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    Category: Money

    Going From Negative To Positive

    | Cambridge, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Money, Technology

    (A few minutes after opening the doors of the store, a well-groomed older customer enters. He is carrying a remote-controlled car.)

    Older Customer: “I want my money back right now! This car doesn’t work; I’ve tried everything. Give me a refund so I can leave this h*** hole.”

    Me: “Not a problem at all, sir. Let me take a quick look at it to determine the problem. Do you have your receipt?”

    Older Customer: “Who keeps receipts anymore these days? Just give me my money so I can get out of here. I already told you, I tried everything to make this d*** car work. I’m an engineer and you’re just a cashier. I would know better than you!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. It’s company policy that all defective items are inspected in front of the customer before a refund or exchange can take place. Furthermore, I can not complete the refund without your receipt.”

    Older Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! I’m an engineer! I told you it doesn’t work, so it doesn’t f****** work!”

    (While he is ranting, I open the back plate and put in some batteries. The car works perfectly.)

    Older Customer: “How the h*** did you do that?!”

    Me: “I put in brand new batteries, sir. I don’t mean to insult you, but you did put batteries in the car itself, right?”

    Older Customer: “Well, that was rude! And yes, I did put batteries in the car.”

    Me: “And… did you put batteries in the remote as well?”

    Older Customer: “I’ve had about enough of you insulting my intelligence! I’ve been on this planet for 78 God-d*** years; I know how batteries work!”

    Me: “Okay, my apologies. Well, it appears that everything here is working as it should, so there is no need to refund or exchange the unit. If you have any further issues, you’re welcome to exchange it within 30 days with the receipt. By the way, you can keep the batteries for your troubles.”

    Older Customer: “Well, I should say so! You’re d*** lucky I’m not one of those rude customers that demands refunds over something ridiculous.”

    Me: “I’m glad I could resolve the issue for you. Have yourself a nice day.”

    (Several hours later, I get a phone call from a sweet-sounding old man.)

    Older Customer: “Good afternoon, are you the young lady that helped me with the remote control car earlier today?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

    Older Customer: “Well, I just wanted to apologize for my outburst in your store today. I understand you were just trying to do your job.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. I accept your apology.”

    (In the background I hear a woman’s voice; she sounds irritated.)

    Woman: “Keep going, Ron.”

    Older Customer: “Again, I’m very sorry.”

    Woman:Say it! You tell her what you did!”

    Older Customer: “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me!”

    (There’s a loud noise, and some inaudible conversation between the two. Then the woman gets on the phone.)

    Woman: “Hi dear. He wants you to know that he’s thankful for the batteries you gave him, and that the car didn’t work the first time because he put the batteries in backwards.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for the kind phone call and the honesty. You two have a lovely day.”

    (She putters with the phone, trying to find the off button. I hear the old man in the background.)

    Older Customer: “At least you didn’t tell her I wasn’t an engineer.”

    Related:
    Going From Positive To Negative

    No One Benefits From The Benefits Card

    | San Diego, California, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I’m ringing up a customer at the register. The customer hands me a credit card I don’t recognize.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; but I don’t think we accept this kind of card.”

    Customer: “Of course you do; I’ve used it here before!”

    (I try to run it through, and the register won’t accept the card.)

    Me: “Are you sure you’ve used this one here? The register isn’t taking it.”

    Customer: “Get me the manager!”

    (As I’m calling for a manager, something seems to dawn on the customer as she looks at the card.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God! This is my EBT card!”

    (The customer had tried to use her ‘electronic benefit transfer’ card, which is basically the equivalent of food stamps.)

    Customer: “And I can’t believe you actually tried to use it!”

    A Softened Approach To Mathematics

    | Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

    Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

    Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

    Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

    Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

    (She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

    Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

    Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

    The Long Line Of The Law

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

    (I’m a police officer in full uniform. I stop in a local store and notice a loud customer ahead of me in the line.)

    Cashier: “Sir, you haven’t paid for that. If you leave the store, it’s stealing.”

    Customer: “Bull-s***! You did something with my card; you took my money! I’m leaving with this stuff.”

    Cashier: “No, the order was cancelled for insufficient funds. You left to get another card; the whole order needs to be rescanned.”

    (I realize that the loud customer hasn’t seen me yet. I excuse myself from the line, and move behind the irate customer as he starts mouthing off to the cashier.)

    Me: “Sir, you need to calm down and let the lady do her job. She’s trying to help you as fast as she can.”

    Customer: “Man, f*** you. Who the f*** do you think you—”

    (He turns around to look at me, and immediately goes all sheepish.)

    Customer: “Sorry, officer.”

    Me: “Yeah, I thought so.”

    (The customer calms down, and is out of the store in five minutes. It’s a shame that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.)

    Talking Non-Cents In The Dollar Store

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (It’s a busy Saturday, and both our cash registers are lined up with customers. A woman is stood next to the line-up, clearing her throat and trying to get my attention. She finally shoves her way to the cash, ahead of the line-up.)

    Customer: “I need to return all these stickers. I was charged $7, when they’re only supposed to be $2!”

    (I’d normally send her to the back of the line, but at this point it will be faster just to serve her and get her out of the way.)

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sometimes when we’re busy a cashier can miss a mistake like that. I just need your receipt.”

    Customer: “I don’t have my receipt! I shouldn’t have to keep my receipt; you made the mistake!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; but I cannot do a return or exchange without a receipt. There has been an issue lately of people trying to return items they didn’t pay for.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a thief? You charged me $5 extra per sticker, and I bought ten stickers! Give me my money!”

    Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m sorry. I cannot do a return or exchange without a receipt. If you’d like to wait a few minutes, my manager will be back from her break. Honestly, she’s only going to tell you the same thing, however.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, I’m not waiting around for anyone! You’re wasting my time; now give me my money back! This happens all the time here! You guys didn’t ask for a receipt the last time! I’m a paying customer! I bought a bunch of these stickers before, and the same thing happened!”

    Me: “If this has happened to you with this item before, why didn’t you confirm they were ringing in at the correct price the second time?”

    (The woman turns beet red. Without saying anything, she throws the stack of stickers at me and storms out the door, shoving past people as she goes.)

    Next Customer: “They really need to give you kids hazard pay for this s***.”

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