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    Category: Money

    Laptop Flop, Part 4

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Technology, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a computer repair center downtown. There is a crosswalk leading from our door across the street, with two parking spaces adjacent to it.)

    Me: “If there are any other problems, please feel free to call or drop by; we are more than happy to help.”

    (The customer takes his newly refurbished laptop and a brand new case from me.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. Do you guys happen to work on smart phones?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. Just bring the phone in anytime, and we will take a look at it.”

    Customer: “It’s in my car, actually. I’ll be right back.”

    (The customer walks out the door to their car, and momentarily sets the laptop in its case down in the crosswalk while he looks for his keys. I have spent several long and frustrating hours working on the laptop, but because the customer is so kind and polite I don’t really mind. Unfortunately, a driver in a black pickup suddenly drives into the crosswalk and parks his truck on top of the laptop, damaging it.)

    Me: “Well, f***.”

    (The customer and the driver argue for a moment, before the driver comes in with the customer on his heels.)

    Customer: “Look at what he did!”

    (I quickly examine his laptop, and make an estimate on how much it will cost to repair it. Thankfully the damage isn’t too terrible.)

    Driver: “Hey! I was here first! Quit helping him and help me! I need to pick up my [smart phone]!”

    Customer #1: *to the driver* “And what exactly do you plan on doing about my laptop!”

    Driver: “Nothing! It’s your own d*** fault for leaving it in a parking spot.”

    Customer: “It cost me $275 to have it refurbished!”

    Driver: “Sorry for you! Maybe you wont be such a moron next time and put it in your car instead of leaving it in a parking space!”

    Me: *to the driver* “That will be a total of $291.57.”

    Driver: “What! Why the h*** does it cost that much? This is outrageous! You’re just trying to rip me off! Give me my phone back NOW!”

    Me: “It is $49.99 to replace the screen on your phone, and the repairs for this laptop will approximately cost $219.99. Including tax, your total comes to $291.57. Will that be cash or card?”

    Driver: “What!? I am not paying for this a**hole’s laptop. It’s his own f****** fault for leaving it in the parking space!”

    Me: “So, let me get this straight: you park in the clearly marked crosswalk, which is a no-parking zone. You whip into the space and nearly hit him because you weren’t paying attention to where you were going, and run over his laptop. The same laptop I have spent the last two days working on, which was sitting in, again, a clearly marked no-parking zone, and you’re not going to take responsibility for your actions?”

    Driver: “Exactly! I am not paying for this little s***’s stupidity.”

    Me: *to the customer* “It looks like your repairs will be on me.”

    Customer: “Thank you, but you don’t have to do that.”

    Driver: “Yeah, you have to pay for it because you’re a dumba** that left his computer in a parking space.” *turns to me* “Now give me my d*** phone.”

    Me: “Get out.”

    Driver: “No, I want my phone. Now hand it over.”

    Me: “No. Either you pay for all of it, or you get nothing.”

    Driver: “I’ll sue!”

    Me: *pointing* “There are a total of one, two, three security cameras that have caught everything on tape. Do you really think you could justify refusing to pay damages in front of a judge?”

    (The driver looks crestfallen, and finally pays for all of it. The customer gives me a $20 tip!)

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 3
    Laptop Flop, Part 2
    Laptop Flop

    Taking Account Of Your Actions

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I work in telephone banking for a major bank. In our system, we can see all of the customer’s call history, from wait time, last 20 calls, who the customer spoke to, and any notes left by previous bankers.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [Bank]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, thank f*** for that! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting? 35 f****** minutes! And all I wanted to do was check my balance on my credit card!”

    (I can clearly see the customer has waited a total of 25 seconds from the start of his call to speak to me.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry about any wait there, but you have come through fully identified, so thank you for putting in your customer number and access code. Now before I can—”

    Customer: “Now you just f****** wait a minute. I’ve been waiting 35 minutes to speak to you, and you aren’t even going to apologize for making me wait? What kind of f****** s*** customer service are you lot running there? Huh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I did apologize for the wait that you experienced and I—”

    Customer: “Get your f****** manager now! I don’t have to deal with this! I demand compensation for my time and phone charges! Get your manager!”

    (I put the customer on hold and signal for a manager to take an escalated call. While I wait for my manager to arrive, I look at the customer history. I see that the customer has been with us for five years. He seems to call twice a year, and almost always demands to speak to a manager, repeatedly demanding compensation. He has been told by our relations department that they will not compensate him further because he has been given close to $2000 in refunded interest on his credit card over the five years. There is a special note from the head of the relations department simply saying ‘if customer threatens to close accounts, process request. Do not attempt win-back.’ I recap the call so far to my manager, and advise him about the notes from the relations department as well. Total wait for the caller has now been two minutes.)

    Manager: “Hello, sir, my name is [Name] and I’m a manager. How can I help?”

    Customer: “Well, hasn’t that taken you a f****** lifetime to answer?! I’m sick of this s***! I demand that I have interest repaid to my credit card or I’ll close all my accounts!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m not going to be able to repay the interest for you, as you’ve already had close to $2000 refunded to you over the past—”

    Customer: “Well, then close my accounts! Close them now! If you can’t fulfill a simple request like that, f*** you and [Bank]! I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

    Manager: “Sir, just so I have it clear: you are formally requesting for me to close out your accounts with [Bank] right now?”

    Customer: “That’s what I f***** said; you people just—”

    Manager: “Okay, sir, as requested all your accounts are now closed. The amount you had owing on your credit card has been automatically paid from your everyday account, leaving you a balance of $52.16, which I’ll post out to you as a check. I’m sorry you’ve chosen to leave [Bank], but I hope you have a wonderful day.”

    Customer: “YOU CLOSED MY ACCOUNTS?! BUT I—”

    Manager: “You requested for them to be close on a recorded phone call where you were asked to confirm your wishes. You aren’t scamming anymore FREE money from [Bank].”

    Customer: “I…”

    Manager: “Hello?”

    Customer: *defeated* “I… err… I’ll… I’ll wait for my check.” *click*

    He Is Irony Man

    | Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

    Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

    Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

    Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

    Didn’t Bank On That Ending

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s a particularly busy day in our bank, and I’m working the drive through window. I have a long line of cars waiting, when I hear a customer in line start shouting across the lobby at the other tellers in front.)

    Customer: “Look, I’m on my work break here! Can’t you go any faster?”

    Coworker: “We’re moving as fast as we can, ma’am. We’re a bit short-staffed today, but we’ll be with you as soon as possible.”

    Customer: “But I’m on my BREAK! I have to get back to work.”

    Coworker: *still running another customer’s transaction* “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”

    Customer: “Well, what about her? Can’t she help me? I’m in a hurry!”

    (I suddenly realize that she’s referring to me, while I’m in the middle of my fifth car in a row.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, she’s currently assisting customers in our drive through. If she becomes available, she will come to the front to help whoever she can.”

    Customer: “Well, I would have driven through myself if I knew it would take this long!”

    (I continue to help cars, and after finishing the last transaction, I go to the front to help. I get the shouting customer.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, this deposit slip is for [Competing Bank].”

    (The customer turns BRIGHT RED and rushes out so fast you’d think she just robbed the place.)

    A Long Night Is In The Cards

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    (I work night shift at a local chain convenience store, so I see many different people come in. One customer in particular is very drunk.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing tonight?”

    (The customer just grunts and puts his items on the counter. I ring them up.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

    (The customer swipes his card.)

    Me: “Sir, your card was declined.”

    Customer: “Bull-s***! I know I have enough. Try it again!”

    (He proceeds to swipe it again and like before, it is declined.)

    Me: “Sir, it’s still declining.”

    Customer: “F***! Again!”

    (This repeats four more times, meanwhile a line has started to form behind him.)

    Me: “Sir, do you have another form of payment?”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t need it, because I have money on my f****** card!”

    (He goes through his wallet anyway. His face falls and then he starts laughing.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I was using the wrong d*** card! Here ya go.”

    (He hands me the card and I run it through. It’s approved, and his receipt prints.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Have a good night!”

    (I smile as he grabs his bag and leaves. I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “Long night, huh?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

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