Category: Money

Trying To Re-Coup

| Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I answer the phone while working the register during holiday rush.)

Customer: “Hey, I made a several hundred dollar purchase a few days ago during the big sale. And I got a 20% off everything coupon today. Can I bring the coupon in and get 20% off my original purchase?”

(Is this a test? A recorded call from one of my superiors, because this cannot be serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry. That coupon is intended for your next purchase, not one that was already completed!”

Customer: “But I spent so much money! Can’t I just return everything and then re-buy everything with the coupon?”

Me: “I’m sorry. That is incredibly unlikely and will not work. That coupon is intended for the next purchase.”

Customer: “But I spent so much money… You sure?”

Me: “I’m pretty gosh darn positive. Have a nice day, though!”

(The lines were already backed up and I could not imagine if she honestly tried to bring everything back in and argued for the coupon discount!)

A Catalog Of Errors

| FL, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Technology

(I am working a temporary account for a well known holiday gift catering service that specializes in meats and cheese. The account has ads in newspapers, and in their catalogs and website.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

(The caller sounds like a woman in her late thirties.)

Customer: “Hi, I saw you were having a special sale on a spiral cut honey glazed ham. I’d like to get one of those.”

Me: “I’d be happy to order you one today. May I have the gift code?”

Customer: “I don’t see a gift code. Where is it?”

Me: “It should be in a box on the side of the page, with the gifts letter designating the code.”

Customer: “I don’t see it? I’m scrolling up and down and don’t see any boxes.”

(I get a sinking feeling but keep strong.)

Me: “Oh, do you have a catalog or are you on the website? If you need assistance using the website I can help you with that as well.”

Customer: “I’m on the website.”

Me: “All right, then instead of looking for a gift code, all you need do is look for the button that says ‘add to c-‘”

Customer: “I know that! What do you think I am, a moron?! I want to order items off the website, over the phone!”

Me: “I can certainly do that for you. Now what weight spiral cut ham is it?”

Customer: “It’s the 20-pound for $35.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The only 20-pound ham we have is for $49.99.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not possible. I’m looking at it!”

Me: “Is it a special offer?”

Customer: “Yes, it is. That’s obviously why I want to order it!”

(The sinking feeling kicks in all the way.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot use the website specials in place of catalog specials. Website specials are for the website only.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me that I cannot get this ham for the price that it is advertised at?! That’s false advertisement!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can, but you have to order it online. The systems at the call center can only process catalog specials. You can order the product online, just not through the phone.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to order it online. I want to order over the phone!”

(At this point I’m at a loss. My manager has noticed how long the call has taken, and takes a headset to listen into the call.)

Customer: “Here, I have a gift code, like what you asked before. Try that!”

Me: *I try the gift code that she pulled out of thin air* “It says it is void in my system, ma’am. As I’ve explained this is only an Internet offer and—”

Customer: “Can’t you just adjust the price of the ham on your end?! I’ve had people do that for me before!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but all catalog prices are as shown. We cannot adjust the product price.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of customer service is this?! I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll call him right over.”

(I mute my mic and take a moment to explain what my manager has missed on the call. My manager un-mutes his mic.)

Manager: “Hello, my name is [Manager], supervisor for [Company]. How may I be of assistance?”

Customer: “Your employee is refusing to give me correct price for a ham!”

(My manager then takes another 10 or so minutes on the phone. Outside of the call, I kind of get to laugh at the trouble the woman gives him. And then on top of THAT, after he re-explains EVERYTHING I have already told the woman, she demands to speak to HIS manager. The MOD manager, a woman I’ve never even seen before, comes on to the floor and takes a mic. She looks bemused.)

MOD Manager: “Hello I am [MOD Manager], [Manager]’s manager. How may I—”

(The woman on the other end immediately sets off on a rant.)

MOD Manager: “Ma’am, this is a business. You’re wasting our time. If you want an online product, order it online. Good-day.”

(The MOD manager doesn’t wait for a reply, just hangs up on the customer and turns to us.)

MOD Manager: “Thanks for the call. I needed a laugh.”

Going On And On And Coupon

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I used to work as a cashier at [Large National Chain]. One afternoon I am ringing out an elderly couple’s groceries. The elderly woman has a duplicate coupon for an item that she can only use one for. I give it back to her and try to explain that we don’t allow duplicate coupons. The woman becomes irate.)

Elderly Woman: “We already spend so much money here! Why can’t we just use it?”

Me: “Ma’am, you only have one of those items, and the coupons are only good for one item each. You can get another one and use the coupon, but I can’t ring the second one up when you only have the one item.”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t understand. My husband and I spend so much here. Can’t you just allow it?”

Me: “I can’t. I’m sorry, but the coupon won’t even scan, and I’m not allowed to hand-key it in at this location.”

Elderly Woman: “That’s stupid. Just forget it.” *throws her items at me* “I don’t understand why you can’t just do it when I spend so much money here.”

(I apologized to the woman and continued scanning her items. Later, I was working at the customer service desk and she went up and complained about me. To me.)

No Sign They Read The Sign

| UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I work at the self-checkout registers, helping customers with machine errors and doing theft prevention. Four of our self-checkout registers do not accept cash, to save space.)

Customer: “Where do I insert my cash?”

Cashier: “Sir, this machine accepts debit and credit only. It does not accept cash”.

Customer: “Really? You should have a sign that says that”.

Cashier: “Actually, we have several. There’s one posted just above the register in bright orange, one above the self checkout entrance, and at the beginning of the transaction, you pressed the button that says ‘yes, I understand this machine doesn’t accept cash.'”

(The customers always, with a red face, quickly and quietly run to one of the cash machines!)

A Taxing Customer

| UK | Criminal/Illegal, Money

(I work as a tax collector for the UK tax office. I phone guy who owes tax.)

Me: “Hello, is that Mr [Debtor]?”

Debtor: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m [My Name] from HM Revenue and Customs. I’m phoning about your outstanding tax.”

Debtor: “No, you’re not.”

Me: *pause* “Um, yes, I am.”

Debtor: “No, you’re not.” *click*

(I pause. Maybe I gabbled the first bit. I say the same thing so many times a day it becomes routine. I phone back.)

Me: “Mr. [Debtor]. I’m sorry; I seem to have got off on the wrong foot.”

Debtor: “Whatever.”

(I can hear what sounds like a pub in the background; maybe he’s putting on an act for his mates.)

Me: “I need to talk to you about your debt. If you don’t pay we will enforce the debt, either by distraint, which is removal of goods for sale at public auction, or by placing you in county court and asking for judgement against you.”

Debtor: “Do what you got to do mate. Now f*** off!”

(A few weeks later, I get a phone call transferred to me.)

Debtor: “You’ve put me in court.”

Me: “You told me to, sir.”

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