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    Category: Money

    Straight-Talking Money

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

    Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

    Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

    Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

    Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

    Demanding Understanding

    | MI, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work the front counter of the repair center. The customer coming to get her car is notorious for trying every trick in the book to not pay for repairs. Because she’s such a problem, she always gets a VERY generous discount.)

    Me: “Okay, Mrs. [Name], that will be $150 today for installation and the interior detail.”

    Customer: “I was only supposed to pay for a part. I’m only giving you $50.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, you have to pay for the installation of the part, the taxes, and also your detail. How would you like to pay?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “How would you like to pay? Cash, check, or charge?”

    Customer: “What? What are you saying?!”

    Me: “I’m saying you have to pay me.”

    Customer:“WHAT? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!”

    Me: “Well—”

    Customer: “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

    (I scream right back at her.)

    Me: “HOW ARE YOU PAYING YOUR $150!? I HAVE YOUR KEYS AND YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING THEM UNTIL I GET PAYMENT!”

    Customer: “…Do you take Visa?”

    Obama-Careless

    | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money, Politics, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

    Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

    (The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

    Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

    Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

    Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

    Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

    They Are Gnat Worth The Trouble

    | Massapequa, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

    (I am working in a women’s clothing store. When an item is marked down, we put a red line through the barcode of the tag attached to the piece of clothing. A customer and her daughter in her 20s bring up a dress.)

    Customer: “Hi, we found this on the sale rack.”

    (I scan it. It comes up full price. Confused, I check the tag; there is a black line through the barcode, instead of a red one. Someone must have marked it down by accident, realized their mistake, and tried to correct it by drawing a black line over the red one, instead of just printing out a new tag for the dress. And then someone else misunderstood the black line and put it on the sale rack anyway.)

    Me: “Ah. Okay, so I’m afraid this is actually full price—”

    (The two customers’ eyes flash, and I know I’m in trouble.)

    Customer: “But this was on the sale rack.”

    Me: “I know. I’m so sorry for the confusion. I think what happened is, someone accidentally marked this down, but realized their mistake.” *I show her the tag* “See, we usually put a red line through it; this is black. It came up full price when I scanned it.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s false advertising!”

    Me: “No, no, it’s not. It was just a mistake someone else made when they put it back. I’m sorry about that.”

    (The customer and her daughter exchange a look.)

    Customer: “Well, it’s really your attitude that’s the problem.”

    Me: *flabbergasted* “What attitude? I’m just explaining what happened.”

    (The daughter laughs condescendingly.)

    Daughter: “Come on. We don’t have time for—” *she gestures at me with a flick of her wrist* “—this little gnat.”

    Me: “I was just—”

    (Another customer at the other register chimes in.)

    Other Customer: “It’s not you.”

    (We all look over. The other customer is looking through her pocketbook for her wallet, but it’s clear she’s talking to me.)

    Other Customer: “It’s not you.”

    (My customer and her daughter shut up. They leave the dress on the counter and walk away. My manager walks up, and I wonder if I’m in trouble.)

    Manager: “What was THAT all about?”

    Other Customer: “It wasn’t you. Seriously, they were really mean.”

    Manager: “Ah, okay. That’s what it sounded like. Don’t let them get to you.”

    (To the other customer, thanks for putting in the good word for me! It made me feel less like a gnat!)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 24

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I get a call from a customer who is currently $50 overdrawn on her account.)

    Me: “Yes that is correct. Your account is overdrawn $50.”

    Caller: “What if I cashed one of my checks at the local currency exchange for $50, and came and deposited the cash to cover the overdraft?”

    Me: “Unfortunately you couldn’t do that, since that would bring your overdraft to $100.”

    Caller: “But the money will be coming from the currency exchange, not my bank account!”

    Me: “While the currency exchange is giving you the cash, that check will still be eventually drawn on your account here, thereby overdrawing you another $50.”

    Me: “But it’s NOT coming out of my account! It’ll be coming from the currency exchange, so I can cover my overdraft!”

    (Sadly, the conversation continues back and forth like this for several minutes until I simply tell her:)

    Me: “Whatever you do, DO NOT cash any more checks!”

    (This, she understands.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

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