: “Exactly! So, I want my money orders!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you still have to pay for them. We’re not just going to give you over two thousand dollars worth of money orders for free.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t see why they advertise free money orders if they’re not free.”

    Related:
    2 Good 2 Be True


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