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    Not The PIN-nacle Of Intelligence

    | Athens, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Money

    (I have finished scanning the customer’s items at the register.)

    Me: “Your total come to [price].”

    (The customer pulls out a card to pay.)

    Me: “What kind of card is it?”

    Customer: “Debit.”

    (I hit the debit key on my register. She proceeds to swipe it on her side, and I turn to finish bagging her groceries.)

    Customer: “This thing isn’t working!”

    (I turn back to see her holding the machine’s electronic pen, looking frustrated.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; did it not read your card? These things get temperamental sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, it read the card. But it’s not doing anything!”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, what does the screen say?”

    Customer: “It just says to enter my PIN.”

    Me: “Well then, just enter your PIN, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I did that twice, and it didn’t take it! It’s not working!”

    (The customer proceeds to demonstrate, by WRITING her PIN on the screen with the pen.)

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You use the buttons to type it in. The screen can’t read hand writing.”

    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (There is an annual bar crawl. The street is almost literally filled with people who can’t even stand. I am a customer waiting in line.)

    Drunk Girl: “There… should be… more…”

    (She is digging through her purse for cash.)

    Drunk Girl: “Um…”

    (The drunk girl hands the cashier her lighter and other various objects as she digs through her purse.)

    Drunk Girl: “How much more do you need?”

    Cashier: “$8.56.”

    Drunk Girl: “Randy?”

    (She starts looking around for her boyfriend, who has wandered off. Then she looks at me.)

    Drunk Girl: “You’re not Randy… but can I owe you $8.56?”

    (The cashier gives me a look of desperation. Seeing as this has been taking quite a long time, and I feel bad for the cashier, I take out my card to pay.)

    Me: “Sure, add it together with my stuff.”

    Drunk Girl: “Thank you!”

    Me: “You’re welcome.”

    (The drunk girl proceeds to just walk out of the store without her purse or groceries.)

    Cashier & Me: “Miss! Your purse!”

    (The cashier and I exchange looks.)

    Me: “Good luck tonight.”

    Cashier: “Thanks!”

    Related:
    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

    In Need Of A Sanity Check

    | Federal Way, WA, USA | Bizarre, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a retail financial institution that cashes all types of payroll checks. The customer that walks up to my window is a regular that comes in once a month to cash her government check that has an image of the Statue of Liberty on it. We are almost finished with the transaction.)

    Me: “Did you need anything else today, like money order or stamps?”

    Customer: “No, but I had a question about my check.”

    Me: “Ask away! I’ll do my best to answer!”

    Customer: “That picture of the Statue of Liberty on the check, does that mean I get to fly to New York and see the Statue of Liberty for free?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Does that mean I get to fly to New York and see the Statue of Liberty for free?”

    Me: “Uh, no. It does not let you fly to New York for free.”

    (I hand the check to her to sign, as I start to get cash from her transaction.)

    Customer: “You’re a liar! It does mean I get to go to New York and see the Statue for free! You’re just trying to keep the ticket for yourself!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the picture on the check is just a symbol representing America. It is not a plane ticket.”

    Customer: “LIAR! You’re a LIAR!”

    (At this point, she snatches the check from the tray under the glass separating us, and runs off screaming about me being a liar.)

    Coworker: “What was that?”

    Me: “I seriously don’t know.”

    They Are In The Lower Percentile

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I’m a sales associate at a popular clothing store. I’m in the middle of an eight-hour shift on Black Friday, when a customer calls on the phone. The customer speaks in a very confused tone the entire time.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [store]! This is [name] speaking; what’s on your wish list?”

    Customer: “Hi. So you guys are having a sale, right?”

    Me: “Yep! Everything is 40% off today!”

    Customer: “Okay. So is that 40% off our entire purchase, or 40% off each individual item or our purchase?”

    (Thinking I must have heard her incorrectly, I just repeat myself)

    Me: “Right, everything in the store is 40% off today.”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, whoever rang me up today clearly did it wrong. They rang my entire purchase as 40% off, instead of each item separately as 40% off.”

    Me: “Well, that adds up to the same thing.”

    Customer: “Wait, really?”

    Me: “Yes. 40% off the entire purchase is the same thing as 40% each thing in the purchase.”

    Customer: “Oh… thanks.”

    (The customer hangs up. My coworker is staring at me.)

    Coworker: “Please tell me that did not just happen.”

    Self-Service And Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

    | UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Top

    (I am buying lunch at a local supermarket. I approach the self-service machine, which is clearly labelled ‘CASH ONLY’. An employee quickly comes up to me.)

    Employee: “Sir, are you aware this is a cash only self-service machine?”

    Me: “Yes, thank you.”

    Employee: “And you’re paying in cash?”

    Me: “Yes, of course!”

    (I am insulted that the employee would see me as such an idiot. But then remembering all of the stories I’ve read and heard, I calmly breathe and look at her.)

    Me: “Sorry, I work in retail, too. I know that the general intelligence of the average customer is why those questions are necessary. Don’t worry; I’m one of the good guys.”

    (I smile at the employee and she smiles back with a sad look of self pity for industry in which we work.)

    Me: “We’ll escape it one day.”

    (I am walking away and realise I forgot to buy something. I head back just in time to here a customer screaming.)

    Customer: “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS CASH ONLY!? I HATE THIS PLACE!”

    (I smile that same sad smile back at the woman, knowing it is going to be a long day for her. Good luck to all of the workers out there, and keep smiling.)

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