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    Category: Money

    She Didn’t Marry Him For His Sense

    | London, UK | Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a law firm as an office manager and administrator. Our firm only deals with criminal law, personal injury and immigration. A scruffy-looking guy comes in one day.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me. My wife is going to divorce me and I want custody of my kids.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t deal with family law here. Only criminal, personal injury, and immigration.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?! My kids need to be with me; their mum is crazy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not deal with family law here. I would be happy to refer you to another firm that can help you.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Oh, you are just discriminating against me! Get your manager for me right now!”

    Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi there. I wondered if you could help me. My wife wants to divorce me.”

    Me: “I’ve already told you we can’t help you here.”

    Customer: “But look, I’ve got lots of money. I can pay you if that’s the problem!”

    (The man then picks up a bag he has, turns it upside down, and empties the whole bag full of pennies onto my desk.)

    Customer: “See, money. Now, help me.”

    Me: “Listen, you need to leave right now. Take your pennies and leave the building, or I’m going to call security.”

    Customer: “Aah!” *picks up a penny, throws it at me, and runs out, leaving all his pennies*

    Less Is More, More Or Less

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Top

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

    Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

    At Lease Be Courteous

    | USA | Money

    (I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

    Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

    Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

    Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

    Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

    Transactions For Dummies

    | Florida, USA | Money

    (I am working the register at a well-known video game store, when a customer approaches with a stack of games and his son.)

    Me: “That will be $87.96.”

    Customer: “Here.” *gives me a gift card worth $25*

    Me: *processes gift card* “Your balance is $62.96.”

    Customer: “What do you I do now?”

    Me: “You give me more money.”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry. I have never been here before…”

    Gift Cards, Derp, Derpa, Gift Cards

    | Medford, OR, USA | Money

    (The phone rings and it is a customer wanting to know about gift cards. We are running a promotion where if you buy $100, you get a $25 bonus card.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Are you doing something with gift cards?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (I explain the promotion.)

    Caller: “How much is a good amount for two people to eat?”

    Me: “A $50 gift card would probably cover two people.”

    Caller: “Well, I need to buy them for two separate couples, so I will need $400 in gift cards. What do I get?”

    Me: *ignoring the incorrect math* “You would get four $25 bonus cards.”

    Caller: “What?”

    Me: “For every $100 you spend, you get an extra $25 dollar gift card.”

    Caller: “For what? What do I do?”

    Me: “What is your question exactly?”

    Caller: “I don’t know! You’re the one who said something about gift cards!”


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