November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Money

Gotta Find Johnny Cash

| USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(My office handles reports of fraud, but has a reputation for trying to help everybody who calls in, even if it’s nothing that we usually handle.)

Me: “[Office], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “This guy is getting benefit checks and he’s working! He does odd jobs around the trailer park where we both live.”

Me: “Okay. We’re not the right place for this, but if you tell me a little more about what’s going on, I can try to find the right place for you.”

Caller: “His name is Johnny, and I don’t know what his space number is.”

Me: “Do you know who he gets his checks from?”

Caller: “Nope, don’t see him at the mailbox. But he brags about it.”

Me: “Do you know what kind of benefit checks he’s getting?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m not sure on where to tell you to go.”

Caller: “Why don’t you take the information? You’re the fraud department, aren’t you? His name is Johnny, the trailer park is at [address], and he’s getting money from the government that he shouldn’t! Just write that down and investigate it.”

Me: “Do you have a surname for Johnny?”

Caller: “Nope.”

Me: *inwardly sighing* “Well, I’ll do my best to get this to the right people.”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

(At this point, my coworker comes over as I’m staring at the notes from the call.)

Coworker: “What was that all about?”

Me: “I think I’ve found the fraud line equivalent of ‘I once read a book. It was blue.'”

Charged With Stupid Indignation

| Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

(A customer presents two coupons, both for large sandwiches.)

Customer: “Can I use these both?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay can I get a [Sandwich #1] and a [Sandwich #2]. But I want extra lettuce, tomato, and sauce on that one. And can I get one fish sandwich?”

Me: “Sure, just let me take these two coupons off for you, okay?”

(I give her the two free sandwiches so she’s only paying for one.)

Customer: “All right, that sounds good to me!”

(Her order is finished, she has the bag, her coupons were taken off, everything seems perfect. But of course, it isn’t.)

Customer: “Ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is there something wrong here?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, you charged me for two sandwiches.”

Me: *checks the receipt* “The only sandwich you paid for was the one with extra toppings. They came to a little more, but I assure you, you only paid for one of the three.”

Customer: “No, you charged me. Look here.” *points to the one sandwich she paid for*

Me: “Yes, I charged you for that sandwich. But where it says ‘1P,’ means it was free. There is one on the [Sandwich #1] and one on the fish.”

Customer: “But you charged me for two sandwiches.”

Me: *speaks a little slower* “The 1P next to the sandwiches make them $0. Free. You have two free sandwiches. Two.”

Customer: “Ma’am. You charged me for two.”

(I wanted to bash my head into the register. Finally after about six minutes, she finally understood that I only charged for one sandwich, and then left happily.)

Promo Is Too Slow-Mo

, | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a very large, well know fast food company. I am a manager, and coupons can only be taken off by a manager. Every single time there is a coupon I have to put in a code. Every. Single. Time.)

Me: *in the front of the store filling orders*

Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

Me: *runs to opposite end of the store to take it off*

Me: *goes back up front to correct a customer complaint*

Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

Me: *knows line can’t move until I take it off, but I can’t leave the customer*

Me: *finally takes off the coupon in drive-thru*

Crew Member #2: “I need a promo!”

Me: *runs back to the front of the store*

(The phone rings. It’s a customer inquiry.)


Crew Member #2: “Can I get a promo?”

(I talked on the phone while bagging orders while promo-ing off the front order, then ran to the back, still picking up the food items I needed on the way, promo-ing that off while still answering a customer’s question while having the headset on to make sure my drive-thru people are taking the correct orders. Needless to say, I left the coupon button on automatic for the rest of the day. Coupons are a lot more work than you think. F*** that s***!)

A Lack Of Branding Understanding

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I’ve just finished ringing up a whole shopping cart’s worth of groceries for a customer. As usual, I tell her the total and ask if she has any coupons. She hands me a stack of over 20 of them. When the first one doesn’t scan as valid, I start checking her bags to see why the system isn’t recognizing the coupon.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see the [Yogurt Brand #1] yogurt that’s here on this coupon. You only bought the [Yogurt Brand #2]. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “Okay, because the coupon is only valid for [Yogurt #1]. Sorry.” *handing it back to her*

Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I don’t like [Yogurt #1]. I like [Yogurt #2].”

Me: “Well, then unfortunately, you won’t be able to use this coupon. Sorry.” *still trying to hand it back to her*

Customer: “Excuse me? Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Umm… well, because you can’t apply one company’s coupon to another company’s product.”

Customer: “But yogurt is yogurt. Why do you care which one I buy?”

Me: “I don’t, but the [Yogurt #1] company won’t reimburse the store for a discount on [Yogurt #2]’s goods. It’s only for that one specific brand, not for yogurt in general.”

Customer: “But I don’t like [Yogurt #1] and I shouldn’t have to pay more just to get the [Yogurt #2] that I like. Just apply the damn coupon already and stop trying to be a coupon Nazi!”

(At this point, I give up and call over the front-end supervisor. I explain the situation and he takes a look at the coupon. He tells her the same thing I did and she starts throwing a hissy fit about not liking Yogurt #1.)

Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. It’s only 60 cents, so I’ll apply the discount manually, but please remember next time to either purchase the brand of yogurt on the coupon or just buy the brand you like without a coupon.”

Customer: “Finally! Was that so hard?!”

(The supervisor walks away and I start scanning the rest of her coupons. The very next one gives me the same error. A chill goes down my spine, dreading the answer to my next question.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you buy [Cereal Brand #1]? I only see [Cereal Brand #2] on your receipt.”

Customer: “But I don’t like [Cereal #2], so give me the discount on [Cereal #1] instead.”

(Silently appalled, I glare down at the half-inch-thick stack of coupons she gave me.)

Me: “Do… do ANY of these coupons match the brand you bought, ma’am?”

Customer: “I doubt it. I hate those mainstream brands of food. Too many preservatives and glutens. But who cares what I buy? Stop being a coupon Nazi!”

(I call over the supervisor again. He refuses to give any more discounts on her unmatched coupons and hands the stack back to her. Out of nowhere, she smacks his hand away, making the coupons fly all over the floor.)

Customer: “Well, fine. Then f*** you and f*** your store and f*** all you stupid f****** coupon Nazis! Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!”

(She storms away and out the door, leaving her groceries. Everyone at the registers watches her through the windows barking ‘Nazis!’ at every person she passes in the parking lot. Meanwhile, the next customer is picking up the coupons that the woman scattered on the floor in front of him. He hands them to me in two stacks.)

Customer #2: “Here you go. You can take the small pile and put them somewhere. But the bigger pile is stuff I actually have in my cart to buy today, so I’ll be using those coupons.” *faces out the window* “Thank you, crazy coupon lady!”

Acting Bittersweet About The Sweets

| Serbia | Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I was working as a promoter for a [Popular Brand] inside a supermarket telling people that they can buy certain items within the brand for a certain amount of money and then receive a gift at the front. I explain this to one woman.)

Customer: “Do dark chocolates count?”

Me: “Yes, they certainly do.”

Customer: “But they didn’t count last week.”

Me: “I wasn’t aware of that; I worked in a different store last week, but I assure you, you will receive your gift if you buy the dark chocolates.”

(The woman was still suspicious, so I showed her the list of products that I had in my hand.)

Customer: “What about the one for cooking?”

Me: “Yes, that one counts as well.”

Customer: “But they didn’t count last week!””

Me: “Again, I know nothing about that.”

(I show her my list again.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “I’m not sure. It’s around [price], but if you look over there, just a couple of meters away, you’ll see the exact price.”

Customer: “How do you not know the price? You work here.”

Me: “Actually, I don’t work in the supermarket. I don’t even work for [Popular Brand]. I work for a marketing agency that was hired by the brand. I work in different stores every week and the prices vary.”

Customer: “You know, I’m older and, therefore, wiser, so I’ll forgive you this time, but there are all sorts of idiots out there that are going to make a fuss about something as trivial as this. I would advise you to try and do your job a little better next time. But it’s okay.”

(She kissed me on the cheek, smiled a fake smile, and walked away without the chocolates.)