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    Category: Money

    No Returns On The Returns

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Money

    (It is tax season and our office is extremely busy. My boss meets with a very talkative client, his wife and their bored toddler late on the weekend in our office. It takes several hours to complete their tax return forms, but the family finally leaves with smiles. They seem very pleased with our work. The next morning we get an irate phone call.)

    Client: “I am unhappy with the return you have provided me, and I want a refund!”

    Boss: “Sir, I’m sorry to hear you aren’t satisfied; what is the problem?”

    Client: “It cost too much!”

    Boss: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. When you were here, I went over all the fees with you. You agreed to us doing more work, and filing additional forms. You received $3,800 more in tax refunds, correct?”

    Client: “Yes, that is correct.”

    Boss: “And you only paid $300 extra to get that additional $3,800 refund. You are coming out ahead $3,500, correct?”

    Client: “Yes, that is correct.”

    Boss: “Then I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Client: “The problem is, I went home and did my return online. It cost a great deal less. I do not need your return anymore, and I am wanting a refund!”

    Boss: “Excuse me?”

    Client: “Yes, it was very easy to do.”

    (My boss is livid, but is trying to stay calm and professional.)

    Boss: “It was easy because I did all the research and work. I explained everything to you, and you had a copy of the return I had completed with you. I’m sorry; the return has already been filed with the government and we can’t pull it back, so we cannot give you a refund.”

    Client: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! You have a satisfaction guarantee! I am not satisfied and I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    Boss: “Sir, you were perfectly satisfied with our product. What you are saying is like going to a restaurant and happily eating, going home, cooking dinner and eating again, and then demanding that the restaurant give you a refund because your cooking was cheaper! We will not refund your money!”

    (Several months later, we receive notice that the client is being audited by the IRS for making false statements on his return. We also find out that the past year he has filed illegally and received a tax return for several thousand dollars that he did not earn. If he is found guilty, he will be severely fined, and possibly jailed.)

    Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account

    | USA | Money, Technology

    (I work for a company that provides online subscriptions of technical software. A customer calls us from Colorado.)

    Customer: “I need the password to my account.”

    Me: “I can assist you with that; can you verify your username?”

    Customer: “I don’t know it. That’s why I’m calling you.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, how about your email address?”

    Customer: “Try these…”

    (He gives me five email addresses. I search them all.)

    Me: “Sir, I can’t find these. Can you tell me the company name?”

    Customer: “Try these…”

    (He gives me two company names. I am getting suspicious, but I look them up anyway.)

    Me: “Sir, I still can’t find these. What about any names that may be on the account.”

    Customer: “F***! We signed up six months ago, and spent $2500 with your d*** company! We haven’t even used your s*** yet, so you better find my password.”

    Me: “Would you have a confirmation number?”

    Customer: “NO! Where the f*** would that be?”

    Me: “It would’ve been sent in an email.”

    Customer: “That was six months ago! Who the f*** keeps emails that long?”

    Me: “Well, if I’d spent $2500 on something, I’d try to keep track of it.”

    Customer: “F*** you. You’re not helping me because you don’t f****** want to. I want to speak to your supervisor.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor. And if you have no confirmation number, no receipt, no username, no valid email address, no valid company name, and no valid customer name, I have no way to look up your account.”

    Customer: “Look it up under [somewhat common name].”

    Me: “Well, I do have one customer under that name.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “But he’s out of Texas, and he has never purchased what you say you’ve purchased.”

    Customer: “Well it may be under Jennifer’s name.”

    Me: “What’s Jennifer’s last name?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Just give me Jennifer’s account.”

    Me: “Sir, we have at least 150 registered users named Jennifer.”

    Customer: “Well find one out of Colorado and give me her username.”

    Me: “If you’d like to tell ‘Jennifer’ to call us and give us authorization to give you access to her account, I’d be more than happy to help you.”

    Customer: “Oh f*** you, you guys are worthless.” *hangs up*

    The Booth And Nothing But The Booth

    | USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at business that has a full service restaurant, as well as a grocery store/deli area. Customers often purchase food in the store, expecting to eat it in the restaurant as if it was a cafeteria and not a fine dining area.)

    Customer: “Can I take this food from the deli and eat it over there at a booth?”

    Me: “You certainly can; however, you would have to place the order through your server. They will plate it for you. This portion of the store is for carryout and grocery purchases only. If you speak to the hostess she’ll be happy to find you a seat.”

    Customer: “But, I just want to eat this food over there!”

    Me: “You definitely can; you just have to place your order with your server, and not with me.”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t they going to just charge me more?!”

    Me: “No, the prices are pretty much the same. Sometimes there’s a difference of a few cents, but we attempt to keep the prices in the restaurant as equivalent as we can to the store prices.”

    Customer: “Oh, but they’re going to expect me to tip them if I sit in the restaurant, aren’t they?”

    Me: “Well, yes, that is how servers earn their income.”

    Customer: “WELCOME TO AMERICA!” *storms off*

    Being Nice Is Good For Your Health (Insurance)

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Health & Body, Money, Top

    (My insurance company is supposed to cover one physical per calendar year. However, I am surprised to receive a bill from my doctor’s office. With it is a letter from the insurance company stating that they will not cover because I’ve had two physicals in one year. Since I know this is not true, I decide to call.)

    Customer Service Rep: “Hello, this is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Me: “I’m calling to dispute a denied claim. My name is [name] and my birth date is [birthday].”

    Customer Service Rep: “Okay, I’m looking at your information now. Looks like you were denied coverage because you had two physicals in one year, and we only cover one per year.”

    Me: “Yes, I know that. But I didn’t have two in one year. I’m looking at my records and the appointments were a year and a day apart.”

    Customer Service Rep: “Hmm. Let me look at that again. Okay, according to what your doctor sent us, your most recent appointment was December 6th, and last year’s was December 5th. Oh, that is over a year. I’m so sorry!”

    Me: “No worries. So what happened?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Looks like someone on our end entered this year’s appointment as December 4th, which caused the system to reject the claim. I will fix that and re-submit it for you. I am so sorry!”

    Me: “Hey, it’s all right.”

    Customer Service Rep: “I wish I knew who did that! I’m really sorry, it wasn’t me…”

    Me: “I’m not blaming you. I used to work in retail, so I know how it feels to get yelled at by a customer for something that’s out of your control.”

    Customer Service Rep: “Oh! You understand!”

    Me: “The stories I could tell… so do I need to call my doctor or anything?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Nope. I just resubmitted it with the correct dates. There shouldn’t be any more issues. Thank you for being so nice!”

    A Cold Case Of Hot Food

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a theme park eatery. We don’t sell drinks with the meals, as you buy them separately. For the meals the drinks are $3, $6 or $9, if not, they’re $4, $10 and $14.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Can I please get a coke?”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “I’ll get the large.”

    Me: “Sure, no worries. That’s $13.99 for that, thanks.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! I just wanted one drink, not two!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. However, those prices we have up there are only for the meals.”

    Customer: “That’s false advertising!”

    Me: “I understand your frustration. If you look at the sign, it says down the bottom in bold letters that the prices are higher if you only buy the drink.”

    Customer: “I don’t give two s****! Get me your manager.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but the manager is in a meeting right now. If you want it cheaper you can buy a meal with it.”

    Customer: “Fine! Get me a [meal] with that large coke!”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you can make sure it’s the best burger I’ve ever f***** tasted, or I’m coming back and throwing it in your face.”

    Me: “I assure you, sir, they are delicious.”

    (I get the man his meal and drink. About 10 minutes later he comes back, and asks for a free refill.)

    Customer: “Erm… that was quite a nice burger, and I’m sorry for getting mad.”

    Me: “That’s okay, sir. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”

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