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  • Category: Money

    Kill Bill

    | Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

    Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

    (My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

    Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

    Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

    Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

    (The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

    (The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

    Disk Driving The Credit Crunch

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I am a brand new phone tech support agent for a well known computer company that prides itself in ‘ease of use’. This is my first call. As such, I have a trainer double jacked with me to listen and help.)

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling Tech Support. My name is—”

    Customer: “You a**-holes! Gimme back my credit card now!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t understand what you mean.”

    Customer: “You know exactly what I mean! You took my credit card and I want it back right f****** now!”

    Me: “I do apologize, but I’m still not exactly sure what you mean. How did we steal your credit card?”

    Customer: “Your stupid f****** computer asked for my credit card and now it won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Once again I do apologize, but I’m still not sure exactly how we took your credit card. What were you doing when we took it?”

    Customer: “I was setting up the internet and you f****** took it!?”

    Me: “Was someone helping you at the store and they took it while setting up the internet?”

    Customer: “No, you god-d*** moron! I was setting it up at home and when it asked for my credit card info I put it into the credit card slot on the computer. Now this piece of s*** won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our computers don’t come with credit card readers.”

    Customer: “Of course it does! It has a slot right on the front for it.”

    (At this point I realize the customer has put her card in the disk drive. After walking her through several steps I have to refer her to a service center to get the card removed.)

    Me: “So, once again, I do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused. You will need to take your computer to one of our service centers so that one of our techs may remove your card.”

    Customer: “I can’t f****** believe this! I’m reporting you and I’ll have you run out of business!”

    (The customer hangs up. I turn to my trainer.)

    Me: “Are all my calls gonna be that crazy?”

    Trainer: “Only if you’re lucky.”

    High Five Low Point

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Math & Science, Money

    (A customer has come in to pick up some parts they ordered. They provided part numbers and quantities. He is looking through the items. The manufacturer sells some of their small parts in package quantities only, and we always let customers know when they have to buy a whole package.)

    Customer: “These five are individually packaged?”

    Me: “Yes. You ordered five.”

    Customer: “No. It’s supposed to be a pack of five.”

    Me: “So you needed twenty-five?”

    Customer: “I only need one, but they’re supposed to be $2 for a pack of five.”

    Me: “Well, since we can buy them individually, we sell them individually. They’re $2 each.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want five. I only need one. I only want to buy one if they’re individually packaged.”

    Me: “That’s fine.”

    (I take the others back and finish up the transaction. The customer intently looks over the receipt after I give it to him.)

    Customer: *in a mildly upset voice* “You charged me shipping and handling.”

    Me: “Yes. You ordered things we don’t keep in stock and we were charged to have them shipped in for you.”

    Customer: “Look, I don’t want to be that a**-hole customer and stand here and argue like a jack-a**. I just want to have a conversation.”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (I wait for him to keep talking.)

    Customer: “I just want to have a conversation.”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (Again, I wait for him to keep talking.)

    Customer: “Instead of getting all upset.”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (I still wait for him to keep talking.)

    Customer: “You charged me shipping and handling for something I didn’t even want. The one part was supposed to be $2 for a whole pack.”

    Me: “Well, you called me with the part numbers you wanted. Right?”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “And you also told me the amount of each you wanted. Right?”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “The pricing and availability on what you wanted was looked up before they were ordered. You were told the pricing, on each, and package quantities. I told you what the prices would be plus tax and shipping. We don’t know the exact shipping amount until the items arrive. I gave you the option of paying more for shipping to get them here faster, which you declined, because you said you weren’t in a hurry.”

    Customer: “I wasn’t told there would be shipping. The guy I talked to didn’t say anything about it. Nobody said anything about additional shipping and handling.”

    Me: “You talked to me. When I gave you the prices I told you they would be plus tax AND shipping. You told me to go ahead with the order using the slower, cheaper, shipping option. I was also able to combine your order with an order of parts we normally stock, so you were only charged for part of the total shipping.”

    Customer: “Uh, oh, well… um. Thanks for having a conversation with me.”

    (The customer takes a couple of steps away, then suddenly switches to a perturbed huff.)

    Customer: “I’m going to keep the extra shipping charges in mind the next time I need to find someplace to order parts.”

    Me: “You do that, and I’ll be keeping in mind your reluctance to pay for what you ordered and the shipping you approved.”

    Take Note Of Your Child

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Money

    (A rather elderly customer is purchasing several packs of cigarettes, and other items. After I give her the total, she pulls some money out of her purse. She decides to buy the cigarettes as a carton, for the larger discount. I tell her the new total and she suddenly looks confused.)

    Customer: “Where’s the fifty dollar bill I gave you?”

    Me: “You haven’t given me anything, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Yes, I did. I handed you a fifty dollar bill.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Maybe you put it back in your purse.”

    (After arguing with me long enough for my coworker to serve four more customers at the other till, she finds the $50 bill… in her purse. She pays and leaves in a huff, via automobile. Moments later, a seven-year-old boy approaches the front doors, holding a beverage and looking confused. We stare in confusion ourselves, until the customer’s car pulls back into our parking lot. She had forgotten her grandson in our store.)

    Flip Flop Flop

    | NM, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a department store selling shoes. I’m all alone in my department one night. A rather bedraggled looking customer comes in, grabs a display sandal, and slams them on my counter.)

    Customer: “I want to buy these.”

    Me: “Okay. What size do you need?”

    Customer: “Whatever. Just pick one.”

    (I look down at his feet to estimate his size, and notice he is barefoot. I go back into the stock room and grab a pair of the sandals he wants. When I get back out to the counter, security is standing there waiting.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. I grabbed you a nine. Do you want to try them on?”

    Customer: “No. Just ring them up.”

    Me: “Okay. That’ll be $107.80.”

    (The customer rummages through his wallet for several minutes, and finally hands me $4.)

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Now we just need $103.80.”

    Customer: “I handed it to you, sweetie.”

    Me: “You only handed me $4. That’s not enough for these shoes.”

    Customer: “Oh, gosh, sweetie. I’m sorry. Here.”

    (The customer hands me another stack of dollar bills, which I count. He’s still about $70 short.)

    Me: “Okay. That’ll be another $70.”

    Customer: “I already gave it to you!”

    (I count out the total bills he handed me, and show him my screen showing the total. I grab a calculator and work out the difference for him.)

    Customer: “I’M TELLING YOU, I ALREADY PAID YOU!”

    Security: “You didn’t pay her enough, sir.”

    Customer: “Screw this place!”

    (The customer takes his money back and storms out the door.)

    Me: *to security* “Well, that was interesting.”

    Security: “I told him he couldn’t be in here without shoes, so he said he’d go buy some. Glad to see that worked out for him.”

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