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  • Category: Money

    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Money

    (A customer calls in, noticing that she hasn’t had any money taken from her account for her water heater rental for the last couple months.)

    Me: “Okay, so let me look into your file. Hmm, seems you’ve not been set up on our new billing system. That’s probably the problem. Let me just grab your info from the old system to fix it. Wait, you’re not in there either.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “I don’t think you’ve been billed for this in a while. Yeah, here’s a note from 2007 saying you hadn’t been billed since September ’06. It seems as though they just closed it without actually fixing it. You haven’t been charged for seven years.”

    Customer: “Wow.”

    Me: “Now, unfortunately, we’re going to have to back-bill you for this—”

    Customer: “Oh, God!”

    Me: “…but luckily for you, we cap back-bills at one year. So, it won’t be a couple grand: it’ll just be about $300.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow, that’s so much better. Thank you!”

    Me: “Wait, did you just thank me for billing you $300?”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s like one time when I was 14, and I’d just gotten my first piercing. I told my parents that I was pregnant, and by the time they figured out that I wasn’t, they were okay with any other news I could possibly have given them.”

    Putting The Security Into Social Security

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Top

    (I work as a collections agent for a major bank in the USA.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [major bank]; my name is Kevin. What can I—”

    Customer: “English, ass-h***! Speak English!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m speaking English.”

    Customer: “I just want to pay my [other bank's] credit card. My SSN is [number].”

    Me: “Ma’am you are calli—”

    Customer: “How you dare to interrupt me! My check account is [number] and my name is [name].”

    Me: “Miss, you are calling [major bank], not [other bank].”

    Customer: “What?! Who are you? Why are you calling me? I’m going to the police! I want your f****** name, and I want to speak with your supervisor before I go there and shoot someone!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I mute the headset.)

    Customer: “What are you waiting for?!”

    Me: “I’m waiting for you to tell me why you need to speak to my supervisor. If it was because you called a wrong number and said all you personal info, or maybe because you cursed at me several times, or that you, in a recorded, federal monitored line, threatened to shoot me.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I didn’t say that!”

    (I check on the database for her full name with her SSN.)

    Me: “Okay, let me put you on hold so I can speak with my supervisor and call the police. Your full name is [full name], right? Your address is [address], and your phone is [phone number].”

    (The customer hangs up. I end up having a verbal warning from my boss, along with a free meal from him for “the funniest following-guidelines-call I have ever heard”.)

    Hard Cash That Isn’t Cold

    | Namibia | Money

    (I have just finished withdrawing some money at the ATM. A clearly poor man approaches me from behind. Usually, I would expect someone to come up to me to beg for money.)

    Man: “I do not know how to use the machine. Can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (The man hands me his card, and I insert it into the machine.)

    Man: “Can you check how much I have on my account?”

    Me: “Okay. It is asking for your pin.”

    Man: *without even thinking about it* “It is 1234.”

    Me: “It says you have 20 Namibian Dollars.”

    (Note: A loaf of bread cost N$ 5.)

    Man: “I’d like all of it.”

    (I withdraw the money, and give him back his card and the money. He immediately hands me back N$ 10.)

    Man: “This is for you, because you helped me.”

    (I hand it back to him.)

    Me: “Please, keep it!”

    (It is one of the most touching things to ever happen to me.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18

    | PA, USA | Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]! This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

    (I hear an elderly customer, sounding very annoyed.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I want to know the balance in my account.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. If I can just get your social—”

    Customer:“I don’t give my social to anyone!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll need to get your account number, then.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (He states a number that’s far different from the norm.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I don’t see that account. Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I just gave it to you! It’s [number]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t see anything in our system.”

    Customer: “What? You had better see something in your system!”

    Me: “There’s nothing here. I could try your social, and see if it will come up then.”

    (He gives me his social.)

    Me: “Hmm. I still don’t see anything here.”

    Customer: “What? How does that happen? Do you have any idea how much money I have there?”

    Me: “I have no idea, sir. Nothing is coming up that’s connected to your account number or social.”

    Customer: “Is this [Competitor's Bank]?”

    Me: “No, sir, it’s [Company Bank].”

    Customer: *click*

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Short-Change Con Falls Short Of Change

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I’m working the register. A customer comes to the register with three ice creams.)

    Me: “So, is this it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “Alright your total is $12.75.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill. I hand him his change.)

    Customer: “Where’s the rest of my change?”

    Me: “I gave you your change already, sir.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I gave you a $100 bill. You’re shorting me $80!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that you paid with a $20 bill.”

    Customer: “No you can’t, because I paid with a $100 bill! How can they let an incompetent dip-s*** like you handle money? This is a disgrace.”

    Me: “Sir, the only disgrace here is you. For starters, company policy states that we can not accept bills larger than $50. If you did give me a $100 bill, I would refuse it and ask for a smaller bill. On top of all that, the $20 you gave me is still on the counter right next to the register.”

    (The customer goes silent, and quietly exits the store. He has not been seen at our store since.)

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