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  • Category: Money

    Blood Money

    | NY, USA | Health & Body, Money

    (A customer walks up to my teller window, and throws two rolls of pennies down. They are covered in wet blood. I try not to look disgusted.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry; I can’t accept that.”

    Customer: “Why not? It’s good American money.”

    Me: “I’m sure it is, but it’s covered in blood; I’m not going to touch that.”

    Customer: “It’s fine; it’s just my blood.”

    Me: “Excuse me while I get my manager.”

    (I happily escape to the back to try to settle my stomach while the manager talks to the man.)

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t accept these pennies like this.”

    Customer: “It’s perfectly good American money!”

    Manager: “Yes, but we can’t take it like this. If you like, I can give you new wrappers. You can re-roll the pennies, and then we can deposit them for you.”

    Customer: “F*** this country! My money isn’t good in a bank; it isn’t good anywhere!” *storms out*

    They Paid The Price

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Money

    (I work in the print and copy area of my store. A customer is giving my new coworker a hard time about the cost of copying. I walk over.)

    Customer: “Your prices are OUTRAGEOUS; I refuse to pay that much! You’re an idiot! You’re all idiots! You should be doing this for free for me, because of how dumb you all are!”

    Me: “What my coworker has explained to you is correct. We price match all of our competitors, and I can guarantee you that we have the cheapest price.”

    Customer: “I will NEVER use your services. You are thieves who are trying to rip-off an old woman! I will take my business elsewhere!”

    (The customer storms out.)

    Coworker: “I bet she’ll be back.”

    (A few hours later, the customer returns.)

    Customer: *meekly and very politely* “I’d like this done, please.”

    Please Pay To Make Them Stop

    | ON, Canada | Money, Technology

    Customer: “I’m done doing my copies over there.”

    Me: “Oh, great. Did they turn out okay?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Good.”

    Customer: “Where do I pay?”

    Me: “You paid already.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t; the machine told me to take my card out.”

    Me: “Yes, the new machine doesn’t require your card to stay in the whole time. The good thing about that is people won’t forget their cards anymore!”

    Customer: “Okay, but I still haven’t paid.”

    Me: “Yes, you have.”

    Customer: “No! I put my card in and then it told me to take it out!”

    Me: “Yes, because it remembers your card. You hit “end session” on the screen when you were finished, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Did it ask you if you wanted a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s right here. But I want you to print me a new one so you can prove that I’ve paid.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I have a receipt here, but I don’t think it’s true because I didn’t leave my card in.”

    Me: “You don’t have to leave your card in. That receipt will be correct. And the next person’s job will not be charged to your card, because you hit “end session”.”

    Customer: “Okay, but how do I know that this receipt isn’t lying?”

    Me: “Why would it be lying?”

    Customer: “Because my card wasn’t in the machine while I did my copies!”

    Me: “But it’s not supposed to be. That’s how the new machine works. I can print you another receipt over here if you want.”

    (The customer gives me her card, and I print her receipt, which is identical to the one that came out of the copier.)

    Me: “See? It’s the same.”

    Customer: “But how does it know?”

    Me: “I don’t know; it’s just smart I guess!”

    Customer: “No! HOW does it know!? HOW does it work!?”

    Me: “You mean how does the technology work?”

    Customer: “Yes! It’s blowing my mind!”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know how it works; I’m sorry. It will just have to continue to blow your mind.”

    Barking Up The Wrong Family Tree

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (Note: I am a teenager.)

    Me: “Hey, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I have these gift cards, and I would like to exchange them for cash.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I cant do that. It’s store policy, as gift cards have no monetary value.”

    (People are starting to line up behind the customer, and they are starting to get noticeably agitated, having to wait.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any idea who you’re speaking to?”

    Me: “Not even a clue.”

    Customer: “My father owns this store! Now give me my money, or I’ll have you fired!”

    (The owner of the store is in the back, so I call him out.)

    Me: “Boss, your daughter’s here to see you!”

    Boss: “Daughter? I don’t have a daughter.”

    (The customer’s face is growing red, and the people behind her start to laugh. I can tell she wants to run away, but she’s in too deep. My boss comes to the front to see what’s going on. My boss is an Indian man in his 60′s.)

    Boss: “What are you talking about?”

    Me: “This lady right here.”

    (The white customer in her early 20s dips her head, and runs out of the store.)

    Boss: “Maybe she forgot where her dad’s store is?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19

    | ME, USA | Money

    (I am helping a customer set up service at a new address for a friend of hers. I have to collect her installation charge, first month, and a deposit upfront.)

    Me: “All right, I just need the total of $123.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill and two $10 bills.)

    Customer: “There, that should cover it.”

    Me: “Oh, I only have $40 here, ma’am. I need $123.”

    Customer: “Yep, it should all be there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; there’s not enough here yet.”

    (The customer digs into her pocket, and hands me some more cash.)

    Me: “Thank you. That’s only $3 more though. I still need $80.”

    Customer: *grunts* “All right, fine, but now I’m giving you my money!

    Me: “Thank you, but now I still only have $46. I still need $77 more.”

    Customer: “Okay, give me all the money back.”

    (I hand the customer the money back, and she takes out a wad of cash. She pulls out three $20 bills, and hands them to me.)

    Customer: “There! Should have it all now!”

    (The customer is beaming with pride at finding what she thinks is the right amount.)

    Me: “You know, I think we can just bill you for the rest of it.”

    Customer: “Gah! Give the money back again!”

    (I hand the money back, and the customer searches around for a moment, and hands me a $100 bill.)

    Me: “Great! I just need $23 more.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill, and then stares at me.)

    Me: “Good, just another $3.”

    (The customer hands me three $1 bills again.)

    Me: “Perfect! Here’s your receipt; we’ll see you on Friday!”

    (The customer left, and I searched the office for hidden cameras.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

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