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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Money

    Flying Off The Handle Will Get You Handled

    | USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I handle our catering and delivery orders at my store. A customer wants her check split between two credit cards. The second card number doesn’t work. Unless it’s fixed before the driver leaves, we cannot send a receipt with the driver. The customer doesn’t answer when I call, or return my call before the driver leaves. The customer later calls, but she never got my message, and actually would like to place another order for the next day. I finish up with the order for tomorrow,before bringing up today’s order.)

    Me: “While I have you, I actually called earlier and left a message. We had an issue with your charges today. Did you receive my message?”

    Customer: “Oh? No, I’m out of my office.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. We had a small problem with one of your card numbers; whoever you spoke to may have copied it down incorrectly. The driver will be unable to bring you a physical copy of the receipt today, because we were unable to charge the card before he left. We will still be able to split the payment, and fax over a copy of your receipt for your records after he returns.”

    (We go over the card numbers, and she gives me the number I needed. Whoever copied it added an extra zero into it.)

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. When our driver returns, I can fax over a copy of this receipt.”

    Customer: “Can you e-mail the receipt?”

    Me: “We can’t really e-mail receipts. They don’t show up in our system for a few days and we don’t really have a professional method of e-mailing them.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t really have a fax number right now. Can I just call tomorrow with a fax number, and you can do it tomorrow?”

    Me: “Sure, if that works for you, that’s fine.”

    (When the driver returns, I split the payment and everything is fine. The next day, my coworker talks to the same woman on the phone when she calls to give us her fax number.)

    Customer: “I’m very upset. I had to go through a lot of trouble to get my payment split yesterday.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, our system isn’t designed to split payments, so it’s a little involved to make it work. I’m sorry you had so much trouble; what actually happened?”

    Customer: “Well, I just wanted my payment split between two cards. It’s not difficult!”

    Coworker: “Splitting a payment is not a normal function in our system. I’m sorry if you had some issues yesterday, but it seems to have worked out fine in the end.”

    Customer: “Yes, well—”

    Coworker: “I mean, was anything else wrong with your order? Was it late, or was the food not good?”

    Customer: “No, it was on time. The food was fine.”

    Coworker: “Did we forget anything with your order? You seem to have liked it enough to order with us again today, which we of course were happy to see.”

    Customer: “Well, no, nothing was wrong with the order.”

    Coworker: “So it was just getting your payment split that was a problem?”

    Customer: “I was told that I could have my receipt e-mailed to me.”

    Coworker: “I don’t know who you spoke to, but we aren’t readily able to e-mail receipts. They don’t show up in the system for a day or two and faxing them is really the fastest way to get them to you.”

    Customer: “Well, this has just been such a hassle. I’m going to want to speak to a manager about this problem.”

    Coworker: “Well, I am a manager, ma’am. What is it that I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, that girl that I spoke to yesterday about this, she just really didn’t seem like she knew what she was doing at all.”

    Coworker: “From what you’ve told me, she did everything exactly as she was supposed to do it. As I’ve said, splitting payments is not a normal function on our system.”

    Customer: “I don’t know about that. She just seemed all over the place and unorganized. I think you really should talk to her about getting her act together.”

    Coworker: “Well, ma’am, I really cannot see anything that she did incorrectly that I would need to speak with her about. Your order’s payments are accurately in the system, and split right down the middle. Is there anything else that I could do for you?”

    Customer: “No, I guess not. Thank you.”

    Coworker: “Thank you, ma’am. We’re happy that you enjoyed your lunch these past two days! Have a great day!”

    (Later, I fax over her finalized receipt, with everything charged just the way she wanted it. I haven’t heard back from her yet!)

    Blind To Change

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (Part of my job as a hostess is to stand out front and try to convince tourists to eat at our restaurant. Most nights a server or two will hang out there with me. Across the street we have metered parking, but that’s free after 6pm. A server and I are watching a man put change in the meter at 8pm.)

    Server: “Sir! You don’t need to feed that; it’s free after six.”

    Patron: “You don’t know that.”

    Server: “Well, yes sir, I do. You don’t need to bother with that anymore.”

    Patron: “No! I have to go to dinner, so I’m sure to be gone for the next hour and a half! I don’t want a ticket!”

    (The server gives up.)

    Server: “Understandable. Have a good meal, sir.”

    (About two hours later, rotation has me standing back outside. This time I’m alone. The same man returns to his car.)

    Patron: “I just found out there was no need for me to pay this meter after six. That would have been nice to know two hours ago!”

    Me: “Sir, I was outside when my coworker told you there was no need to feed the meter.”

    Patron: “That’s just not true. I wouldn’t have paid if someone told me not to. You should really inform people of that.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Have a good night.”

    Patron: “Would’ve been better if I hadn’t stuffed all my change into this stupid meter!”

    Looking For A Stuffed Cash Cow

    | Canada | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (In order to drive business to our photography studio, we leave out stuffed animals for customers to ‘find’ and return in exchange for a free session and picture. The animals come with a silly poem with directions on where to go to collect their prize. A customer comes in, and places one of our toys on the counter.)

    Customer: “I found your toy.”

    Me: “Great! You’ve won a prize! You’ve won a free picture plus sitting!”

    Customer: “What? You mean there’s no cash?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I found your toy. I was under the impression there would be a reward.”

    Me: “Erm… yes. The sitting and picture is the reward.”

    Customer: “Well, I want CASH!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; we’re not allowed to offer cash prizes.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t have to take this! I brought your toy back, and you won’t pay me for it! You do it every other time! I can’t believe you won’t do it now! I’m calling your manager to complain!”

    Me: “Well, I am the manager, ma’am. I’m quite certain I’ve never handed out a cash prize for this game.”

    (The customer is now red faced and even angrier.)

    Customer: “How rude of you! I’m calling your company to complain and get my cash!”

    (The customer then shoves the toy across the counter, pauses to take the number for customer services, and storms out.)

    How To Keep Your Days From Drag(ging)-On

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m working at my teller window when a client with a bandaged hand comes up with a deposit.)

    Me: “Hello! Welcome to [bank]. I see that you hurt your hand; were you fighting with a dragon?”

    Client: “Yes, and it won.”

    Me: “Was it a big dragon?”

    Client: “No, it was a little one. But he didn’t play fair. He used fire!”

    Me: “Oh, no! Well, better luck to you next time. Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

    Client: “You too! Thanks!” *walks out the door*

    (My boss, who has been standing behind me the whole time, finally speaks up.)

    Boss: “That was not normal…”

    How To Disarm Volatile Customers

    | USA | At The Checkout, Military, Money, Top

    (I work at a clothing department store. We don’t offer a discount to our military, but we do have deals going on all the time. I overhear a customer speaking as if he has a military background. He eventually comes up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi, I couldn’t help but overhear, but what branch are you?”

    Military Customer: “Oh, I am in [legitimate military branch]. I did a tour of Iraq for a while.”

    Me: “In that case, I can see that you forgot your coupon! That’s not a problem; we’ll take 30% off for you!”

    (The next customer behind him starts yelling.)

    Next Customer: “I don’t have my 50% coupon!”

    (I ignore her, and finished the soldier’s purchases.)

    Next Customer: “I deserve my 50% off!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our store has never had a coupon that goes over 30%.”

    (The next customer begins to yell.)

    Next Customer: “You gave that discount to him! Why can’t I get the discount?”

    (The military customer calmly walks over, and takes off his left arm. The next customer’s eyes get really large.)

    Military Customer: “Don’t worry, the 50% discount only costs an arm and a leg; give or take a bit.”

    (The next customer flees without buying anything. Thank you to all of our military, and especially the ones with great humor!)

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