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    Category: Money

    Wasn’t Banking On Banking

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

    (Our credit service involves payment through a bank rather than to ourselves. Being a business, we put this on our website and on the front and back of customer’s monthly statements.)

    Customer: “I need to make a payment.”

    Me: “Okay, well, we can’t take it over the phone; it has to done through a bank.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “That’s what it says on the statement you have there.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe it in this day and age!”

    Me: “It’s because our accounts are based overseas, so the banks handle the currency difference.”

    Customer: “How do I do that then? I don’t understand!”

    Me: “The full instructions are on your statement. It’s just like paying us but paying your bank instead.”

    Customer: “So what do I do?”

    Me: “Just phone your bank.”

    Customer: “It’s so inconvenient!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not. It’s the same as what you were about to try with me, but with your bank instead.”

    Customer: “Well, they don’t operate 24 hours a day.”

    Me: “And neither do we.”

    Customer: *click*

    His Logic Doesn’t Check Out

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

    (I am working at the registers along with a head cashier shortly before closing. One of our regulars, a very old man, shuffles up to my register. I’m a little surprised, as he usually only talks to Manager, sometimes waiting for hours until Manager starts his shift.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to buy this book.”

    Me: “Certainly! That will be [total].”

    (Customer pulls out a very old leather case with about 100 sheets of perforated checks. He slowly flips to the correct page, slowly starts to fill out a check, and then drops the whole case on the floor, scattering pages everywhere. I help him pick up.)

    Customer: “Oh, no, these need to be in order! Help me put them in order!”

    Me: “Sir, perhaps we should finish the transaction. Then you can put these back in order later.”

    Customer: *getting angry* “That is RIDICULOUS! How am I supposed to know which check to fill out?!”

    Me: “It’s the one you’ve already started filling out?”

    Customer: *muttering* “This is ridiculous. You people are SO unhelpful. I don’t even know why I shop here!”

    Head Cashier: *whispers to me* “Just do it, or we’ll never get out of here.”

    Me: “All right, sir, let’s get these back in order.”

    (Customer insists he put them back in order, very very slowly, while I hold the case. Nothing else will do. 20 minutes later, the check is finally filled out and we can continue with the transaction.)

    Me: “And can I see your driver’s license?”

    Customer: “My WHAT?!”

    Me: “Driver’s license, passport, or other state ID?”

    Customer: *getting hysterical* “What?! WHY?!”

    Head Cashier: *jumping in* “Sir, you’ve shopped here for years. You always pay by check. You KNOW you have to show us your license.”

    Customer: “THAT’S IT! I’m getting the manager!”

    (The customer storms off, and comes back with the manager.)

    Manager: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

    Me: “He’s paying by check.”

    Manager: “Okay, can I see your license, sir?”

    Customer: “Sure, here you go!”

    (Customer handed over his license, the manager finished the transaction in about 30 seconds, and we ushered the man out and closed the store.)

    Dressing Up The Situation More Than Required

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

    (I work in a small corner shop. It’s around two pm and the store is pretty dead. A lady walks in and purchases a large quantity of alcohol, paying in cash. She spots the engagement ring on my finger as I hand her the change.)

    Customer: “Aww, are you getting married?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’ve been engaged for almost two months now.”

    Customer: “That’s nice. I’ve been married for just under thirty years now.”

    (She reaches back into her purse and pulls out a twenty pound note.)

    Customer: “You seem like such a sweet girl. Here, take this. Put it towards your husband’s suit or something.”

    (I don’t like taking other people’s money, especially from strangers, so she puts it on the counter.)

    Me: “Well, um, actually my, uh, girlfriend and I are both gonna be wearing dresses but thanks.”

    (I don’t tend to discuss my personal life with customers much, and this one showed me why. Nodding for the briefest of moments before she realised what I’d said, her eyes widened in shock and she turned around and sprinted out of the store faster than I would have believed for someone of her age, leaving behind the £20 as well as all her purchases. We kept them behind the counter for a week before my boss decided to donate them to me and my now wife for our wedding. It’s been a month now since the wedding, but no-one since has asked about it.)

    Damaging Your Chances

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (A husband and wife are browsing the store, with the wife wanting to buy things and the husband saying everything is too expensive. Finally she selects a figurine from our clearance rack.)

    Husband: “Wait, this is only [price]? The one over there was [bigger price]. What’s the difference?”

    Me: “This one is damaged, sir. It fell on the floor and the head broke off – you can see where I’ve glued it back on. It’s a clean break, but we can’t in good conscience sell it at the full price.”

    Husband: “So if I get the other one and break it, you’ll sell it to me for the cheaper price?”

    Me: “No, sir. I will call security because you’re intentionally damaging our merchandise.”

    (They did buy the clearance figure, but hurried out without their receipt. To my knowledge, they’ve never come back.)

    Reached The Tipping Point

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Money

    (We are catering a Christmas party for a client and his seventy employees. The party includes an open bar and dinner. There are four servers, and two bartenders. I am a bartender. After five hours of making non-stop bar drinks, and receiving non-stop compliments on our drinks, last call arrives, and this conversation happens.)

    Client: “I need to go ahead and sign the check. Can you print me one ticket for everything?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Here you are.” *hands over one complete invoice*

    Client: “I needed this separate.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, sir. I’m sorry. Here.” *separates food and drink tickets and hands them over*

    Client: “No, this isn’t right. I need a complete ticket.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. You want the tickets together?”

    Client: “No! Where the h*** is [Server not working that night]? She knows how I want things done! I REQUESTED HER AND SHE ISN’T HERE TONIGHT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know why she’s not working. Now, about the ticket…”

    Client: “NO! I REQUESTED HER. She’s my friend; she knows how I want things done on the invoice. I won’t come back next year for my Christmas party if you won’t do what I want.”

    Me: “If you could explain to me, I can help you.”

    Client: “Never mind, I’ll just sign this ticket. Did you autograt this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, 15%.”

    Client: “And you’re sharing that with everyone working tonight?                  ”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Between six people.”

    Client: “Well, then, that’s more than enough for you.” *signs, leaves no extra tip, and stomps out*

    (He baffled the entire crew, since he spent five hours giving us nothing but compliments on our service, and never once mentioned the other server’s absence. I can only guess that when he saw the large bill, he made up a reason to be angry so he wouldn’t have to tip any extra for the incredible service we provided. Splitting the 15% between the servers, we barely made minimum wage.)

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