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    Category: Money

    A Bitter Drink With A Sweet After Taste

    | Belgium | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

    Customer: “What, for free?”

    Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

    Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

    Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

    Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

    (I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

    Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

    (Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

    Spinning A Yarn About Being Sorry

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (A customer brings up a skein of yarn to the register. I see she is intending to use a coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that coupon won’t work on the yarn because it is on clearance.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not very fair. It’s only a few cents off from the normal price, anyway.”

    Me: “Actually, these are normally about $6, and it’s coming up for $2.64, so it’s cheaper than you would get using a coupon on a regular-priced one. Would you still like to buy it?”

    Customer: “It’s not fair! Why can’t I get my discount!? This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we don’t give discounts on clearance items.”

    Customer: “Oh, I bet you are.”

    (I am becoming both annoyed and nervous that the customer is going to have a full-on meltdown over this. I attempt to sound deeply sorry.)

    Me: “I cannot express how bad I feel about this, ma’am. There’s really just not much I can do here.”

    (The customer suddenly starts laughing and smiling.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure. I still don’t think it’s fair, but thank you for having some humor about it!”

    (The customer pays for her yarn and leaves. The next customer in my line has been watching the whole exchange and is just as surprised as me that things didn’t turn ugly.)

    Next Customer: “Is your boss around?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m the boss right now; I’m the only manager here tonight.”

    Next Customer: “Oh, well I would like to compliment the crap out of you! I was going to say something pretty soon if she kept on like that!”

    Straight-Talking Money

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

    Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

    Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

    Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

    Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

    Demanding Understanding

    | MI, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work the front counter of the repair center. The customer coming to get her car is notorious for trying every trick in the book to not pay for repairs. Because she’s such a problem, she always gets a VERY generous discount.)

    Me: “Okay, Mrs. [Name], that will be $150 today for installation and the interior detail.”

    Customer: “I was only supposed to pay for a part. I’m only giving you $50.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, you have to pay for the installation of the part, the taxes, and also your detail. How would you like to pay?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “How would you like to pay? Cash, check, or charge?”

    Customer: “What? What are you saying?!”

    Me: “I’m saying you have to pay me.”

    Customer:“WHAT? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!”

    Me: “Well—”

    Customer: “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

    (I scream right back at her.)

    Me: “HOW ARE YOU PAYING YOUR $150!? I HAVE YOUR KEYS AND YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING THEM UNTIL I GET PAYMENT!”

    Customer: “…Do you take Visa?”

    Obama-Careless

    | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money, Politics, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

    Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

    (The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

    Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

    Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

    Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

    Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

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