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    Category: Money

    Lack-Of-Clothes Make The Lack-Of-A Man

    | UK | At The Checkout, Money, Rude & Risque

    (An older customer comes to my checkout. He has been staring at me a lot while he has been waiting for service. I am 17 at the time.)

    Customer: “Are you from [area in my town]?”

    Me: “Oh, no. I don’t live there.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I’ve seen you around there, at [address that is not mine].”

    Me: “Oh, no. You must be mistaken.”

    (The transaction continues, extremely awkward as he keeps insisting he ‘knows me from somewhere’ and has ‘seen my house’ and things to that effect. I brush him off as one of the harmless, odd customers that one sees in a day.)

    Me: “Right, so that comes to £52.56.”

    Customer: “Oh I only have £50 on me.”

    Me: “Well, if you have no other means of paying, we’ll have to take something off.”

    Customer: “Like your clothes?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Customer: “Like my clothes?”

    (I am speechless and upset, and about to go into a rant and call a security guard over, when the next customer intervenes.)

    Next Customer: “You are soooo creepy, mate.”

    (The customer scuttles off after paying me the full amount, obviously embarrassed about being caught harassing a teenage girl!)

    His Assumption Is Not On The Money

    | West Allis, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

    (The caller explains his financial situation.)

    Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

    Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

    Me: “It would be [attorney's fee] plus costs.”

    Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

    Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

    Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

    Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

    Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

    Me: “Yes, it really is.”

    (Long pause.)

    Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

    Me: “… No.”

    Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

    Didn’t Play Their Cards Right

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (Our store is having an Easter sale and has sent promotional emails to our customers, which contain ads and coupons. I’m ringing up a customer who has made a large purchase, most of which consists of gift cards, which are never discounted. When I tell her the total and how much she’s saved, she becomes upset.)

    Customer: “I spent nearly $300! My discount should be much higher!”

    (I double-check the totals to make sure I haven’t rung up anything incorrectly.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe your savings are lower because most of what you spent

    was on gift cards, and we don’t discount those.”

    Customer: “But the email I was sent had a picture of an Easter basket with a gift card in it! I should get my discount on the gift cards too, since there was a gift card in the picture! That’s false advertising!”

    (Despite my best efforts to explain, she asks to speak to my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, a gift card is literally an exchange of money, dollar for dollar. We don’t ever give discounts on gift cards, and as you can see, we don’t charge tax on them either. That doesn’t happen until you purchase something with the gift card.

    Customer: “Oh… well, I guess I learned something today.”

    Manager: “For future reference, the fine print here on your coupon also states that we can’t discount gift cards.”

    Customer: “I could spend all day reading fine print if I wanted to. I have a Ph.D.! Nobody reads the fine print!”

    Tipping The Scales Of Sobriety

    | OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Pets & Animals

    (I am ringing up a couple customers. The first is visibly drunk, but has been pleasant throughout the transaction.)

    Me: “That will be [total], sir.”

    Customer: “What’s that mean?”

    (He is pointing at our tip jar, which has a sign reading ‘Tipping: Bad for Cows, Good for Staff.’)

    Me: “You mean cow tipping?”

    (He stares at me, clearly very confused.)

    Me: “It’s a stereotypical redneck activity where you go out into a field and push a cow over while she’s sleeping.”

    Customer: “You… what? Why do you push the cows?”

    Me: “… because it’s funny?”

    (I spend another five minutes trying to explain the concept. He really tries to wrap his head around it but he’s just too inebriated to manage it. Finally, he gives up and walks off with his food. The second customer, who has witnessed all of this, steps up to the register. He’s laughing and gesturing to his flannel shirt and jeans.)

    Customer #2: “Don’t worry, honey. I’m a farm boy and I know what cow tipping is.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness.”

    A Sad State Of The Union

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I work in a very well known college’s credit union. I am working the front desk with one of my coworkers when a younger looking man walks in.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering what this place is?”

    Me: *confused* “This is the [College] credit union.”

    Customer: “Oh, that explains why everyone coming out of here looks so depressed.”

    (The customer left without another word leaving me and my coworker laughing and wondering what just happened.)

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