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    Category: Money

    In Need Of A Four-Letter Word

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Money

    Customer: “I forgot my account number; can you look it up?”

    Me: “Sure. Just tell me how to spell your last name.”

    Customer: *gives me a five-letter name*

    Me: “I’m sorry; it’s not working. Are you sure it’s spelled [spells out loud]?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; still nothing’s coming up. Are you certain you have an account here?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just made a deposit yesterday!”

    Me: “I’m sure it’s just something simple; perhaps I’ve spelled your name wrong. Can I see your ID?”

    (The customer hands me their ID, at which point I see that the last name is nine letters long.)

    Me: “You’ve only been giving me the first five letters of your last name.”

    Customer: “What, you need my whole name?”

    Slanged Up Gets You Banged Up

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

    (I work in a second-hand store. We are similar to a pawn store, but we don’t offer loans. It’s been a really hectic day, and my patience is starting to wear a little thin. A wannabe ‘thug-gangsta’ comes in, and throws a few PS3 games at me.)

    Thug: “I wanna pawn deez.”

    Me: “Sorry man, we don’t pawn. If you’d like to sell them, I’ll take a look for you.”

    (The thug nods, and I check the games for condition, and then look up the games for their value.)

    Me: “Alright man, given how these games have been marked down, you’re looking at about $27.”

    Thug: “H*** no! You know how much I paid for dem?!”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m a gamer. I understand what price the games were, but given how old these games are, they’re not worth as much now.”

    Thug: “F*** you! They ain’ worf nothin’!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to keep the language down, or take your things and leave.”

    Thug: “Who the f*** is you?! You can’t tell me what to do; matter of fact I got the ratchet in the car!”

    (Ratchet is slang for a gun. I decide to act stupid.)

    Me: “A Ratchet? What kind is it? Snap-On, Mac-Tools? What? Bring it in I’ll see if I can’t get you anything for it.”

    (The thug starts to get louder. A regular of mine walks in. He’s a cop, and off duty. He’s watching the thug with an arched eyebrow.)

    Thug: “No you fat mother-f*****. I got a gun in the car, and I will shoot you!”

    Me: “Sir, do you realize you’re threatening me in front of an off-duty police officer?”

    Thug: “Ain’t no mother-f****** police in here!”

    (I see the cop behind him pull out his wallet to show his badge, and I just smirk.)

    Me: “Turn around.”

    (The thug turns around, and sees the badge. He snatches his games off the table, and runs out of the door. The police officer gives me his cell phone number, telling me to call him if that thug comes back.)

    Blood Money

    | NY, USA | Health & Body, Money

    (A customer walks up to my teller window, and throws two rolls of pennies down. They are covered in wet blood. I try not to look disgusted.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry; I can’t accept that.”

    Customer: “Why not? It’s good American money.”

    Me: “I’m sure it is, but it’s covered in blood; I’m not going to touch that.”

    Customer: “It’s fine; it’s just my blood.”

    Me: “Excuse me while I get my manager.”

    (I happily escape to the back to try to settle my stomach while the manager talks to the man.)

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t accept these pennies like this.”

    Customer: “It’s perfectly good American money!”

    Manager: “Yes, but we can’t take it like this. If you like, I can give you new wrappers. You can re-roll the pennies, and then we can deposit them for you.”

    Customer: “F*** this country! My money isn’t good in a bank; it isn’t good anywhere!” *storms out*

    They Paid The Price

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Money

    (I work in the print and copy area of my store. A customer is giving my new coworker a hard time about the cost of copying. I walk over.)

    Customer: “Your prices are OUTRAGEOUS; I refuse to pay that much! You’re an idiot! You’re all idiots! You should be doing this for free for me, because of how dumb you all are!”

    Me: “What my coworker has explained to you is correct. We price match all of our competitors, and I can guarantee you that we have the cheapest price.”

    Customer: “I will NEVER use your services. You are thieves who are trying to rip-off an old woman! I will take my business elsewhere!”

    (The customer storms out.)

    Coworker: “I bet she’ll be back.”

    (A few hours later, the customer returns.)

    Customer: *meekly and very politely* “I’d like this done, please.”

    Please Pay To Make Them Stop

    | ON, Canada | Money, Technology

    Customer: “I’m done doing my copies over there.”

    Me: “Oh, great. Did they turn out okay?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Good.”

    Customer: “Where do I pay?”

    Me: “You paid already.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t; the machine told me to take my card out.”

    Me: “Yes, the new machine doesn’t require your card to stay in the whole time. The good thing about that is people won’t forget their cards anymore!”

    Customer: “Okay, but I still haven’t paid.”

    Me: “Yes, you have.”

    Customer: “No! I put my card in and then it told me to take it out!”

    Me: “Yes, because it remembers your card. You hit “end session” on the screen when you were finished, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Did it ask you if you wanted a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s right here. But I want you to print me a new one so you can prove that I’ve paid.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I have a receipt here, but I don’t think it’s true because I didn’t leave my card in.”

    Me: “You don’t have to leave your card in. That receipt will be correct. And the next person’s job will not be charged to your card, because you hit “end session”.”

    Customer: “Okay, but how do I know that this receipt isn’t lying?”

    Me: “Why would it be lying?”

    Customer: “Because my card wasn’t in the machine while I did my copies!”

    Me: “But it’s not supposed to be. That’s how the new machine works. I can print you another receipt over here if you want.”

    (The customer gives me her card, and I print her receipt, which is identical to the one that came out of the copier.)

    Me: “See? It’s the same.”

    Customer: “But how does it know?”

    Me: “I don’t know; it’s just smart I guess!”

    Customer: “No! HOW does it know!? HOW does it work!?”

    Me: “You mean how does the technology work?”

    Customer: “Yes! It’s blowing my mind!”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know how it works; I’m sorry. It will just have to continue to blow your mind.”

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