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    Category: Money

    An Interest In Corruption

    , | USA | Money, School

    (I work in the fines office of a university library. A professor has come in, outraged that he has been blocked from checking items out. Upon pulling up his account, I see that he has a staggering 700 books checked out and $4,500 in fines.)

    Professor: “I need to check out books for a presentation tomorrow! This system is corrupt!”

    Me: “If there are more than $80 in fines, patrons cannot check out. But as long as you bring these overdue books in before [date] all the fines will be removed.”

    Professor: “I can’t do that!” *pulls out checkbook* “Here’s what I’m going to do. I will write you a check for $4,500 so I can check out more books. Then, when I bring the overdue books in, you will pay me the $4,500 back with interest. Got it?!”

    He Got Served While Getting Served

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (A customer is debating the price of items with me. I have told him several times they are not on sale. This has taken almost ten minutes, and the people behind him are starting to look very annoyed.)

    Me: “Sir, I assure you those items are not on sale.”

    Customer #1: “You b****! They are too! You’re just trying to rob me! Where the h*** is your manager?”

    Me: “I am the manager on duty. ”

    Customer #1: *grabs my shirt collar* “That’s bulls***! Women can’t run stores. You’re too dumb! Especially your age!”

    (At that moment, another customer, Customer #2, intervenes. Note that Customer #2 is a petite lady in her late twenties, about as old as me. She stands on her toes, grabs Customer #1′s shoulder, and yanks him around. Then, she slaps him across the face.)

    Customer #1: *stunned* “Wh-wha? Who the h*** do you think you are?”

    Customer #2: “You work at [very successful local legal firm], right?”

    Customer #1: *nods*

    Customer #2: “Well, I own [very successful local legal firm], and you don’t work there anymore.”

    (Customer #1 finally recognizes Customer #2 and gets a horrified look of realization on his face. He sprints out of the store, leaving his groceries on the counter.)

    Oblivious To The Obvious

    | UT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money

    Me: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”

    Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”

    Me: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”

    Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”

    Me: “Pay your bill on time?”

    Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”

    Me: “Um… stop breaking the law?”

    A Pricing One-Eighty On His 360

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am ringing up a customer purchasing a mildly anticipated videogame.)

    Me: “Before I start ringing these up, would you happen to have your [store name] rewards card with you?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t even have one! Those are just a way for you to get more money out of me!”

    Me: “Actually, we offer the basic version for free. If you would like to sign up now all you have to do is—”

    Customer: “I said no, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. No problem. I’ll just ring these up then.”

    (The customer is buying a used Xbox 360, and five or so games. It takes me a few minutes to grab the Xbox and games from the back, as the ones on display are empty to prevent theft.)

    Me: “Okay, would you like to put $10 down on a pre-order for any games?”

    Customer: “No! Just hurry it up!”

    Me: “Alright your total is $210.67.”

    Customer: “I told you earlier I only wanted to spend $200 on this.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You will have to put one of these games back or trade one for a cheaper one. The used versions are always cheaper and work just as well as the new ones.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I want to spend $200 on this stuff.”

    (This goes on for a few minute, until he finally decides to exchange one of the games for a cheaper one.)

    Me: “Alright your total is $183.43.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid?! I only want to spend $200!”

    Me: *gives up* “Okay, your total is now $200 dollars.”

    Customer: “Finally!”

    (He hands me the money, grabs his items, and leaves without his receipt. I felt it would be wrong to keep the money, so I gave about half off the price for the next nice customer.)

    Riding In On Blazing Saddles

    | Marlborough, MA, USA | Money, Movies & TV

    (A man comes into my store looking a bit irate. He pulls out an unwrapped DVD case of Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part I.”)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this and get my money back!”

    Me: “Was there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I opened it up and there was no disc inside!”

    (I open the DVD case to indeed find no disc inside.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund your money. This is something you’d need to take up with the manufacturer. This does happen rarely, but I can help get the contact info for the manufacturer if you’d like.”

    Customer: “What!? Are you serious!? I want to talk to a manager!”

    (My manager comes over and explains the same thing to him, how it’s outside of our policy to refund an item if there is no item to refund. The customer finally accepts this, but is livid.)

    Customer: “Fine! Well, do you have History of the World, Part II then?”

    Me: “Um… sir, that movie doesn’t exist.”

    Customer: “Yes it does! I saw it once!”

    Manager: “No, sir. There is a fake trailer at the end of History of the World, Part I. The one with Hitler ice skating.”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! Where is it!?”

    Manager: “Sir, like we already told you, it was fake. There is no History of the World, Part II.”

    Customer: *storms out*


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