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    Category: Money

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | OH, USA | Money, Top

    (I am a bank teller. A senior citizen is asking to withdraw a large sum of money from his account.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to see a picture ID because of the amount you are withdrawing.”

    Customer: “Oh, my God, why?! I come in here all the time!”

    Me: “I apologize, sir. I’ll definitely make a note of this for next time. Since I do not know you, I will need to see an ID. It’s to protect me, as well as yourself.”

    Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! Why?! This is ridiculous! I totally come in here all the time!”

    Me: “Well, sir, in the event that someone comes in here and acts like they are you, would you want us to go ahead and take out the money and not ask for ID?”

    Customer: “Oh, my God! This is ridiculous! No one is going to do that. Give me my money now! I am not taking out my ID! You know who I am.”

    (A line has built up behind him. The customer next in line chimes in.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, my God! Quit being so ridiculous! If you really don’t care, I’ll go ahead and take money out of your account right now. I mean, what does it matter? You don’t care about your account security, so you’ll be okay with just anyone taking money out, right?”

    (The customer rolls his eyes.)

    Customer: “Whatever. No one will really do that. I’m totally going to my other bank. This is ridiculous!”

    (He steps off to the side, and the next customer comes up.)

    Other Customer: “Hello, I’d like to withdraw $1,000 from that ridiculous gentleman’s account, please! Oh, my God, like, totally give me all twenties!”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    Another Reason To Hate The News

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Canada, Money, Movies & TV

    (I work in a major sandwich franchise in Canada.)

    Me: “Hi there, welcome to [store]. What can I get started for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you guys have the chicken sandwich for $5 dollars this month, right?”

    Me: “No, sir, that promotion is actually only available in the US at the moment.”

    Customer: “What? What are you talking about? Since when has there ever been a difference?”

    Me: “Well, promotions and prices have always been different between the two countries. I think that’s how it’s always been for large franchises.”

    Customer: “I still want the promoted price I saw on the commercial.”

    Me: “Is it possible that you were watching an American channel when you saw this commercial sir?”

    Customer: “Of course not! I only watch Canadian television! What do I look like to you, some kind of Yankee?”

    Me: “What channel were you watching, sir?”

    Customer: “Fox News.”

    Me: “That’s an American channel sir.”

    Customer: “Oh… well…”

    (He ended up ordering the sandwich he wanted, and he paid the marked-up price for it.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17

    | Reston, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to get a refund for an item I purchased from your online store.”

    Me: “Sure, I can help with that. Just let me see the item so I can pull it up in our system.”

    Customer: “Well, the item hasn’t arrived yet. It’s still being delivered.”

    Me: “Oh, we won’t be able to issue a refund unless you actually give us something to refund. When the item arrives, bring it back here and we can give you your money back, no problem!”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t give me a freaking refund! This is unacceptable! I bought the item, and you d*** well better give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, I understand that you’d like to get your money refunded. Without giving us your item back, it’s like we’re just giving it to you. We can’t give you the money today, only to have you return here a few days later to give us the item back!”

    Customer: “Well, why would I need to return here? I would have already gotten my money back by then!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    No Returns On The Returns

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Money

    (It is tax season and our office is extremely busy. My boss meets with a very talkative client, his wife and their bored toddler late on the weekend in our office. It takes several hours to complete their tax return forms, but the family finally leaves with smiles. They seem very pleased with our work. The next morning we get an irate phone call.)

    Client: “I am unhappy with the return you have provided me, and I want a refund!”

    Boss: “Sir, I’m sorry to hear you aren’t satisfied; what is the problem?”

    Client: “It cost too much!”

    Boss: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. When you were here, I went over all the fees with you. You agreed to us doing more work, and filing additional forms. You received $3,800 more in tax refunds, correct?”

    Client: “Yes, that is correct.”

    Boss: “And you only paid $300 extra to get that additional $3,800 refund. You are coming out ahead $3,500, correct?”

    Client: “Yes, that is correct.”

    Boss: “Then I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Client: “The problem is, I went home and did my return online. It cost a great deal less. I do not need your return anymore, and I am wanting a refund!”

    Boss: “Excuse me?”

    Client: “Yes, it was very easy to do.”

    (My boss is livid, but is trying to stay calm and professional.)

    Boss: “It was easy because I did all the research and work. I explained everything to you, and you had a copy of the return I had completed with you. I’m sorry; the return has already been filed with the government and we can’t pull it back, so we cannot give you a refund.”

    Client: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! You have a satisfaction guarantee! I am not satisfied and I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    Boss: “Sir, you were perfectly satisfied with our product. What you are saying is like going to a restaurant and happily eating, going home, cooking dinner and eating again, and then demanding that the restaurant give you a refund because your cooking was cheaper! We will not refund your money!”

    (Several months later, we receive notice that the client is being audited by the IRS for making false statements on his return. We also find out that the past year he has filed illegally and received a tax return for several thousand dollars that he did not earn. If he is found guilty, he will be severely fined, and possibly jailed.)

    Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account

    | USA | Money, Technology

    (I work for a company that provides online subscriptions of technical software. A customer calls us from Colorado.)

    Customer: “I need the password to my account.”

    Me: “I can assist you with that; can you verify your username?”

    Customer: “I don’t know it. That’s why I’m calling you.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, how about your email address?”

    Customer: “Try these…”

    (He gives me five email addresses. I search them all.)

    Me: “Sir, I can’t find these. Can you tell me the company name?”

    Customer: “Try these…”

    (He gives me two company names. I am getting suspicious, but I look them up anyway.)

    Me: “Sir, I still can’t find these. What about any names that may be on the account.”

    Customer: “F***! We signed up six months ago, and spent $2500 with your d*** company! We haven’t even used your s*** yet, so you better find my password.”

    Me: “Would you have a confirmation number?”

    Customer: “NO! Where the f*** would that be?”

    Me: “It would’ve been sent in an email.”

    Customer: “That was six months ago! Who the f*** keeps emails that long?”

    Me: “Well, if I’d spent $2500 on something, I’d try to keep track of it.”

    Customer: “F*** you. You’re not helping me because you don’t f****** want to. I want to speak to your supervisor.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor. And if you have no confirmation number, no receipt, no username, no valid email address, no valid company name, and no valid customer name, I have no way to look up your account.”

    Customer: “Look it up under [somewhat common name].”

    Me: “Well, I do have one customer under that name.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “But he’s out of Texas, and he has never purchased what you say you’ve purchased.”

    Customer: “Well it may be under Jennifer’s name.”

    Me: “What’s Jennifer’s last name?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Just give me Jennifer’s account.”

    Me: “Sir, we have at least 150 registered users named Jennifer.”

    Customer: “Well find one out of Colorado and give me her username.”

    Me: “If you’d like to tell ‘Jennifer’ to call us and give us authorization to give you access to her account, I’d be more than happy to help you.”

    Customer: “Oh f*** you, you guys are worthless.” *hangs up*

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