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    Category: Money

    Just Made Her (Mother’s) Day

    | Milford, CT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am a hostess, and this story happens the Friday before Mother’s Day. I am standing at the register at the entrance to the restaurant when a gentleman in his early 40s who had been dining alone approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do I pay up here?”

    Me: “Oh! No, sir, you pay with your waitress. Let me grab her for you.”

    (I go to the back and bring the waitress up to the front with me.)

    Customer: *to waitress* “So, my bill was $18?”

    Waitress: “Yes. ”

    Customer: “Do you have a family?”

    Waitress: “Uh… yes.”

    Customer: “You have kids?”

    Waitress: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, then. This is for my check.” *hands coworker a $20 bill* “… and this is for you.” *hands coworker a $50 bill* “Happy Mother’s Day!”

    (At this point, the customer leaves before the waitress can even say ‘thank you.’)

    Waitress: *to me* “I think I’m gonna cry.”

    No Sub-Price For The Sub-Continent

    , | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

    (I’m having my eyebrows threaded at a beauty stand I frequent in the middle of the main thoroughfare of our local shopping mall. The business is owned and run by an Asian family, and they offer very competitive prices. They also offer threading for other facial hair. While I’m there, there are two technicians, both young Asian ladies. An older Asian man approaches Technician #1, who is working on my eyebrows, while Technician #2 is having a conversation with someone on the phone in her native language.

    Man: “How much is it to have my whole face done?”

    Technician #1: “£22.”.

    Man: “I’m Indian.”

    Technician #1: “Yes. £22.”

    Man: “What? Even for a fellow Indian?”

    (At this point, Technician #2 puts the phone down, and says something to Technician #1 in their language. The Indian man waits, expectantly. She addresses him in English.)

    Technician #2: “We’re from Pakistan. £22.”

    (The man glares and stalks off, before the two technicians burst into laughter. I ask what I’ve missed.)

    Technician #1: “We’re Indian.”

    Technician #2: “We always get these older guys trying to haggle us down ‘because we’re all Indian.’ India’s a big place, and we have a business to run!”

    Doesn’t Have The Gift(card) Of Foresight

    | Miami, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Money

    (I have previously worked for a large bookstore chain that went out of business. I now work at their competitor.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Current Bookstore] in South Miami. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you guys accept [Previous Bookstore]’s gift cards?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t. They were a different company, so they’re not valid here.”

    Caller: “But when I go to their website it redirects me to yours!”

    Me: “Yes. When the company closed, [Current Bookstore] bought their domain, and I believe their mailing lists, but they were never actually affiliated with them.”

    Caller: “So you don’t accept their gift cards?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but no. They were a different company. ”

    Caller: “So what am I supposed to do with this gift card?”

    Me: “I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do. The company went out of business. It’s closed. The cards are worthless now.”

    Caller: “But someone paid good money for these cards!”

    Me: “I understand that. But I worked for [Previous Bookstore] when they went under. When they announced their bankruptcy, they also made it very clear that as they liquidated they would only accept gift cards through a certain date. There were signs all over the stores. You had two months to come and use the card. After that, even the stores stopped accepting them. [Previous Bookstore] didn’t exist. They were owned by a liquidation company at that point.”

    Caller: “But someone paid for this. And you’re telling me that money is gone?! That’s unacceptable! I want my money!!”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, the store closed three years ago. How important could the value of that card be to you if you’ve waited three years?”

    (Click.)

    Not In Anyone’s Good Books

    | Bridgeport, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Religion

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I have a constitutional right to have my late fee waived!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Please be advised that your payment didn’t post until five days after the due date, so the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “Sir, do you realize that ‘The Good Book’ says you must forgive those of their transgressions?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. Please be advised that same book also says, ‘You reap what you sow.’ Sorry, but the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “I suppose you’re going to tell me that the credit card agreement prevents you from doing that and that its my responsibility to have read it?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Caller: “You know what… GO F*** YOURSELF!”

    Bugging Out About It

    | NE, USA | Money, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (We always know in the summer rental cars will come back with lots of dead bugs on the front bumper and windshield. This was a joke we used frequently.)

    Me: “Wow, looks like you hit a lot of bugs on the road out there!”

    Customer: “Yeah. I was out on a lot of country roads.”

    Me: “You know it’s a $1 per bug cleaning charge, right?”

    Customer: *immediately irate, stands up in a huff* “THAT IS OUTRAGEOUS. I WILL NOT PAY THAT! I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Whoa. Just a little joke, sir.”

    Customer: *sitting down, still upset* “Well, that’s stupid. And not funny.

    (I stopped telling the bug joke after that…)


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