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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Money

    Total Recall

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    (Whenever a customer hands me actual cash, I always recount it and repeat the sum back to them to ensure they have given me the right amount, The customer is in a rush and not listening to me.)

    Me: “With your coupons, your total is $12.34.”

    (The customer hands me $21 and some change while looking at the display.)

    Me: “Out of $21.46?”

    (She ignores me so I enter the amount into the computer, take out her change and close the drawer.)

    Me: “Your change is $9.12. Would you like your receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “What? I didn’t want change back! That’s why I gave you exact change! I should be getting $5 back!”

    Me: “No, Ma’am. I told you the total was $12.34 after your discounts and repeated how much you gave me back to you.”

    Customer: “But the display says $16.46! Give me the right change back; I’m trying to lighten my purse and I don’t want coins!”

    Me: “That was before the discounts. The display shows the amount due after discounts on this side of the display.” *I reach over the monitor to point*

    Customer: “Open the register back up and get me the correct change! NOW!”

    Me: “The register will only open for a cash transaction.”

    (The lady continues to yell at me, disregarding her own stupidity until another customer eventually pushes in front of her while giving her a dirty look.)

    Next Customer: “She told you the correct total and you didn’t bother paying attention.”

    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar, Part 2

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (My store closes at 9:00 pm and I am the last register open on a Friday night. A couple came through my line around 8:45 with a cart full of groceries. I ring them up and finish around 8:55.)

    Me: *cheerily* “That’ll be $87.95.”

    Woman: “Oh, I have coupons!”

    (She proceeds to take out a handful of coupons and hands them to me hastily. I scan them in.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $79.45.”

    Woman: “Um, you didn’t scan them all in.”

    Me: “Yes, I did, ma’am. One of them is expired so I can’t use it but the rest I scanned.”

    Woman: “But you’re missing one. I gave you ten coupons and there are only eight there.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. You actually only gave me nine.”

    Woman: “Well, I had ten; it was for a dollar off so just ring it in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I can’t put the coupon in unless you have it with you. I need it so my drawer won’t be off.”

    Woman: *screams* “This is completely ridiculous!! I had ten coupons so give me my other coupon!”

    Husband: “Just give it to her. It’s fine.”

    Me: “No, it’s not. I’m not allowed to give you the coupon unless you have it. Sorry, it’s my job.”

    (At this point the woman’s eyes looked like they were about to bug out of her head as she threw the cash on the register.)

    Woman: “Just give me my change.”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your change is $19.55, have a great night.”

    Woman: *huffs, grabs her cart, and sprints out of the store, husband trailing behind*

    (My manager walks over and just stares after them. It is 9:15 pm at this point.)

    Manager: “If anyone like that b**** bothers you again let me know so I can take care of them. People are f****** awful.”

    Related:
    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar

    Online And Over The Line

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a craft store with two entrances; each entrance has multiple registers. I am on the register called ‘side door.’ At the time of this transaction, I am a new hire and am highly concerned with not breaking company policy about coupons.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, thanks. Do you have any coupons right now?”

    Me: “Yes, there’s currently a 40% off of one regular priced item going on right now.”

    (At this point, I haven’t realized that she was asking me if I had any coupons with me at the register, which I don’t. Employees are required to throw them away if we don’t scan them from a phone.)

    Customer: “Okay, great, I want to use it on [item].”

    Me: *after scanning the item* “All righty, because this item is your highest priced, regular priced item, the coupon should work.”

    (The customer starts typing on her smartphone, and I finish ringing up the items she put on my counter. When she looks up, she stops me to examine the items.)

    Customer: “Oh. That one’s not on sale?”

    Me: “No, it’s not.”

    Customer: “Okay. Can I use a coupon on that one too?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, no. It’s only one of this kind of coupon per transaction, per customer, per day. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: *suddenly getting irate* “Okay, I don’t have the money to be spending on these both.” *she has trouble deciding on which item to keep, and a line starts to form behind her, making her even more irate* “Look, is there any way you can let it slide? Other cashiers have let it slide before…”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but I can’t use two of this kind of coupon in the same transaction for the same customer.”

    Customer: *with an impatient sigh* “Fine, you know what? I’ll just take this one.” *she goes back to texting while I take the item off of the transaction*

    Me: “Okay, I can scan your coupon for you, ma’am.”

    Customer: *with an are-you-stupid look* “You said you had a coupon.”

    Me: “Oh, um… I can pull this week’s coupon up on your phone for you? Unfortunately, I don’t have any back here.”

    Customer: *now very annoyed, for no real reason that I understand; she also refuses to let me see the screen of her phone to navigate the badly designed store website* “Okay, so how do I do that?”

    Me: “In the browser, go to [site name].”

    (I radio in for backup, not because the line is long, but because I know that pulling the coupon up on the site takes a while. The customer shoots me an annoyed look when I do this.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m on the site, now what?” *she’s taken an imperious tone with me by now*

    Me: “There should be a small icon in the corner of the screen you can tap that gives you a popup side-bar menu-thing.”

    (I watch as she struggles with this, again asking if I can help her navigate the site and again getting refused.)

    Customer: “Okay, so what do I tap on now? Weekly Ad?” *she sounds extremely irate, impatiently glaring at me when she has the chance*

    Me: “I’m not really sure, but that should be the right thing, unless you see a ‘coupons’ button?”

    Customer: “I don’t see a coupons button.”

    Me: “Oh, okay, it’s in the weekly ad, then. Sometimes the site acts differently on different phones, depending on whether or not you have the app—”

    (I get told over radio that there’s no backup for me, and the line continues to pile up and my customer gets more agitated.)

    Customer: “Look, I don’t need you to lecture me right now about this. Just tell me how to get the d*** coupon!”

    Me: *taking a slow breath of air to calm my nerves, as this is my first angry customer* “Okay, once the screen loads, tap on the right side that says coupons.”

    Customer: *irritated, taking offence to the deep breath* “I don’t like your tone. I want you to call your manager.”

    (I call my manager, who tells me that she’ll be a couple minutes because of the store being busy and so few of us employees to keep up with the rush.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, the store is a little busy and my manager won’t be here for a little bit. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure, whatever. Make excuses.”

    (The customer manages to pull up the coupon after I help her a little more, continuing to give me death glares.)

    Me: “Okay, that brings your total down. Your receipt is in your bag and a coupon for next week. Have a good rest of the day.”

    (The customer just glares at me, then seeing my manager who just walked up behind me and paling a little, gives me a half-a**ed threat to write me up online and literally flees the store.)

    Manager: *to me* “Okay, so, what just happened?”

    (I explain the situation, while my other customers patiently wait for me.)

    Manager: “All righty, then. Don’t worry, she won’t be writing anything. She was just having a bad day.”

    (My manager left, and the rest of my customers were very polite and sweet for the rest of the day. It’s been almost five months since that incident, and no, I never did get a bad online review from it.)

    Gotta Find Johnny Cash

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    (My office handles reports of fraud, but has a reputation for trying to help everybody who calls in, even if it’s nothing that we usually handle.)

    Me: “[Office], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “This guy is getting benefit checks and he’s working! He does odd jobs around the trailer park where we both live.”

    Me: “Okay. We’re not the right place for this, but if you tell me a little more about what’s going on, I can try to find the right place for you.”

    Caller: “His name is Johnny, and I don’t know what his space number is.”

    Me: “Do you know who he gets his checks from?”

    Caller: “Nope, don’t see him at the mailbox. But he brags about it.”

    Me: “Do you know what kind of benefit checks he’s getting?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “I’m not sure on where to tell you to go.”

    Caller: “Why don’t you take the information? You’re the fraud department, aren’t you? His name is Johnny, the trailer park is at [address], and he’s getting money from the government that he shouldn’t! Just write that down and investigate it.”

    Me: “Do you have a surname for Johnny?”

    Caller: “Nope.”

    Me: *inwardly sighing* “Well, I’ll do my best to get this to the right people.”

    Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    (At this point, my coworker comes over as I’m staring at the notes from the call.)

    Coworker: “What was that all about?”

    Me: “I think I’ve found the fraud line equivalent of ‘I once read a book. It was blue.’”

    Charged With Stupid Indignation

    | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer presents two coupons, both for large sandwiches.)

    Customer: “Can I use these both?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay can I get a [Sandwich #1] and a [Sandwich #2]. But I want extra lettuce, tomato, and sauce on that one. And can I get one fish sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure, just let me take these two coupons off for you, okay?”

    (I give her the two free sandwiches so she’s only paying for one.)

    Customer: “All right, that sounds good to me!”

    (Her order is finished, she has the bag, her coupons were taken off, everything seems perfect. But of course, it isn’t.)

    Customer: “Ma’am?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is there something wrong here?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, you charged me for two sandwiches.”

    Me: *checks the receipt* “The only sandwich you paid for was the one with extra toppings. They came to a little more, but I assure you, you only paid for one of the three.”

    Customer: “No, you charged me. Look here.” *points to the one sandwich she paid for*

    Me: “Yes, I charged you for that sandwich. But where it says ’1P,’ means it was free. There is one on the [Sandwich #1] and one on the fish.”

    Customer: “But you charged me for two sandwiches.”

    Me: *speaks a little slower* “The 1P next to the sandwiches make them $0. Free. You have two free sandwiches. Two.”

    Customer: “Ma’am. You charged me for two.”

    (I wanted to bash my head into the register. Finally after about six minutes, she finally understood that I only charged for one sandwich, and then left happily.)

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