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    Category: Money

    Not In Anyone’s Good Books

    | Bridgeport, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Religion

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I have a constitutional right to have my late fee waived!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Please be advised that your payment didn’t post until five days after the due date, so the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “Sir, do you realize that ‘The Good Book’ says you must forgive those of their transgressions?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. Please be advised that same book also says, ‘You reap what you sow.’ Sorry, but the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “I suppose you’re going to tell me that the credit card agreement prevents you from doing that and that its my responsibility to have read it?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Caller: “You know what… GO F*** YOURSELF!”

    Bugging Out About It

    | NE, USA | Money, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (We always know in the summer rental cars will come back with lots of dead bugs on the front bumper and windshield. This was a joke we used frequently.)

    Me: “Wow, looks like you hit a lot of bugs on the road out there!”

    Customer: “Yeah. I was out on a lot of country roads.”

    Me: “You know it’s a $1 per bug cleaning charge, right?”

    Customer: *immediately irate, stands up in a huff* “THAT IS OUTRAGEOUS. I WILL NOT PAY THAT! I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Whoa. Just a little joke, sir.”

    Customer: *sitting down, still upset* “Well, that’s stupid. And not funny.

    (I stopped telling the bug joke after that…)

    Carded If The Card Is Discarded

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (Per company policy, if a customer wants to pay with a card they need to have it with them. We can’t authorize them over the phone unless it is a credit card issued by our company. There are occasional exceptions, but really only for regulars. We are also always supposed to check an id. A woman came in to buy a bunch of supplies for her office. As she’s at the register to pay. She pulls out a piece of paper.)

    Customer: “I’d like to pay with this.”

    (The paper she pulls out is a photocopy of a company credit card.)

    Cashier: “Uhm… we can’t take this.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Cashier: “Because we need the physical card.”

    Customer: “Get a manager!”

    Manager: “Can I see an id?”

    Customer: “Why? My name won’t match. It’s a company card.”

    Manager: “Then, I’m sorry but we can’t accept it. I really shouldn’t do it, even if the names did match. It’s against policy.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! How can you not take it!? Why do you even need to see my ID?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, there is way too much risk for identity fraud. I have no way of knowing that’s your card, or company. Anyone could have taken that card and made a copy, or found the copy lying around somewhere.”

    Customer: “Are you accusing me of stealing this card information!?”

    Manager: “Of course not! But wouldn’t you rather have stores check ids and only accept physical cards if yours was the one that was stolen?”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! It’s our company card! And accusing me of stealing?! I’m never shopping here again! You’re losing so much business!”

    Manager: “Well, it’s better than getting in trouble for a fraudulent charge. Sorry we couldn’t help you.”

    (The customer stormed out in a huff.)

    Refunder Blunder, Part 6

    | MT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work the customer service and return desk and am in the process of returning several items of clothing for a customer because they did not fit her children. Before I can finish the transaction and hand her back her money, she hands me a coupon.)

    Customer: “When I bought these items, the cashier didn’t scan my coupon. Can you just do it now?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Just take this coupon off during the return for me. I wanted to use it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a return transaction, I can’t use a coupon on a return.”

    Customer: “Then return my items and resell them to me with the coupon!”

    Me: “So you want me to return your items, resell them to you with your coupon, and then return them a second time?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Knowing that if I resell you the items with the coupon, you will receive less money back on the second return because of it?

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (We had to have a manager explain to her that it wasn’t worth it to do all that just for a coupon.)

    Refunder Blunder, Part 5
    Refunder Blunder, Part 4
    Refunder Blunder, Part 3

    I Say Tomato, You Say Theft

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (As a cashier one of biggest pet peeves is when people eat the items before paying for them.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

    (I instantly notice customer has three boxes of tomatoes, and is eating away.)

    Customer: “Hi…” *continues eating one of the boxes of tomatoes*

    Me: *scans all three boxes* “Your total is [total].”

    (The customer, still chewing away, swipes her card.)

    Me: “This card was declined.”

    Customer: “Can I try again?”

    (There are only two tomatoes left in box she ate from. She swipes the card again.)

    Me: “It was declined.”

    Customer: “Let me try another card.” *swipes card*

    Me: “That was declined also.”

    Customer: “Let me just go to the ATM to get cash. I’ll be right back.”

    (The customer never came back and got away with eating almost an entire box of tomatoes for free.)

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