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    Category: Money

    Freedom From Idiots Isn’t Free

    | Washington, DC, USA | Money

    (I work customer service for a website that has no fee to use it. It’s completely free.)

    Me: “This is [company name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I signed up for your site, but I don’t want to pay for it!”

    Me: “Well, sir, our site is completely free to use, so you don’t have to pay for it.”

    Customer: “You say that, and then you’ll charge my credit card! The free is just a free trial, right? Then I have to pay! I don’t want you charging my card!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s no place to enter your credit card number on our website.”

    Customer: “I know! I’m not stupid!”

    Me: “Then how would we charge your card if we don’t have the information?”

    Customer: “You’ll just do it! I know how things work!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I promise we won’t charge your credit card, which we don’t have, for anything.”

    Customer: “Was that so hard? Jesus!” *hangs up*

    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 3

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Money

    (I receive a phone call while working the customer service desk.)

    Me: “Hello, [store name], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, dear. I’ve got a $50 food voucher and I was just wondering if I could get a phone card for it.”

    (Food vouchers are basically welfare cheques that can only be used towards food purchases.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it cannot.”

    Customer: “I don’t need $50 of food! What if I just bought $10 of food, and use the change I get back on a phone card?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we cannot give you change back. If you spend less than the amount on the voucher, no change is given. If you go over the $50, you have to pay the difference yourself.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I bought $50 of food, returned it, got the money back and then bought the phone card?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we also do not give you a receipt. This is so people don’t return food to get non-food items in return. If you return items without a receipt, all we can do is exchange it for a similar item.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with a $50 food voucher?”

    Me: “Buy food.”

    Customer: “But I need a phone card! This is ridiculous!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

    Sign Up For A Rewards Karma

    | Concord, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (The store is having a big sale on all dog costumes because it’s 10 days away from Halloween. You must have our rewards card, which is free, to get the sale price.)

    Me: “Alright, do you have a rewards card? The costume is on sale today.”

    Customer: “No, thank you.”

    Me: “Are you sure? You could save a bit of money. It’s completely free to sign up.”

    Customer: “I said no! God! You people!”

    Me: *taken aback* “Alright. Your total is $16.99.”

    Customer: *mumbles* “Stupid cards.”

    (She takes her receipt and starts gathering her things as I ring up the next customer, who is also buying a costume.)

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $4.49.”

    Customer: “Hey! Why is hers so cheap?!”

    Next Customer: “Because I used the free card you rudely refused, after she tried to save you money.”

    (I try not to laugh as the rude customer storms out of the store, leaving her pet’s costume at my register. My thanks to the next customer who said what I couldn’t!)

    Some People Just Don’t Like Change

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Math & Science, Money

    (The customer’s total is $12.84. She hands me a $20 bill. While I’m counting out her change of $7.16, she hands me a quarter.)

    Me: *confused* “Uh, thanks. But that’s not really necessary.”

    (I set the quarter on the counter so she can take it back while I finish gathering her change.)

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. It makes it easier.”

    Me: “Oh, well, I appreciate the intention, ma’am, but it was 84 cents due, so a quarter doesn’t really make a difference. I’d just be handing your quarter right back to you.”

    Customer: *condescending* “Well, I was just trying to make it easier, but if you want to complicate it, that’s up to you.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see how I’m complicating things. I owe you 16 cents. If I take your quarter, I’ll owe you 41 cents, which is just a quarter plus sixteen cents.”

    Customer: “Just give me my change! I was just trying to help you out! You obviously need to go back to school!” *storms out, leaving her quarter on the counter*

    Paying It Cool

    | Reno, NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (It’s very rainy day on the weekend. The restaurant is very busy, but I am the only person working due to payroll issues. I have twice slipped in a puddle of water customers have dragged in, and I have hurt myself a bit. Customer #1 is a rude new customer, and Customer #2 is an elderly woman, also new. Both taking advantage of a half-off promotion. I’m running the bar making a margarita and taking a to-go order, but I am still a little shaken up from my fall. I drop the top to a mixer and it clatters on the floor.)

    Customer #1: *mocking voice* “Oh no, don’t fall.”

    (Her whole table laughs. I blush and ignore the rude customer and continue doing my job. I start the rounds to see if anyone else needs a refill when I reach Customer #2.)

    Customer #2: “I have to say, you handled that situation very coolly.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay. It was just a little fall.”

    Customer #2: “No, the other situation.” *turns to look at Customer #1, who looks away*

    Me: “Oh no, it’s okay. That my job; I’m here to serve!”

    Customer #2: “Regardless, you were so level-headed even though that looked like it hurt pretty bad. You’re just so cool, handling it like you are!”

    (Customer #1 has stopped eating and is just blushing and staring at her food.)

    Me: “It really is okay. I’m just doing my job.”

    Customer #2: “And you’re doing a great job! You’re just so much cooler than some other people. You’re a great waiter!”

    (By now, I’m blushing.)

    Me: “Thank you, can I get you anything else?”

    (Hearing this, Customer #1 slaps some cash on the table and leaves just barely enough to cover her meal. When Customer #2 leaves after her, she leaves $11 dollars extra and gives me a Peace sign. Thank you, ma’am, that made me so happy! I used the extra money to buy snacks for the kitchen staff!)

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