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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Money

    Promo Is Too Slow-Mo

    , | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a very large, well know fast food company. I am a manager, and coupons can only be taken off by a manager. Every single time there is a coupon I have to put in a code. Every. Single. Time.)

    Me: *in the front of the store filling orders*

    Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

    Me: *runs to opposite end of the store to take it off*

    Me: *goes back up front to correct a customer complaint*

    Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

    Me: *knows line can’t move until I take it off, but I can’t leave the customer*

    Me: *finally takes off the coupon in drive-thru*

    Crew Member #2: “I need a promo!”

    Me: *runs back to the front of the store*

    (The phone rings. It’s a customer inquiry.)

    Crew Member #1: “PROMO, PLEASE! AND I NEED A DISCOUNT!”

    Crew Member #2: “Can I get a promo?”

    (I talked on the phone while bagging orders while promo-ing off the front order, then ran to the back, still picking up the food items I needed on the way, promo-ing that off while still answering a customer’s question while having the headset on to make sure my drive-thru people are taking the correct orders. Needless to say, I left the coupon button on automatic for the rest of the day. Coupons are a lot more work than you think. F*** that s***!)

    A Lack Of Branding Understanding

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a whole shopping cart’s worth of groceries for a customer. As usual, I tell her the total and ask if she has any coupons. She hands me a stack of over 20 of them. When the first one doesn’t scan as valid, I start checking her bags to see why the system isn’t recognizing the coupon.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see the [Yogurt Brand #1] yogurt that’s here on this coupon. You only bought the [Yogurt Brand #2]. Is that right?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “Okay, because the coupon is only valid for [Yogurt #1]. Sorry.” *handing it back to her*

    Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I don’t like [Yogurt #1]. I like [Yogurt #2].”

    Me: “Well, then unfortunately, you won’t be able to use this coupon. Sorry.” *still trying to hand it back to her*

    Customer: “Excuse me? Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Umm… well, because you can’t apply one company’s coupon to another company’s product.”

    Customer: “But yogurt is yogurt. Why do you care which one I buy?”

    Me: “I don’t, but the [Yogurt #1] company won’t reimburse the store for a discount on [Yogurt #2]‘s goods. It’s only for that one specific brand, not for yogurt in general.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like [Yogurt #1] and I shouldn’t have to pay more just to get the [Yogurt #2] that I like. Just apply the damn coupon already and stop trying to be a coupon Nazi!”

    (At this point, I give up and call over the front-end supervisor. I explain the situation and he takes a look at the coupon. He tells her the same thing I did and she starts throwing a hissy fit about not liking Yogurt #1.)

    Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. It’s only 60 cents, so I’ll apply the discount manually, but please remember next time to either purchase the brand of yogurt on the coupon or just buy the brand you like without a coupon.”

    Customer: “Finally! Was that so hard?!”

    (The supervisor walks away and I start scanning the rest of her coupons. The very next one gives me the same error. A chill goes down my spine, dreading the answer to my next question.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you buy [Cereal Brand #1]? I only see [Cereal Brand #2] on your receipt.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like [Cereal #2], so give me the discount on [Cereal #1] instead.”

    (Silently appalled, I glare down at the half-inch-thick stack of coupons she gave me.)

    Me: “Do… do ANY of these coupons match the brand you bought, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I doubt it. I hate those mainstream brands of food. Too many preservatives and glutens. But who cares what I buy? Stop being a coupon Nazi!”

    (I call over the supervisor again. He refuses to give any more discounts on her unmatched coupons and hands the stack back to her. Out of nowhere, she smacks his hand away, making the coupons fly all over the floor.)

    Customer: “Well, fine. Then f*** you and f*** your store and f*** all you stupid f****** coupon Nazis! Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!”

    (She storms away and out the door, leaving her groceries. Everyone at the registers watches her through the windows barking ‘Nazis!’ at every person she passes in the parking lot. Meanwhile, the next customer is picking up the coupons that the woman scattered on the floor in front of him. He hands them to me in two stacks.)

    Customer #2: “Here you go. You can take the small pile and put them somewhere. But the bigger pile is stuff I actually have in my cart to buy today, so I’ll be using those coupons.” *faces out the window* “Thank you, crazy coupon lady!”

    Acting Bittersweet About The Sweets

    | Serbia | Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I was working as a promoter for a [Popular Brand] inside a supermarket telling people that they can buy certain items within the brand for a certain amount of money and then receive a gift at the front. I explain this to one woman.)

    Customer: “Do dark chocolates count?”

    Me: “Yes, they certainly do.”

    Customer: “But they didn’t count last week.”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware of that; I worked in a different store last week, but I assure you, you will receive your gift if you buy the dark chocolates.”

    (The woman was still suspicious, so I showed her the list of products that I had in my hand.)

    Customer: “What about the one for cooking?”

    Me: “Yes, that one counts as well.”

    Customer: “But they didn’t count last week!”"

    Me: “Again, I know nothing about that.”

    (I show her my list again.)

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. It’s around [price], but if you look over there, just a couple of meters away, you’ll see the exact price.”

    Customer: “How do you not know the price? You work here.”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t work in the supermarket. I don’t even work for [Popular Brand]. I work for a marketing agency that was hired by the brand. I work in different stores every week and the prices vary.”

    Customer: “You know, I’m older and, therefore, wiser, so I’ll forgive you this time, but there are all sorts of idiots out there that are going to make a fuss about something as trivial as this. I would advise you to try and do your job a little better next time. But it’s okay.”

    (She kissed me on the cheek, smiled a fake smile, and walked away without the chocolates.)

    The Currency Of Understanding

    , | Germany | Bizarre, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (The year is 2010. The euro has been introduced as a common currency throughout Europe in 2002. An elderly lady approaches me, picks some items, and wants to pay.)

    Me: “That is 28.50.”

    Elderly Lady: “Oh, so little? Are you sure?”

    (I notice her picking out some old Austrian schillings from her purse.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. ma’am. You can’t pay with those here; this is outdated currency.”

    Elderly Lady: “No, no! I have always paid with them!” *picks out some more* “Look, I have money!”

    Me: “Lady, I’m sure you have enough, but… I simply cannot accept Austrian schillings. We have the EURO.”

    Elderly Lady: “Yes, yes, I understand. You want deutschmarks? I don’t have any deutschmarks. Schillings, you take?”

    Me: *suddenly understanding* “Yes, ma’am. That would be… 280 schillings, please.”

    (I pack her things, she hands me 250 old Austrian schillings, but I go with it. She seems to have disappeared with her travel group, when a younger lady, also speaking Austrian dialect, turns up.)

    Younger Lady: “Hey, there. Did my grandmother bother you?”

    Me: “What grandmother? Do you mean…”

    Younger Lady: “Yeah, my granny. Did she try to pay with schillings?”

    Me: “In fact, she did. And I sold her something.”

    Younger Lady: “Well, you shouldn’t have sold her anything. What’s her bill?”

    Me: “28.50; but as I said, she already paid. I took her schillings. Maybe I can exchange them for something.”

    Younger Lady: “No! Give them back to me. She’ll be mad about not having them! How much did you say?”

    Me: “€28.50.”

    Younger Lady: *hands me over two 20 Euro bills* “Keep it, for goodness’ sake!”

    Me: “No way, ma’am. That’s far too much.”

    Younger Lady: “Well, then give me 10 back.”

    Me: “Fair enough; thank you.”

    (The rest of the day, I wondered why my supply of ‘free’ coffee and food worked so fine. Later on, I realized that the young lady had left some money at every booth near mine because I was so friendly to her grandmother, who suffered from Alzheimer’s, which I didn’t realize immediately. Thank you, ladies, you were amazing!)

    Two Can Whine For Ten Dollars

    , | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m taking orders for front counter. A customer walks up and hands me one of our “2 can dine for $9.99″ coupons.)

    Customer: “I’ll have this, please.”

    Me: “No problem. Would you like to add anything else?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. Just the two meals.”

    Me: “All right, your total is $11.70.”

    Customer: “How much is it after the coupon?”

    Me: “That is the price with the coupon. You wanted to use the two can dine, right?”

    Customer: “Yes, but why is it that price? The coupon says $10 on it.”

    Me: “Oh, the $10 is the price before tax, so that makes the difference.”

    Customer: “No, you’re supposed to take $10 off, that’s what the coupon means.”

    Me: “Sorry, it doesn’t actually work like that. It means that you pay $10 for the two meals. They would normally be over $15 for both without the coupon.”

    Customer: “But it says $10 here. So I only owe you the tax.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry but the coupon isn’t for $10 off. You are still saving a good amount off the regular combo prices.”

    Customer: “Fine. I don’t want it then. The idiots at [our other location] wouldn’t do it right either.”

    (He stormed off muttering about how we were too dumb to honour our own coupon.)

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