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    Category: Money

    A Taxing Customer

    | UK | Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I work as a tax collector for the UK tax office. I phone guy who owes tax.)

    Me: “Hello, is that Mr [Debtor]?”

    Debtor: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m [My Name] from HM Revenue and Customs. I’m phoning about your outstanding tax.”

    Debtor: “No, you’re not.”

    Me: *pause* “Um, yes, I am.”

    Debtor: “No, you’re not.” *click*

    (I pause. Maybe I gabbled the first bit. I say the same thing so many times a day it becomes routine. I phone back.)

    Me: “Mr. [Debtor]. I’m sorry; I seem to have got off on the wrong foot.”

    Debtor: “Whatever.”

    (I can hear what sounds like a pub in the background; maybe he’s putting on an act for his mates.)

    Me: “I need to talk to you about your debt. If you don’t pay we will enforce the debt, either by distraint, which is removal of goods for sale at public auction, or by placing you in county court and asking for judgement against you.”

    Debtor: “Do what you got to do mate. Now f*** off!”

    (A few weeks later, I get a phone call transferred to me.)

    Debtor: “You’ve put me in court.”

    Me: “You told me to, sir.”

    Turning Into A Boating Disaster

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at a Japanese restaurant, and we do take-outs.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order some takeout, please.”

    Me: “Sure! Please take a seat and fill out our takeout menu form, sir.”

    (A couple minutes later, the customer approaches me.)

    Me: “Hi, ready to order?”

    Customer: “Actually, no. It says here on the menu that you guys sell sushi boats for takeout?”

    Me: “Yes, we certainly do.”

    Customer: “Does it come with the wooden boat?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, since this is a takeout order, the love boat order will be packed in a large plastic tray.”

    Customer: “Oh, d***. The only reason I would ever order that is if it came with the boat!”

    (The customer places his order, and says he’ll be back in 20 minutes to pick it up. He comes back 10 minutes later.)

    Customer: “Is my order ready yet?”

    Me: “It should be about 10 more minutes. Sorry about that. Would you like a water or hot tea to drink while you wait?”

    Customer: “No! Actually, do you know where I can buy alcohol at this time?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I am not of legal drinking age yet so I wouldn’t know.”

    Customer: “Does that mean I get a discount on my food?”

    Gun Control Out Of Control

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (Today is the day before Thanksgiving. I went to a grocery store to grab a couple of last minute supplies and the card reader won’t scan my really old debit card. I reach into my wallet and go to hand the cashier cash when she flinches and ducks behind the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, you okay down there?”

    Cashier: “Oh, sorry, I thought you were pointing a gun at me.”

    Me: “Why on earth would I do that?”

    Cashier: “Because your card was declined.”

    Me: “…”

    Cashier: “Open carry.”

    Me: “People really pull guns on you over ten bucks worth of groceries?”

    Cashier: “Yeah, they want to make sure our freedom to be an a**-hole is protected, I guess.”

    (I paid for my groceries and spoke to her manager about getting her a gift card. Grocery stores shouldn’t be war zones. Leave your guns at home!)

    700 Reasons To Get Grounded

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

    (I’m a manager at a fairly large automotive repair. I am in my office the day after Christmas, and I hear an angry customer yelling at one of my workers. I came out and take over.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I just had my car here to get a brake job done at this shop. When I got my car back nothing had been done.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, let me pull up your information so I can see what all was done. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, and I’ll do my best to solve this for you.”

    Customer: “She already tried to pull up my information. She said I’m not in the system, but I know I’m in there.”

    (I get him to give me his information, have him look at the screen to make sure it was all correct. Sure enough he isn’t in the system.)

    Customer: “No! I know my car is in your system. My son brought it in to get worked on.”

    (I get the information for his son, and still no car in the system.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we have no record of any work being done on your vehicle.”

    Customer: “That’s BS! My son brought in my car just yesterday to get the work done. It cost me $700!”

    Me: “Sir, we were closed yesterday for Christmas. No one was here. There is no way we could have done the work on your car.”

    Customer: “Then why did I have to give my son $700 for the wor…”

    (All I could do was shrug as I watched him piece things together and realize that his son had probably spent $700 on something else.)

    If You Put Your Mind To It

    | Switzerland | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work part time in a store that sells sweets and little toys. A man in his mid-twenties walks in.)

    Customer: “I’d like to buy this. How much would that be?” *points at an item*

    Me: “That would be [Price].”

    Customer: “So. I’m thinking about [Price] right now. I take it out of my mental savings account and mentally transfer it to you. How about that?”

    Me: *puzzled* “Uhm…”

    Customer: “Did you get it?”

    Me: “Uhm… No, I didn’t get it. I work with real money here.”

    Customer: “But I want to buy it with my mental money! Can’t I buy it like this? I’m imagining it really, really hard right now! I WANT THIS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t help you with that.”

    Customer: “Well, at least I tried.”

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