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    Category: Money

    The Big Country Of Small Talk

    | UK | At The Checkout, Geography, Money

    (I work in a large retail clothing chain in the UK. The chain is actually an American brand, and popular in both countries. I am serving a customer at the till. I am always friendly to my customers, and always make small talk.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how was your day today?”

    Customer: “Why do you want to know?”

    Me: “I was just asking, sir; you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

    Customer: “Quit the small talk. I don’t care what they tell you to say when I am here.”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir; that comes to [total]. Would you like to pay cash or card, sir?”

    Customer: “What’s with this ‘sir’ bull-s*** your giving me?! You should just stick to your job, and quit the small talk. No one wants to talk to you anyway!”

    (He throws his money on the counter, even though I am holding my hand out. I say nothing, and collect his change. He continues to rant at me.)

    Customer: “This is what is wrong with the world! People are becoming robots, and just saying things and not meaning them! It’s all fake smiles and stupid small talk!”

    Me: “I do not get paid any more or any less for talking to you, sir; I was just being polite. I am sorry if I offended you in any way. Have a nice day.”

    (The customer glares at me. His eyes go wide, and he starts to go red.)

    Customer: “HAVE A NICE DAY?! HAVE A NICE DAY?! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN! WE ARE IN ENGLAND! WE ARE NOT AMERICANISED! THIS IS ENGLAND! I SUPPORT OUR ECONOMY, AND I DEMAND TO BE TREATED LIKE AN ENGLISH PERSON!”

    Me: “Quite right, sir, we are in England as you correctly pointed out. However, you do realise that you have just spent money in this store, which happens to be an American company?”

    (He opens his mouth to retaliate, but he can’t when he realises what I have just said. The line of customers behind him all start laughing at him, as he walks away rather briskly!)

    To Give Credit Where It Is Due

    | Lancaster, CA, USA | Health & Body, Money, Top

    (A gym member comes to the front sales desk and speaks with my coworker.)

    Member: “I received a notice in the mail that there was an issue with my monthly billing. Could you help me figure this out?”

    Coworker: “No problem.”

    (My coworker proceeds to look over the member’s record in the computer.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, it appears that the credit card on file is no longer valid. That has caused your payments to be rejected.”

    Member: “I don’t understand how that’s possible. Is this the card you have on file?”

    (The member hands my coworker her credit card.)

    Coworker: “No, ma’am. We have a different card number on file. Did you recently receive a new card from your credit card company?”

    Member: “Yes, this is it. I don’t understand why they always have to change the card number and screw up all my bills like this.”

    Coworker: “I know it can be quite frustrating, but don’t worry. I will take care of this for you, and have you back to normal in no time.”

    (My coworker enters her new card number into the computer, takes the member’s past due payment, and hands her a receipt. The member then gathers her belongings and exits the building. No more than two minutes later, I see the same member coming back to the front desk with her receipt in hand. From previous experience, I know that this generally means the customer is upset about what they see on the receipt, and wants to yell at us.)

    Me: “Uh oh, she’s back; brace yourself.”

    (The member walks up to my coworker, and I wait for her to begin complaining.)

    Coworker: “Hello again, ma’am. Is there something else I can help you with?”

    Member: “Oh no, dear. I was half way to my car, when I realized I forgot to say thank you for all your help. So thank you, and I am so sorry for my lack of manners.”

    Coworker: “It was my pleasure, ma’am. Have a wonderful day.”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    He’s Not Fine With It

    | Zion, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Money

    (A few weeks earlier, we had a massive power outage in the area. Even after we got power back, the system was down for a time, and patron accounts were not accessible. Because of this, if anybody wanted to use the public computers, we had to print out a guest pass. The system is now working again.)

    Patron: “I’d like a guest pass to use the computer, please.”

    Me: “Actually, the system is back up. You should be able to sign in with your card.”

    Patron: “The fines on my card are too high; it won’t let me on.”

    Me: “Oh. I’m sorry. In that case, you can’t use the computer.”

    Patron: “I don’t understand. Somebody printed a guest pass for me last week.”

    Me: “That’s because the system was down. Nobody was able to use their cards then. But now that they’re back up, we have to go by the rules.”

    Patron: “Tell me something: if somebody came in from a different library district and had to use the computer, what would you do?”

    Me: “I’d give them a guest pass.”

    Patron: “So how is this any different?”

    Me: “If a patron came in from a different library district, then they wouldn’t owe us money.”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 11

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography, Money, Themed Giveaway

    (An American customer approaches, and tries to pay with a card that isn’t his. It has a typically female name on it, and the signatures don’t match.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t think this is your card. I can’t put through the sale.”

    Customer: “It’s my girlfriend’s. She said I could use it.”

    Me: “That might be so, but it’s illegal for me to finish the sale; I am sorry. Is your girlfriend in the store? She can come and sign for it.”

    (I suggest this cheerfully, so that he knows I’m definitely not accusing him of having a stolen card. However, the customer instantly snaps and begins yelling.)

    Customer: “YOU F****** AUSTRALIANS! I COME HERE FOR A HOLIDAY, AND YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF RACIST PRICKS! IF I WAS AUSTRALIAN, YOU’D F****** PROCESS IT! THIS S*** DOESN’T HAPPEN IN AMERICA! F*** YOU!”

    (My manager, who happens to be nearby, decides to intervene.)

    Manager: “Sir, that’s simply not true. It’s legislation to protect people from having their card stolen. We’re protecting your girlfriend’s money.”

    Customer: “WHAT A LOAD OF S***. WELCOME TO F****** AUSTRALIA, HEY? F*** ALL OF YOU! F*** YOUR F****** COUNTRY! F****** AUSSIE RACIST C****!”

    (He storms out of the store, leaving everyone speechless.)

    Manager: “I wonder what he’ll do when he realises he left the card behind.”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 10
    No ID, No Idea, Part 9

    Not The PIN-nacle Of Intelligence

    | Athens, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Money

    (I have finished scanning the customer’s items at the register.)

    Me: “Your total come to [price].”

    (The customer pulls out a card to pay.)

    Me: “What kind of card is it?”

    Customer: “Debit.”

    (I hit the debit key on my register. She proceeds to swipe it on her side, and I turn to finish bagging her groceries.)

    Customer: “This thing isn’t working!”

    (I turn back to see her holding the machine’s electronic pen, looking frustrated.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; did it not read your card? These things get temperamental sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, it read the card. But it’s not doing anything!”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, what does the screen say?”

    Customer: “It just says to enter my PIN.”

    Me: “Well then, just enter your PIN, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I did that twice, and it didn’t take it! It’s not working!”

    (The customer proceeds to demonstrate, by WRITING her PIN on the screen with the pen.)

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You use the buttons to type it in. The screen can’t read hand writing.”


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