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    Category: Money

    How To Identify The Idiot

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at the call centre of a theater.)

    Me: “Good morning. You are calling [Theater Name].”

    Caller: “I got an email telling me that I’ve been charged for tickets that I didn’t buy! I want a refund! This is fraud! Someone did ‘identity theft’ to me!”

    Me: “All right. Let me just see in the account. Can you tell me the email address?”

    Caller: “It’s [email address].”

    Me: “Okay. I do see that a purchase matches this email address. Are you Marc?”

    Caller: “No! I want my money back. This is fraud!”

    Me: “However, this seems to be the email of a garage. Do you own a garage? Maybe one of the employees is named Marc and could have used this email address when he made the purchase?”

    Caller: “No this is fraud! I don’t have employees!”

    Me: “Okay, maybe it’s one of your friends? Do you maybe know a ‘Marc’ living in Laval?”

    Caller: “That’s the guy that stole my identity? Do you have his address? Give me his address! I’m gonna go f*** him up!”

    Me: “I can’t do that sir. Even if you don’t know the person who made the purchase, sometimes people make mistakes while entering their email address when they make a purchase online. It happens all the time. Now I can verify that you have actually been charged—”

    Caller: “This is bulls***! My identity was stolen. This is fraud! FRAUD! I’m calling the cops!”

    (He hangs up. Twenty minutes later we get another call.)

    Police: “Hi. This is [Name] from the police department. I’m here with a man that says he was victim of identity theft and fraud from your company?”

    Me: “Actually, he got an email confirmation of a purchase made under someone else’s name. He hung up before I could verify if his credit card was actually charged.”

    Police: “All right. Could you check this with him right now?”

    Me: “Sure. Can I speak with him?”

    Caller: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Like I tried to tell you before you hung up, sir, I can verify if your credit card was actually charged. Could you give me your card number, please?”


    Me: “…”

    Police: “I’ll take it from here. Thank you.” *click*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29

    | Tokyo, Japan | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “That will be ¥1260.”

    Customer: *gives a ¥1000 bill*

    Me: “And ¥260 yen more.”

    Customer: “I have only a ¥1000.”

    Me: “Okay. Since you’re short ¥260, shall we put some items away?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    Listening Is Priceless

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

    Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

    Customer: “No… Why?”

    Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

    Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

    (I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

    Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

    Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

    Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

    Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

    Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

    Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

    (I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

    Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

    Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

    Me: *sighs*

    Prices To Put You In The Black

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am working as a barista in the coffee kiosk in the mall. We periodically get people complaining that our prices are higher than in the regular stores. Also, there is an extremely large sign posted on the register stating that we can’t take any bills larger than $20.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, your total is $3.36.”

    Customer: *grumbles* “Your drinks are so expensive!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a franchise run through another company so our prices do average a few cents higher.”

    Customer: *still grumbling, pulls out an $100 bill and shoves it at me*

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t take any bills larger than $20. Do you have another denomination or a card?”

    Customer: *opens wallet, pulls out a black American Express card, and hands it over grumpily while I try not to stare*


    A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 3

    | Ocean, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

    (It’s Friday the 13th. I’m ringing up some college-age students.)

    Me: “Your total is $6.66.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! And it’s Friday the 13th!”

    Me: “No, no. It’s okay! You’re getting rid of the six sixty-six, not accepting it. It’d only be bad luck if you were getting it as change.”

    Customer: *looking very relieved* “Okay… That sounds right. But what about you?”

    Me: “I’ll be okay. It sounds strange, but 13 is actually a lucky number for me.”

    (I ring her up and move on to her friend. By sheer chance, the total is $13.34, and I immediately see where this is going when she hands me a $20 bill.)

    Me: “Uh. Your change is… $6.66.”

    (She looked very uncomfortable as she took her change, and her friends teased her all the way out the door.)

    A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 2
    A Price For The Devil To Pay

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